A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi all. Your thoughts please. Why on earth am I hanging on to my waste of space bf? The good bits,- he.s good looking,and good in bed. The bad bits- he.s unreliable,manipulative, decitful, selfish, mean and moody. I.ve hung on in there for almost two years somehow. I don.t even like the person he is now. He.s let me down time and time again. Why am i hanging on to him even though i know this? ! Am i a masochist? I don.t think i.m scared to be alone. How do i make that final break? And why can.t i? Any tips on how to walk away would be most grateful. I know the relationship has run it.s course, but can.t make that final break! Thanx.x Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks all and TJw26 for your lovely kind answers. I am not sleeping very well at the moment, and I do miss him, but do not miss the pain. It;s difficult adjusting to life wihtout him , even though it was bad. I have wnated to call him, but have been through the scenario of what will happen if i do, and it;s not pleasant. I have decided to change my telephone number today and move on properley and try to find happiness again. Thanks once again.x
A
female
reader, Tjw86 +, writes (3 September 2012):
I found this on the net, hope it helps-
5. If your relationship starts to crumble, know when to put it down and let it be. Don’t grind it into dust.
6. You cannot continue to give to another person when you are not at your best; when you are so broken, so beaten down that you have no energy left. When talking has failed and words no longer have meaning, this is when you know it is over. When you feel like this, you have to do what is best for the relationship and for each other and wave the white flag to avoid further damage.
7. Some things just won’t work, no matter how badly we wish they would. Sometimes the match that felt so right just isn’t. Please don’t do more damage to your heart by trying to fix something that has past its expiration date. It will leave you raw.
8. It is okay to walk away from something that hurts you. It doesn’t require blame or justification. It just requires you to stop fanning the flames. You will find love again, and next time it will feel better.
Life isn’t easy. Some things build us up and some tear us down. Our hearts expand and break and rebuild—repeatedly. We are constantly learning and changing and growing. If in love you find yourself in a sticky situation please stop picking at scabs.
Nothing good has ever come from this. Stop the cycle, and let your heart heal so you can find pure love. Surround yourself with loving relationships. Something beautiful is out there waiting for you. If you feel it on the inside, you’ll find it out there.
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A
female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (2 September 2012):
 Pink has a new song out called "blow me one last kiss". Sometimes getting strength from others who have been in a similar situation helps you to realize that you are not alone.
You are NOT alone. Many women and men are leaving bad situations only to find their lives are full of hope and love and joy when they leave the toxic situation.
I agree with the poster to find group activities. Loner activities will turn you towards inward thinking and possible make you lonely. Group activities lift you up.
Just remember that as many are leaving, many are staying in a bad relationship, losing time, self esteem and getting the life sucked out of them. Set an example and one day be there for someone else who will need to lean on your experience.
All the best, be well and be happy. Tomorrow will be a better day.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): Because you dont believe you will ever find anyone as good looking and as good in bed as him but the truth is you will find someone better and you will eventually look back at him and think what was I doing and why did I leave it so long to leave him. Trust me, Ive been there so many times xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): Just stay focused on you and your life, keep busy and go about your business as normal as you can (normal as in before you met him) and "as sure as eggs are eggs" you'll get back to your usual self.
If you love him, there will be times when you feel low because you miss him and you'll remember any good times you and he may have had. But its also important to remember the bad times, and how miserable you were with him.
This is something you need to do for yourself, so just keep telling yourself that you managed before you met him, and you can manage again after you go your separate ways.
Its better to experience this breakup phase, than to put up with the life of unhappiness you would subject yourself to if you stayed with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear all. Thank you for taking the time to answer me. I really have had enough of it. It.s been all consuming,and made me feel low. I have decied that i.m getting nothing out of it at all,and the relationship has been going from bad to worse. When he sees me detaching,he.s nice for a while,then sure as eggs, he starts bullying once i am back. The only way is for me to cut contact forever. I.m going to change my number today,and block his emails,and ride to storm. It.s going to be tough,but i can.t go through this for the next ten years. It.s been affecting my work, freindships,and everything. There.s nothing left to hold on too. I.m going to stay with a freind for a few days,so i.m not alone at the start of it. Thank u. Any tips on getting over it,and moving on fast would be apprecitated. X
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (2 September 2012):
 HiThink we all know somebody with a bloke like this, no matter what you say when they bitch about them,they still go back again and again. So in the end you just wait till they're free from him till you socialise, because its just boring listeneing to them.Well, your that person,you are the doormat,the fool.He has you right where he wants you and probably brags about how you come running or 'put out' for him to his mates.Stop his game,humiliate him,turn the tables.Then walk away with your head high.Free to find a man who appreciates you before your 50 and wondering where your chances for family and a husband went and he has it all with someone else.....
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (2 September 2012):
 I know it's really difficult but, like any addiction, eventually you will hit the hard wall of 'ENOUGH IS ENOUGH'
Not only do you have to cut all contact FOREVER, you also need to put measures in place to prevent him thinking he can walk back into your life whenever he is bored or needs a warm body.
I think it will come as a bit of a shock to him when you turn round and tell him that he must never contact you again and you want to live the rest of your life without him. Quite frankly it's no less than he deserves and maybe it will make him think about his actions (but don't assume that he will ever change, because he won't)
Focus on YOU YOU and YOU...mind, body and soul.
Do everything you need to do to break the cycle:
Change your number
Inform him via text or e-mail that the party is over and he needs to stop contacting you.
If he does contact you in the future you need a plan to deal with it, ignore him and then some is the way to go.
Find yourself some distractions, a yoga class maybe, something that forces you to interact with other people as lone hobbies/sports just give you time to think (and thinking will just lead to thinking about him)
Maybe seek some counselling or a support group for low self esteem or building confidence to help you strengthen your inner self and improve your choices.
As scary as the single life may seem, it also comes with massive benefits. Time to just be you, time to save money, time to travel and form better bonds with family and friends, time for self improvement, time to have a good look around and see who else is out there and time to make new friends.
You cannot live your life in the shadow, worry and stress of someone else or judge yourself by someone else's view of you. If you do, you will lose site of who you truly are and become vulnerable and damaged by their judgement and treatment of you.
Another day of that 10 years has passed already...how many more are you going to loose?
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A
female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (2 September 2012):
Sometimes being comfortable with a bad situation makes for a routine that is hard to break from. No one can tell you why you stay, maybe you don't even know yourself but when you get time to clear your head you realize that you are not happy.
You need to remember the person you were before the relationship. Start thinking of a life on your own, without him. Think of the good things, a life without decite. A life you can live for you. A predictive sunny day every day without someone taking you down.
Sometimes we think that being with someone, even the wrong one, is better than being without someone. But it isn't. You are wasting your time, giving yourself to someone who doesn't value what you give to him-because he is selfish.
How you leave is that you realize you are better off alone than with someone who is "stealing your soul". Then and only then will you be on the road to finding someone new who will give you the kind of love and devotion you need.
My mom always told me "beauty fades, stupid is forever." In your case, beauty fades, mean (and all the rest) is forever. And you should also remember that the greatest sex organ is the brain.
Good luck to you and don't waste one more day on the wrong road.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2012): Well good looks can't keep a relationship together forever, so I guess its time to be more constructive about this situation.
You need to sit down with him and be honest with him and yourself, then make your decision and stick to it.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (1 September 2012):
 I am not going to tell you how you feel but in my past, I was hanging on because I had the unhealthy attitude that worthless men are good in bed, nice men are boring in bed and less attractive, and that it was better to be single than be in a relationship with bad sex because it feels like settling. But ironically this is what you are doing when you stay with him. For me, what made me walk away was that I realized I was still giving my ex excuses and looking for reasons to keep him rather than giving other men chances.
Exactly what to do. Stop feeling sorry for your soon to be ex. Break up with him and stop picking up his phone calls. It's hard to you to make that break because you idealized him so much and you believed that if you break up your heart will be broken and you can't handle it. When a relationship is good, you will never worry about a heart break.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Aunty Em. The thought of that in years time is horrifiying. How do I just cut it off,once and for all? I just can't seem to muster up the courage. He treats me like crap, but when it.s good,its good,but not very often. I miss him when he.s not around,and that.s not right. It's like a bad addiction. I've tried to leave,and he comes back after a time,and i take him back. He.s really bad for me. Maybe i need to go for some counselling? Or maybe just change my number,and move on? X
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (1 September 2012):
Imagine writing the same post in 10 or 15 years time...when you are 10 or 15 years older and still putting up with the crap...
What will change in 10 or 15 years?...nothing, you will just be older and would have wasted 10 or 15 more years of your life on someone who is
'unreliable,manipulative, decitful, selfish, mean and moody'
Better to use those 10 or 15 years making your life better and maybe meeting someone who will make you happy.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): drop him and find someone who can be good looking enough, good in bed, and none of those qualities you described. You are seeing a bad boy, you know that, at your age aren't you tired of guys like that, don't you want to have a family ,children running Round, good husband that provides for you and respects you?
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 September 2012): I used to be like that its because you think you cant manage alone I was the same but one day I woke up and said to myself yes you can do it and finished with him. It wasnt easy but as time went on it got easier and I forgot all about him eventually.
if you have friends start to go out with them then you will meet someone else and take it steady dont rush into things its better to be alone that with someone who isnt making you happy-I have been alone more times than I would wish for,
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