A
female
age
51-59,
*ucialee
writes:Hello All on this forum.I have a problem i really need help with. I think i have been foolish. A month or so ago i had sexual intercourse with a man from my office of work place. Sure he chased me and flirted with me and text me more than my husband did. One night we got drunk and my husband was away on a business trip. He too has a wife, and she went on a girls night.so we took the chance and had great sex, it was erotic and very satisfying and afterward he lay with me and kissed me, we ate and we drank wine. He told me when we left that he had no regrets and the next day i got a text message from him explaining to me that his wife would be going to stay with her sister.we saw an opportunity and i decided i would lie to my husband and go to my lovers for the night. once again we had fantastic sex and he told me that he could not wait for the next time. we kissed at the door and he told me he would see me at work. so a month has now gone by and we are still text messaging each other now and again, but now he is not as hot on my tail as he was. we had a cheeky smoke together and a quick kiss on our break but now i am full of regret when i look at my husband and i have been so foolish texting my lover and getting no replies. what bothers me the most is that i know i am so much more attractive and erotic than his wife. so where am i going wrong? because i cannot see the problem.
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affair, at work, drunk, flirt, text Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012): It's very simple. He is done with you. You wanted ego stroking and he gave it to you. He needed it too, you gave it to him. It has nothing to do with how hot you look, or not. It is about the chase, the conquest, and the selfish satisfaction of great rip roaring sex... at the cost of honesty and love of both your marriages. Ask yourself why you did it in the first place. Why did you need to do this?
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (15 September 2012):
 Whut? WHUT WHUT WHUT?
Let me make sure I am reading you right, you are married, your co worker is married, he flirted, you liked the flirting, your husband was out of town, his wife was out of town so you had sex. And again.
Now you are full of regret when you look at your husband, but instead of asking what you can do about your marriage your question is why isn't the two time rat fink married co working responding to your erotic flirty sexy texts?
The answer is clear as day. He wanted extra marital sex with you, he got it, twice. He got what he wanted, for him its game over, he scored.
Where you are going wrong is that you cannot see where you stuffed up. Open your eyes woman! You were played, like a fiddle. There is nothing for you there, he isn't interested in you as a person, regardless of your own inflated opinion of how much better than the wife you are. You ask what the problem is, the problem is you are a pair of cheaters, him and you.
Deal with it, and if you want to stay married start concentrating on that relationship, not some hole in the corner sneaky encounter for sex only.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2012): "what bothers me the most is that i know i am so much more attractive and erotic than his wife"Really? What makes you think that?Honestly, you are just lost in the fog and thinking things that make no sense in the light of the day.His cheating has nothing to do with how hot you are or how unhot his wife is.Really, men don't cheat for that reason.Men cheat because of their internal emotional issues.Women don't cheat for that reason either, they also cheat because they have internal emotional problems.Your problem, you aren't sure of your own attractiveness and getting with a married guy makes it really hot and erotic because you think that his cheating means you are hotter and more desirable.But, that is not true.His cheating has nothing to do with YOU. It is all about HIM.Your cheating has nothing to do with HIM or YOUR HUSBAND. It is all about YOU.By the way...."i would lie to my husband"That is really just about as "unhot" and "unerotic" as you can get for a long term relationship.Read up on infidelity. Try some online forums for infidelity. See what you have really done. Then, work on YOU.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 I agree with the other aunts...he was just after extra marital sex...
He used all his charm and sweet talk to get what he wanted and now he's had it, he's ignoring you so you will take the hint and back off.
He might come around again for another go, especially if he has convinced you he's 'interested in more'...it's a good ploy for keeping you in the net so he can use you again.
The problem is that you can't see it...that's the problem indeed!!!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (14 September 2012):
 So you think that just because you are more attractive and more erotic than his wife he should lie and cheat the woman he married?
Are you willing to leave your husband?
if not, then you must make ammends to him.... however you see fit and stop this stupid game with your co-worker.
I have been in loveless marriages
I have been with abusive men
I am bisexual
I am hot and erotic and sexy
and I would never stoop so low as to cheat on my partner.
why not ask your husband what you are doing wrong so that your lover is ignoring you?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Some men just like the thrill of the chase and the initial bedding of a new woman. Once they have had that thrill and there's no need to seduce or chase and they know what she's like in bed, they grow bored quickly and move on to the next woman. I expect he's that type of guy.
They aren't into building relationships or nurturing loved ones (they usually have a wife at home for that) and see no reason to invest more than a few hours with the other woman.
The thing with these types of guys is that they aren't looking for a woman to dump their wives for, because they have no intention of leaving their wives. They just want that little frisson of excitement on the side, some new woman to explore for a bit and then they go home to their wives, perfectly content in the life they have constructed for themselves.
My dear, you are the victim of a hit and run lover. A willing and compliant victim but there you are, you have been played. Sorry.
If you put in some of that pent up sexual energy into seducing your husband, maybe you can rekindle your marriage. I expect you'll be caught sooner or later and maybe then the real work of salvaging your marriage can take place.
The only way to re-excite this workplace lover is to transmogrify into a new and different woman, because that is what this guy is after: variety and newness.
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A
female
reader, Lucky786 +, writes (14 September 2012):
 He got what he wanted SEX. That's it. Nothing more, nothing less.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (14 September 2012):
 Boy howdy if YOU can't see the problem my pointing it out will surely be met with a blind eye. Sheesh
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