A
female
age
41-50,
*eanette82
writes:Hi, I am new on here and would really like some advice on what to do. I have been with my boyfriend 4 years. He wont stop going on dating sites. I have caught him doing it and seen it with my own eyes 3 times, I have also got to the point where I have now started to track his date site life because I have learned not to believe him. Yes he`s still doing them. The only thing I haven`t caught is him going to meet any of them, and I prefer to believe he hasn`t. I feel like I am wasting my breath as all I get is lied to, or he accuses me of doing it too. No matter what happens he seems to always end up going on them. Is it worth trying to sort this out and find out why anymore, when he just wont admit to it anyway? I feel like I am going to explode. What do I do? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, delightful84 +, writes (12 September 2012):
It could be because you have caught him several times and always take him back, that he thinks he will get away with it all the time.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2012): You have caught him several times. I am sorry, but you are the one who keeps going back for more of it. You dont have to put up with it, but you choose to. You dont even have to ask the question because you know what you should do, so just dump him. He is a cheat full stop.
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female
reader, thinkb4  +, writes (10 September 2012):
It sounds very much like he is only with you because he cannot find anyone else. I am sorry to have to put it that way. I think you really need to consider getting away from him for good.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): omg dating sites again... i like em for one reason only, and that is they have a habit of attracting and exposing cheats. dump him honey.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 September 2012): The thing what stands out the most here is his disrespect for you. He does not care the slightest about your feelings or how he is making a fool of you. Dump him now.
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male
reader, bronzed adonis +, writes (9 September 2012):
 You would probably be better ending your relationship before he does.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): no its not worth trying to sort it out if he is determined to keep going on them. will you ever be able to trust him anyhow?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): You may think that because you have been with him so many years, that you may one day work things out. Do not look back at it as time invested, look back at it as a lot of time wasted. Do not waste any more time. Do not try to see it any different to what it really is. Nothing is going to change.
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female
reader, Jeanette82 +, writes (8 September 2012):
Jeanette82 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you everyone. This has been a cause of us breaking up and getting back together regularly for the past 3 years. In the times we have broke up he goes on them and puts his photo on. I have allowed him to talk me round every time, only to find out he is still on them but minus the photo. It`s as if he cannot help it, or it`s a highly addictive drug, because he knows what he is risking. I swear that I will not be going back this time.
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female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (8 September 2012):
 To be honest, I don't understand why you need to ask this question.
Your boyfriend is checking the market and making himself visible to other women. This is a pattern of behaviour. He doesn't even worry about getting caught anymore.
What exactly is keeping you here? When you imagined your ideal man did he resemble your boyfriend? Is this the life you want for yourself? Chasing a man who is busy chasing other women?
I'd say the time to kick him to the curb was after the first time. So what are you waiting for?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2012): You should walk!
It takes two to make a relationship work, and he just isn't bothered to put his half of the effort in.
Before long he'll probably leave you for someone else, so I'd take the initiative to do it now. At least you can walk away with some degree of dignity intact.
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female
reader, cgrlygo  +, writes (8 September 2012):
 I have to agree with honey pie as well as the others. His behavior won't change an no amount of you watching, tracking spying nagging or else wise is going to change that. What concerns me most is not what he's doing but the fact that you have no "deal breaker" What's to far for you and why you feel you are not worth more. I understand the place your in because I spent a very long time in the same situation.....and all it did was hurt me....he of course never changed. I on the other hand know what I won't put up with now. If he has to hide it he shouldn't be doing it.. Do your self a favor, sit down find out what's important to you!! If writing a list helps then do it....I'm pretty sure lying cheating and affairs is not on the list of how you want to be treated. Good luck.!!
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (7 September 2012):
 Leave him before you waste any more time on him. The issue isn't whether he is cheating or not. The issue is that he is lying to your face, has been lying for years, wont stop, and is showing you disrespect by going out "dating" while he has you. It shows that you are only there until he finds someone better, because he is still looking... Why do you think you deserve to be second best for him, and to be treated this way? He wont change, forget about it. He'll not change. He'll continue to lie to you, and if he lies about dating sites I am sure he is lying about other things as well. You can't have a future with a liar. Do you want to be married one day? Do you see yourself being married to a liar who uses dating sites while married to you? Maybe chatting up women while you sleep in the next room? No? Then why waste your time on this man when you can be single and looking for someone better. Dump him and join some dating sites yourself, or just stay single for a while. At least when single you still have your self respect. Continuing like this shows that you do not respect yourself.
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (7 September 2012):
 The thing is, he keeps doing it and every time he gets caught, he is "sorry" and your "forgive" him, it's vicious cycle that is not going to stop.
He does it because he CAN. A guy trolling dating site are ( in my opinion) looking for greener grass.
I would say enough is enough. You have already put 4 years into this relationship why invest more time with a guy who is STILL looking for his options?
Look at how he is making you feel. You FEEL like you have to check up on him, you seem to NOT trust him - what's left? you can't build a strong relationship of crumbling foundation.
Sorry hun, I don't think he is going to stop.
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (7 September 2012):
 Having your boyfriend chatting up other women on a dating site is the same as having him chat up women in a bar/pub/shop/anywhere!!!
It;s abnormal behaviour online the same as it's abnormal behaviour offline...I fail to see why people don't get that it's the same thing.
He knows that you know and still he won't stop...that;s a slap in the face for you and very upsetting and disrespectful.
You have two choices...stay and put up with it or end the relationship, he's alrerady getting away with it so he won't stop...so it's down to you to choose to stay or go.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): In my opinion, he is already looking 4 ur replacement. There is no need 2 stay in a relationship wondering whether r not the person is being g faithful. U have concrete proof. Dump him!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 September 2012): What to do?
It is not a difficult decision. You have to put your emotions aside and look at this objectively. He is courting other women online. Perhaps he's met up with them, perhaps he hasn't. Does it matter? The fact is he is not 100% in the relationship and instead is investing his time and emotions elsewhere. You can't salvage a situation like this.
You are young, don't waste any more years with this guy. Your in the prime age group to find a life long marital partner. Be smart, be objective and walk away.
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (7 September 2012):
 You need to dump him. There is no other option. He's either cheating on you, trying to cheat on you, or making sure he has options open on the side. You are wasting your breath, he won't stop. He doesn't care about your feelings at all, he will do as he likes and flaunt it in front of you no matter how much it hurts you. Time to leave him.
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