A
female
age
26-29,
*auren'xo
writes:Hey!:) Ok, I have a huge problem and really need some help!I'm 14 years old, and have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 4 months. He is 15, and in the year above me at school. At the beginning of the relationship, everything was absoutoley amazing! He would tell me how beautiful and amazing I am, and we were inseperable! But after about a month, he started getting over-protective and sort of controlling. He would go through my phone, always need to know where I am when not with him, look through my facebook messages, and so on. I fell apart from all of my friends because he wouldn't let me see them, he said I needed space from them. He made me start smoking, and that's one of the things I never wanted to do. Then about 2 months ago he started touching me all over, even in front of his friends! I told him I didn't really feel comfortable with things like that, so he said that I needed to get over it. Then, last month, we had sex. I really didn't want to, but he told me he really loved me and thought we are ready. About a week ago I found out that I'm now pregnant, and I'm so scared. I just don't know what to do. I have become distant from my bf since the night, and the only person who knows is my best friend. She always says she can help me with things, and promises to help me through this, but I feel as though I'm asking too much of her.I really don't know what to do, any advice?Thanks x
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female
reader, Plumb  +, writes (8 September 2012):
 If you need tip to tell a parent or adult then I'd suggest you set them down and just tell them, there's no other way to get around it..I know it is scary but that's just how it is when your this young and something like this happens. Good luck:)
A
female
reader, Lauren'xo +, writes (7 September 2012):
Lauren'xo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOP.
Hey guys, thank you all so much for your advice:)
I have looked online at all of the options which are available and tbh I think maybe adoption Is probably the option For me.
I will admit that I havent actually told an adult yet, but I was actually hoping that somebody would give me some tips on the best way to tell my parents or the careworkers? I am really scared!
Thanks!x
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female
reader, Plumb +, writes (7 September 2012):
I don't think you should get an abortion, many girls I know that have had them have gone through so much . You should tell someone and find out what the best option for you is even if it does come to abortion.. I do hope your ready for that emotionally
I do also suggest you leave your boyfriend, he doesn't sound like the kind of person that would be there for you at a time like this
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A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (7 September 2012):
 Adoption, not abortion. I can't stress enough the negative mental affect women get cursed with when they have gone through having an abortion. I know your young, and this was unexpected, but it doesn't mean things won't work out, or that you'll be a bad mom. Having a child young can be an obstacle. My son's mom and I were teens when he was born. She finished high school, and got a degree in college. Now our son is almost 22 and in college as well. My birth mom was 15 when she had me. I was adopted to a good family, and at 33 I met her. We now have a good relationship. You do what's best for you. Follow your heart, because a pure heart doesn't lie.
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female
reader, oliviaclairex +, writes (6 September 2012):
 He doesn't sound right for you. You deserve someone better who treats you with respect, leave him! Or at least go on a break for him and don't see him until your head is sorted.You need to think about you, and that fact you are pregnant.speak to your parents, although you think they may be angry, they will be more upset if you don't speak to them and it becomes a problem.Get yourself sorted, think about what you are going to do with your life as this is a MASSIVE BIG DEAL!Then, decided if you want to be with this guy or not. But I don't think he's worth it.Good luck!! x
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female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (5 September 2012):
hi I have just read your question and answers to it. you might be much better off with an abortion at your age. you dont want to be a single mum and also with you being in care and under 16 the baby could be taken off u -not trying to worry you but it is very likely. in the UK 16 is the age of consent as you know so you would be seen as not able to take care of a baby. I think at your age you have so much opportunities to do something with your life or be someone that you dont need to cut off those chances before you have even got them properly. do you know what you would like to do with your life? do you know what you would like to work at, if you would like to travel or where you would like to go on holidays when you are older and have the money? all these things are much harder and sometimes impossible with a kid in tow, especially when you will be raising it alone. you dont want that, you deserve better. Brook Advisory Service can help under 25s and will point you in the right direction with the pregnancy. good luck, do update us please!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2012): You need to tell the adults in your life first and foremost, and god's sake woman get rid of asshole controlling, abusive boyfriend okay? He didn't make you do anything but you're obviously not strong enough to say no to him so get rid.
Lauren the most important thing here is your health, being pregnant at your age is incredibly dangerous. People are so quick to focus on all the "miracle of birth" stuff that most don't know how physically dangerous it is to be pregnant at your age. You're at a very high risk of depression, especially given your life situation at the moment and your asshole boyfriend. Without proper prenatal care and emotional support from this moment on things can get very bad for you and the risk to your potential child are even more severe. Lauren a teenage friend is in no way equipped to be your support in all this, you need to go speak with your current guardian and you need to go see a doctor this week to both confirm the pregnancy and start your care as soon as possible.
This is not a choice, it's not a decision it's a necessity that you have to do right away.
With all due respect to the previous posters internet strangers can't do anything to help you, forget everything we say and only understand that you have to act now and speak to a trusted adult. If you're going to be a mother then it's time you stood up and did what you have to ensure the safety of this child, if you decide you don't want to be a mother you have to get support right now in what will be toughest decision you ever have to make. A teenage friend is in position to help you through this on their own.
Go tell them now, set up an appointment today to see a doctor before the end of the week and then send the asshole a text saying you never want to see him again that it's finished and block his number.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (5 September 2012):
 Not being pro-abortion doesn't mean you shouldn't consider it in this case. Im not for abortion, and I never intend to have one. If I get pregnant, then I'll have the child. I know I couldn't live with having an abortion.
But even so, I do support free choice for women to have an abortion. And no one has a right to judge you. You are VERY young, and not ready in any form to have a child. You are not physically ready, mentally ready, or financially ready. In addition, the man who impregnated you is immature, not ready to be a father, doesn't have any money either, calls you a liar and has nothing to offer in terms of love or commitment. He doesn't love you. If he loved you he would have worn a condom, or better yet not talked you into sex at all. If he loved you he wouldn't call you a liar, but believe you and face this with you. Instead, he is making the pregnancy all YOUR problem, refusing to take any responsibility. He's basically ditched you, but wants to keep you around for sex I guess (or to preserve his pride, so that he can be the one to dump you later on).
Lets face it: he's not fit to be a father.
In this circumstance I would recommend you have an abortion, rather than face the consequences of giving birth. Even if you give the child up for adoption, there are many complications when you are so young. You need to talk to your doctor about this immediately to get informed! Only when you have all the information you need will you be able to make the right decision for you.
http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/WSIHW000/31697/25753/310396.html?d=dmtContent
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 September 2012):
 honey it's scary... if you live in a care home tell the care providers...
because if you do decide to have an abortion it's better to do it sooner... and if you decide to have the baby (I don't advise this but it's a personal decision) you will need special care and help because of how very young you are.
as for the "boyfriend" you did right!
you are a brave strong young lady and I wish you all the best and happiness....
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male
reader, wolfred bane  +, writes (5 September 2012):
 Tell your parents. Get the police if necessary. Get away from that abusive a** hole. DO NOT fall for his sweet talking. They are a pack of lies.
Your parents may get very upset, but after they calm down, they will help you make it through.
I sincerely wish you the best of luck.
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female
reader, Lauren'xo +, writes (5 September 2012):
Lauren'xo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOP. I live in a care home, so yeah I guess I do have people I can tell, but I'm just scared about having to tell my mum the next time I see her. I have told my bf, but he thinks I'm lying and when I told him it was over he said he loved me etc...
I don't back abortion, never have done, but I'm seriously considering it right now, as with any other options there are.
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female
reader, chigirl +, writes (4 September 2012):
Talk to a teacher at school, get to your doctor and have a check-out. Tell the truth about how you ended up in this situation, tell the truth about your boyfriend.
Eventually, you will also have to talk to your parents. This boyfriend of yours is a user. You will meet them in life, everyone has run into those type of guys. Users and abusers and controlling men who pressure you into doing things, be that sex, drugs, smoking, or other things. I am sorry that you ran into one at such a young age, but if you might find it comforting to know that you aren't the only one who's experienced this.
The trick is to not fall for "sweet talking" again, and not let a guy walk all over you like that again. This was one mistake, and you need to make sure you do not make this mistake again. No man can make you have sex with him, or make you smoke, unless he's forcing himself on you (rape). You ALWAYS have the option of saying no, no matter how much he claims to love you. Btw, when a man wants you to do things because he "loves you", that is called emotional blackmailing. Be aware of that in the future. If a man ever tells you "you should do this because I love you" or "If you love me you will do this", then DON'T. It is emotional blackmailing, and he is lying to you about his feelings so he can get you to do things. It is manipulative behaviour. And it is very easy to fall for it, especially if you are young and inexperienced.
But you are smarter now, now you've learned, and I hope this will not happen again.
Talk to your doctor about possible steps to take from here, talk to your teacher as well about how your education will be if you keep the child, or if you can take time off to have an abortion (and I recommend a few days rest after an abortion, as well as therapy, to deal with the emotional part).
You'll pull through. But do not delay, get in contact with your doctor today and say it is urgent that you speak to him/her.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (4 September 2012):
Unfortunately you’ve experienced an emotionally abusive relationship at your young age. When you say that you didn’t want to have sex, did you make this clear to him and he forced you? If yes, the police could be involved if you wished to pursue that. If you did give him your consent even if privately you weren’t happy about it, a rape allegation would not stack up. That’s something you need to think about. As far as the pregnancy goes, you really do need to involve a trusted adult, preferably a parent. Soon enough the fact that you’re pregnant is going to be obvious and although they may be very upset at first when you tell them or as others have suggested show them this post, it will be worse for them if they discover it some other way or are forced to guess by your change of appearance as a baby bump develops. What’s more, whatever decisions you make about the pregnancy you will need to visit a doctor and a hospital. I know there are pretty strict privacy laws in the UK but if they suspect that you may be at risk of harm (physical, psychological or in whatever form) they may well contact the adult responsible for your care because you are still a child. This is, if nothing else, why an adult should be told now, but also whatever lies ahead for you it’s going to be tough and you shouldn’t go through this alone. Even if you don’t keep the baby you should know that, whatever your moral position on the subject, abortion becomes far more traumatic the later it takes place. The longer you put off asking for help, the harder this is going to be. I’m sure your best friend has the best of intentions and of course it’s great to have that support around you, but the two of you will be out of your depth with this and this is why you really don’t have much choice but to confide in an adult. I really cannot urge you strongly enough to do this as soon as possible. And do stop smoking: it’s not good for the unborn baby, and it’s damaging to your health. Your doctor or NHS internet resources can help you find support to quit. You should not only keep your distance from this boyfriend but also from all the bad things like smoking that he’s encouraged you to do.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): oh man, this could change your life forever, you know that, right??you need to tell your parents ASAP. they are going to find out eventually anyway. the sooner you tell them and face whatever they have to say or do, the better to get it over with. because once they are done reacting and processing the information, then they can help you. You're a minor so you're going to need their consent and their money for a lot of things no matter what happens. if you have this baby there's also going to be legal issues because your bf is the father and even if right now he doesn't want anything to do with you or the baby 10 years from now he might. you see, having a baby with someone ties you to that person forever even if you break up and move on to other partners. you're too young to be dealing with this on your own so you need to tell your parents now. if your parents are abusive, then tell a teacher or school counselor and ask them for help and they can be the ones to tell your parents and mediate for you and check on your well-being.
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (4 September 2012):
you must be brave and tell mom... show her what you wrote here.
she may cry
she may yell
she may get angry..
your boyfriend is no boyfriend he's a bully honey and he pushed you to do things you didn't want to do...that is NOT how we treat someone we care about.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (4 September 2012):
 First of all I'm so sorry this has happened to you, your boyfriend is an awful awful person and I cant imagine how scared you must be at the moment. It is great that you have a friend to support you, but she is probably the same age as you so she isnt old enough to properly help you though this, you need at least 1 adult to know about this so they can help you.
What you need to do is the following:
1. Tell your parents - they are going to find out soon when the bump starts showing. Yes they will be upset, that cant be avoided, but you need to tell them everything you have told us here. If you cant bring yourself to tell them you could just show them this post, you have explained it very clearly and they cant be angry at you when they find out your boyfriend pushed you into having sex. What your boyfriend did could be described as rape because you didnt want to have sex, did you say no to him or did you just let him get on with it? If you clearly told him no and he ignored you then that is 100% rape and you should think about going to the police. If you cant tell your parents for whatever reason then tell another trusted adult - your school should have a counsellor, or maybe a teacher you trust, or even another family member. You need an adult to help guide you though this, you are not old enough to deal with this alone.
2. Meet up with your boyfriend, tell him you are pregnant, and then dump him. He needs to know you are pregnant because at the end of the day, regardless of him being a complete asshole, it is still his baby and he needs to know that sex does have consequences. Hopefully this will scare him to death and he might learn that he cant go around forcing girls into sex because babies come along. You then need to dump him, because he is an awful person who has forced you to change your life so much you have changed as a person. He has tried to ruin your life, and you need to stop this now. He is a nasty, sex obsessed controlling little boy who has no respect for you and no idea how to treat a girl. He is not a nice person and not someone you should spend any more time with. Tell him the relationship is over and you will contact him later with your decision about the child. If I were you I would also contact his parents to let them know what has happened, they need to be aware that their horrible child is going around forcing girls into sex and getting them pregnant.
3. See a doctor (ASAP). There are many health problems for both you and the baby that come about because you are a teenager. There are lots of health risks because you are so young so you need to speak to a doctor as soon as you can so they can advise you on what needs to happen next.
Have you thought about whether you want to keep the baby or not? I know that is a very hard decision, and it is 100% your choice but there are options available to you. There is no shame at your age in having an abortion, or giving the child up for adoption. You are incredibly young to be a mother and if you keep the child it will change everything, so have a good hard think about what you want to do. If you keep the baby there is support available for teen mothers, again the doctor will be able to point you in the right direction. Equally, if you want an abortion the sooner you do it the better because it is less traumatic for you if you can do it before you are 8 weeks gone. Again, speak to your doctor who will be able to tell you exactly what is involved.
I know this is a lot to take in, which is why you need to tell an adult as soon as you can. They will be able to give you advice and listen to your worries, and help you come to a decision about your future. Book a doctors appointment and tell an adult, then tell your boyfriend and end the relationship. Once you have all that out of the way you will be able to focus on what you want to do with regards to the baby.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (4 September 2012):
 You need to tell your parents or whoever is your guardian.
Firstly because you are pregnant and will need a plan of care to guide you as the best thing to do and secondly to protect you.
This boy is in big trouble because you are both under 16 and when this all comes out in the open (which it will, because you can only hide a pregnancy for so long). In the eyes of the law, having sex with a girl under the age of 16 is statutory rape.
You are not old enough or mature enough to cope with this situation on your own and it will not go away so you need to tell a responsible adult NOW TODAY!!
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male
reader, rcn +, writes (4 September 2012):
Your boyfriend cannot make you do anything you didn't choose to do. You have a child coming into this world, so the first thing you must do is to take responsibility for your actions. When a guy is controlling, dump him. You are to young to begin experiencing those kinds of relationships.
You've known for a while what kind of guy he is. Controlling, and manipulative. He didn't care much for you, he just wanted what's in between your legs, and you.... wanting to be loved and cared for... listened to his b.s. and allowed him to manipulate his way into having sex with him. Girl, you're going to have a beautiful, precious baby. That's a gift, no matter how you look at it, but your choices in men, and how you allow yourself to be treated must change. NO guy has a right to do as he's done to you. I don't care if he says he loves you... his actions speak different, because love isn't controlling or manipulative, and will NEVER isolate you from friends or family.
You need to tell your parents. Yes, they will be pissed, and disappointed, but realize that comes from their fear for you. Things will work out if you remain truthful to yourself, and others about what happened, and I'm sure you're have a support team with your pregnancy. I wish you the best of luck. Take care.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): When you aren't sure what to do, its always a good idea to get advice, so it is good that you are reaching out to ask for some. Sharing what has happened will also make things easier for you than carying it around by yourself. You will need to make your own decisions in the end, but it is good to get different perspectives, different points of view. Firstly, its generally advised that you speak to your parents, or whoever takes care of you as your guardian. You might have good reasons not to, but if you are just afraid to tell them and there isn't a good reason not to, you probably should speak to them sooner rather than later. It is important that you speak to adults for this kind of problem because they have the life experience to understand the consequences of the choices you will have to make, and can hopefully explain them to you in a way that your friends may not be able to appreciate at their young age and level of experience. You will also need help, and adults can often help in ways that friends cannot. If you cannot speak to your parents, speak to a school counsellor or a doctor if you can. There are various phone services you could try too if you feel you have no one to speak to in person. Secondly, know that some of your options have time limits. For example, if you aren't decided whether you want to have the baby or have an abortion, that is a decision that will fall away if you don't make it in the time frame that you are able to still have an abortion in. These are life changing decisions, so you will want to make the one that feels right to you at the point at which decisions will be made. Third, if there is any chance that you will have this baby, it is critical for the baby's health that you stop smoking immediately. Simply put, every cigarette you smoke will do harm to the child. Fourth, realise that you have nothing to worry about. Whether you have the child or don't have the child, you can go on from this point to have a happy and amazing life either way. Your life will be what you make it, what you choose, so just do your best to choose wisely based on the situations life presents you. You can't unchoose this situation, it has happened, but you don't need to feel good or bad about it either way. Simply accept the situation as it is, and choose what you want to happen from now, going forward. Things will work out, and the more honest you are with yourself about what you want and what you don't, the better things will work out for you. Trust yourself, and make the best decisions you can given the information and circumstances you are given, you can't do any more in life than that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): You are a baby having a baby it's very sad. Then on top of that you are smoking very dangerous combination.You child could be born with birth defects.Please let your parents know before it's to late believe me you don't need a baby when that's what you .Please you are young and beautiful get your education do something with your life.Make money do something for yourself and having a kid shouldn't be one of them.Think about it your worth is waiting for you.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (4 September 2012):
So your boyfriend made you start smoking and he made you have sex and now he made you have a baby...hmmm sounds like you're in quite a pickle.
I'm sure your best friend wants to help but there's only so much you can do and the more time you waste asking questions online means you have less options. You NEED to tell your mom or dad (whoever you feel most comfortable telling) and have them help you decide to keep it, place it for adoption, or abort it; because afterall, they will be the ones supporting it. It's scary, but they will find out either way. Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): Step 1) Tell your mother and go get an abortion. There's really not much else you can do unless you want to wreck your life.
Step 2) Leave your boyfriend, he sounds like trouble and don't ever have sex again until your old enough to either be ready to have a kid or at least old enough to know how to use protection.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2012): You need to talk to your parents, this is not something you can handle on your own - because you are a CHILD which is why it is ILLEGAL for you to engage in sexual acts.Never let anyone pressure you into things you do not want to do, and never take part in adult activites (smoking, sex) if you cannot handle the consequences (pregnancy, cancer from smoking).You should be seeing a doctorTELL YOUR PARENTS.
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