A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is just not putting forth effort into our relationship. She wants me doing all this shit and I get nothing back in return. I even tried telling her nice things all the time and loving on her but I got nothing back in return. I want to know if all girls are like this or just some. She wouldn't even write in my notepad![Moderator's Note: Original Poster's own title] Reply to this Question
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male
reader, muiga  +, writes (23 October 2016):
I think few girls put in anything in a relationship most don't,a huge percentage materialize intimacy n count is as effort,n guys are less outspoken so I think that's why it's a guy did this a guy did that,but there bad men out there too just as many as the ladies,i think you should make the best call for you because it doesn't matter to her anyway n when you get that good girl that treats you right drop the bitterness from your previous experiences and give things room for growth
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 If you want to know whether she still loves you or not , stay away from her for a week and do not communicate with her at all.
When you meet her again , see what is her reactions.
Then you would know whether this relationship can continue on or be terminated.
If she likes you she will come for you and you do not have to do anything for her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): If you stay with her and she doesn't start giving, it probably means your self esteem is a bit low.
As for her, her relationship with her dad probably isn't so great. Ho hum at best. So she may have difficulty connecting with you properly.
I think you've both chosen poorly, and you should find a girl who treats you well.
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A
female
reader, kelsey18  +, writes (15 February 2010):
 Hmm, in what ways does she not make effort? She doesnt make time for you? doesnt return your calls? doesnt make effort in bed? x
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A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice +, writes (15 February 2010):
 This feeling of doing all the work or all the giving is pretty common. I believe that it has more to do not understanding the opposite sex more than anything. Quite often in a relationship a person gives what they would like to receive (projecting). Instead of giving them what they want. Then the receiver ends up thinking that the other person is not giving.
I think you should take a more careful inventory of your relationship, with this in mind. She may be holding back because she is waiting for you to do something she expects, but that you are unaware of. She may be actively or passively giving you something that you aren't counting.
Misunderstanding could be seen as apathy and kill the relationship before you get the chance to learn. At least find out what is going on so you don't get into the same situation again.
BTW what did you get her for V- Day?
FA
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): No, not all girls are like this. I was once in a relationship where I put a huge amount of effort into it, and the guy gave nothing back.
It may be that she is not into the relationship, or not ready for one. Either way, if you are unhappy, and feel that you aren't getting what you need, then you could try talking to her about it, and explain how you feel. If it makes no difference, then walk away. There will be other girls out there who will give back to you as much as you give to them. x
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (15 February 2010):
 No, not all girls are like this and it is quite a ridiculous generalization for you to make out that ALL girls dont put any effort into relationships.
I suggest you type the word "effort" into the search box on the top right hand side of the home page of Dear Cupid. You will find that the majority of the questions that come up (over 10 pages may I add) are from women and girls asking why their boyfriends/partners/husbands dont put any effort into their relationship any more. So judging from the amount of people that post on DC about this topic - the trend is that men dont put effort into relationships.
Now obviously if I believed that then I would be making a massive generalization too - both men and women are equally prone to not putting effort into relationships, and this can be for a huge number of reasons. maybe your girlfriend no longer feels the same way for you, maybe your girlfriend has something major on her mind she is scared to talk about, maybe your girlfriend is stressed from college/school/her job.....the list could go on and on.
But the only way you are going to resolve the situation is to tell her how you feel. Explain that you feel you are putting in all the effort into the relationship and she is not giving anything back in return. Ask her if there are any reasons behind this, or if she is not even aware she is behaving like this. Make sure she understands that you are not happy and you want things to change.
Talking is the only way to solve problems like this, otherwise the situation will only get worse.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (15 February 2010):
Most girls aren't like this at all. Your girlfriend just isn't that great I'm afraid. Perhaps this is not the girl for you and you would be better moving on.
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A
female
reader, 19queen +, writes (15 February 2010):
 not all girls are like this, i am a girl and i wouldnt treat you like that. so to be honest, you may tihnk you love her but you could do better. so find someone that feels the same way about you. xx
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