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I'm a male teacher. How do I handle an aggressive 13 year old female student?

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Question - (3 September 2012) 6 Answers - (Newest, 4 September 2012)
A male Ireland age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I am a male secondary school teacher (I'm 26). One of my female students keeps staring at me and flicking her hair and calling me over to her desk. She's 13. I try not to look at her inappropriately. She always flirts and makes me feel awkward. What should I do or say? One time I was standing there and she hit her bum off my crotch area. I do not know why though.

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A female reader, k_c100 United Kingdom +, writes (4 September 2012):

k_c100 agony auntAs all the other aunts have said, tell your superior immediately. It is so easy for teachers to get the blame when it is actually the child acting inappropriately, so the sooner you tell a senior member of staff the better. She will be taken aside, probably given some counselling sessions by the school counsellor if you have one, and she will quickly learn that she cannot behave like this.

Kids often have crushes on teachers, it is very common, and if it was just staring and flicking her hair then you could just ignore that. But if she is physically touching you like she has done then that is way out of line, she needs to understand this is very serious and you could end up losing your job because of her.

Tell someone as soon as you can and keep ignoring her behaviour, dont react to it and dont give her any reason to hope that you might like her too. Kids can often get silly ideas that their teacher's feel the same way about them, so you need to make sure that you dont even smile at her, dont give her any hope that you like her more than a normal student teacher relationship.

Good luck!

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A female reader, AuntyEm United Kingdom +, writes (4 September 2012):

AuntyEm agony auntI agree with the other aunts. Tell your superior and ask for guidance. Keep a record of any incidents and do not react to anything she does in a jokey of familiar way.

If she does anything aggressive or suggestive, you need to tell her, in front of the other students that her behaviour is inappropriate and unacceptable.

I agree with Aiden, if you try to handle this on your own, she could start making up tales and that could put you in a very difficult position, much worse to the one you are in now. Girls of that age can be very bitchy and calculating so be very careful.

I also agree with the proximity thing and if you have to speak to her away from the other pupils, ask another teacher to be present so you have a witness.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012):

Immediately see the head of your dept or head of school and advise them what is going on and they will take the necessary steps.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012):

Please report this behavior immediately! With all the scandals that has been placed on the inappropriate teacher/student conduct, you don't want that on your record.

Teenage girls are very fickle now a days so if you continue to ignore her, she may just decide to hurt you in ways you would never imagine.

Please let the proper authorities know now before it gets out of hand. I hope this helps. Best wishes.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States +, writes (4 September 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI think I would have a chat with school guidance counselor. I would also suggest you find an older teacher and asks how he/she deals with this. It's not that uncommon for students to have crushes on teachers.

You are the adult here, so don't let her phase you. And don't play along with her "game".

She is having a crush and seeing how far she can go. Set limits and do it now.

You realllllllly need to nip this in the bud.

If she does inappropriate things (like the bum brush/crotch thing you mentioned) CALL her out on it. Tell her it's not appropriate.

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (3 September 2012):

Keep it professional like you are doing, and tell your superior. Explain what’s happening and how uncomfortable it makes you feel and ask for advice on how to handle it. A good tip: if you discuss this verbally with your boss, write him/her an email as well confirming what was discussed and agreed. Keep that email. That way you’re back is completely covered. What you need to avoid is this girl making something up about you and you then being in a position where you have to defend yourself. It’s far better to raise an issue before it gets out-of-hand.

I wish you all the very best.

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