| A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: Hey there!Im really really confused and getting really down about what has happened as i dont understand how/or what happened.The other week I went out with a group of friends. I had a few drinks and was feeling abit drunk (but Im usually really good with drink and can handle it- and i dont think i had any more than usual- if anything i think i had less) Well any way it got to a stage in the night where I have just got total memory blanks and cant remember anything (hours have passed where I have no memory, and i never usually get like this with alcohol) I keep getting little flash backs that I really dont like and dont know how they happened. Well apparantly I was asked by atleast 5 friends to go home with them (as I could barley walk- they had to hold me up) and I said no I was staying because I wanted to dance. Well anyway my 'so called' friends left me on my own and from then on I dont know what happened apart from the flashbacks im getting. I cant even remember leaving the last club I was in- apart from I can see myself (like an out of body experience) leaving with this guy- who i have no idea who he is, where he came from or how I ended up leaving with him. Well I have no memory of walking away from the club but the next flash back ive got is kissing this guy, then my memory goes again and the next time I can remember anything im having sex with this guy somewhere (dont know where)it was like I was totally confused/ had no control over what was happening, one minute I was allowing it to happen and still kissing him and the next i was trying to stop him by saying no- it was like I had no control over my actions, and at one point I remember sayin something to him (no idea what) but using the name of this guy ive met a couple of times- as if I was confused who it was. They are such strange flash backs as at one point i remember him pulling my top down and putting his hand up my skirt and I pulled it out sayin no. But then the next memory ive got is of me with my hand down his trousers touching him?? but no idea how it got ther! yet it was as if i was doing it willingly? and If you know me you will know I am not the sort of girl to just have sex and do sexual stuff with a complete stranger- before this all happened I was a 22 year old virgin waiting for the right guy- with no sexual experiences before!! They are strange flashbacks- like im watching it happen- like an out of bosy experience. Well anyway the next memory ive got is about 3 hours after (dont know what happened in that 3 hours- wether i was asleep/unconcious or what) all the clubs will of shut and ther wasnt a single person around- the guy was still ther but then he just got up and went and left me. Still very confused I didnt really knw wher i was- there wasnt a single person or car around, but somehow I manged to stick my hand up and get the only cab that passed. The next memory ive got is walkin in the house not really a clue wer i was and my mom had been up waiting for me because she was really worried as im never out that late. On the same night my purse was also stolen.The whole of the following week I was unable to eat- i just had no appetite what so ever and felt really down. I am still feeling very down and cant make sense of the situation. I feel really guilty as if everything is my fault- yet i dont understand how that happened as it is so out of character- even with alchol i have never done anything like that! in the past i have kissed quys when I have been out but i always remember talking to them and getting to know them abit before. My mom said when I came home i seemed totally confused/out of it- she said she has seen me drunk many times but never ever like that- she said i seemed strange.I wondered if my drink could have been spiked with drugs- a few of my friends dont think i have(they dont know the whole story of what happened thou- as im too ashamed to tell anyone) but how would they know- they left me when i needed them most!! Please can anyone offer their view on the situation/ any advise if they have been in a similar situation as i feel this depression is taking hold of me- i wont go out anywhere incase this guy recognises me- even though i would have no clue who he was!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): Thanks for everyones answers. Luckily enough I have a very close relationship with my mom and have been able to tell her about it and she has been really supportive and a great help. She keeps telling me I need to try and move on but it is still constantly playing on my mind and I spend hours and hours just thinking about it and on the net just looking up various drugs, and reading stories about date rape etc. I think im just trying to make sense of it all. Even though im almost totally convinced I was spiked/raped/taken advantage of or whateva I would just love someone to come up to me and say 'Yes you were totally 100% spiked and its not your fault' as I keep blaming and doubting myself, and I dont think it helps that my so called friends arnt being very supportive and are just sayin that I wasnt spiked- but like I said previously- how would they know, they went and left me, probably at the main time when the drug took hold!
There are just too many things that happened that night that wouldnt of happened if I hadnt of been spiked! I mean i think its quiet an acheivment to get to 22 with your virginity but then just to go and throw it all away like that with a stranger- something made that happen!
I really dont know what to do about going to the police as part of me wants to, just to make them aware that it is happening in the area,so they can maybe warn others to be more careful, but part of me doesnt feel strong enough to go and get asked lots of questions by strangers.
Its too late to be tested for drugs as it would be well out of my system now. I went for the morning after pill as soon as I could just to make sure as I have no idea if he used protection!
Every now and again I feel like Im starting to get over it and feel abit happier but then something happens e.g. bad day at work, and something as simple as dropping a cup etc that just makes me burst into tears. I just feel really moody and snappy and just get upset and could cry at the smallest of things.
Thanks again for listening. This site is really great.
A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu  +, writes (10 October 2007):
 Yeah sounds to me like you had your drinked spiked if yu feel up to it i would go to the police and give a statement, your friends where wrong to leave you like that in such a state they should have dragged you out of there, i know at the moment you might not want to talk about it but i think councelling will really help so you dont live in fear bottling it up is the worst thing to do, you have made the first step by talking to us know is time to be brave and talk to people who can help.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (10 October 2007):
 I had a drink spiked when I was younger by a 'male friend' with bad intentions. Fortunately my now-husband came and rescued me as I felt myself in decline and sent out an SOS. Anyway, I really do feel for you as I know this can be a terrible experience. It sounds like you have been raped as well as robbed. I trust you have reported the theft of your purse and it maybe the same man. Tell your mum and pluck up the courage to tell the police. There maybe a sexual menace out there preying on young women with pills because he cannot get it any other way! Although forensic evidence from your body may now be missing, the police can have a look at CCTV footage from the club and the local area to see if they can spot you from that night. You won't be the first person in this situation and a sympathetic lady officer can interview you. You may find they already know of someone operating in this way. As for your so-called friends, well with friends like that...who needs enemies...! Even if you don't wish to involve the police, you need to see your GP and get checked out for sexually transmitted diseases for your future health.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 October 2007): Hi. I have had my drink spiked before and I woke up in hospital. It sounds exactly like my experience.
Luckily for me my friends were friends enough to stay with me, God knows what might have happened if they hadnt. I still havnt filled the gaps now. From time to time I get flash backs and piece parts of the night together. I know I didnt drink too much because I hadnt long been out. I didnt eat a single thing for about three days, I think thats the effect of the drug.
Unfortunately it sounds like you may have lost your virginity to a complete stranger in a way that you never dreamed of. I think it is worth going to the police, even though you said it is possible that you were willing at the time, it is worth reporting that you may have been spiked and also go to your doctor and see if they can arrange to check you over and see if you did go all the way with this guy. Hopefully, it was just a bit of touchy feely somewhere with this guy.
I think its awful that guys can see someone in the state you were in and completely take advantage of the situation. I hope that you are on some type of contraception. As for going out - don't worry about it, if he does recognise you he should be bloody ashamed of his actions anyway.
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A
female
reader, toughlove  +, writes (10 October 2007):
It was not your fault!!!! Your job now is to find places and people that will give you the love and nurturing you need in order to heal from this experience. You are here, which means you already know that.
Rape is said to be one of the most traumatic experiences for a person. It is a horrible, atrocious act perpetrated by only the worst kind of person.
I would take all the actions a victim of a rape is expected to take: go to the police, get tested, join a support group or call a hotline. You shouldnt feel ashamed: a crime was committed against you.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (10 October 2007):
 Personally, if you feel strong enough, I would go to the police. It really does sound like your drink has been spiked. ( I cant believe your friends abandoned you by yourself - you need new friends as your current bunch sound selfish and unreliable). When my wife and I were in our clubbing phase we always had an unspoken agreement between our friends, if one person is seriously out of it the others made sure that person got home .
The police have dealt with this type of thing many times before and you should be able to get a female officer to talk to you. This person has probably done this before and any information you can give them will be helpful.
Communication is the key here, you need real friends ( the ones who actually care about you that is ) and family to talk about this with. You should not be ashamed as it is not your fault, you are a victim of a crime that should be punished.
good luck.
p.s. in future when you got out, if your drink ever leaves your line of sight , throw it away . Perferably drink something from a bottle and hold it at all times and never accept an opened free drink from a stranger. I understand this type of scenario is becoming more and more common.
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (10 October 2007):
 I'm not saying you're bad looking, but these guys usually don't make it a huge habit to recognize their victim. It sounds as if your drink was laced. I would say you were more than likely not the first person he has done this too.
Have you talked to your mom about this? If not your mom, you'll need support from people you trust with this information. It is up to you, all though not the same day, I would notify the police department and report this. If he's still doing this, or have for a while, any information you can provide them could be a valuable link to them. Especially for patterned crimes, where they switch place to place but it begins to make a pattern or design, you may be a big piece of the puzzle.
Next you are not going to be able to overcome this incident without counseling. You may even join a support group to help you with this too. That way you can meet others who have experienced what you are now.
I wish their was a magic want to rewind the time and change your activities during that time. I want you to know you are the victim, what happened is not your fault. This is a crime that I think as they catch the criminals their pecker needs cut off before being let out in society. I really do feel for your situation. Start taking action to heal, if you don't this pain that is causing the depression does grow. Then you may end up with major depressive disorder, or post traumatic stress disorder, or some form of anxiety. This person had no right to touch you what so ever. It's rape, not being willing. Being violated may hurt but remember this, it does not at all, even the slightest little bit, devalue you as a person. You are a special person because you are you, and no one no matter what they take away physically can take away who you are.
I take care, and I really wish you the best of luck and believe me when I say, you do have the rest of your life a head of you and DO NOT let some piece of crap ruin your goals and being the best person you can be.
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