A
female
age
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*dnor
writes:I believe I know the answers to these questions but am really looking to see what others say. I know my husband tells me I'm wrong, but, I don't think so.Does a man love you when:He cheats on you, gets the woman pregnant, doesn't tell you about it for almost 4 years. He's "hung out" with other women, even taken one to his mothers for dinner. Now, after he tells you he's done all this, he shows no remorse for his actions, even goes on to then start IM'ing with women, emailing other woman, joins dating sites(supposedly to look at women...like Playboy magazines he says), acts uninterested in me, not much commuication, not much initmacy at all(there's more than this...just so much stuff...thought this much would be enough to get the point across). Yet, I'm supposed to believe he loves me and wants our marriage to work?Am I plumb crazy to think he's lying his butt off??Thanks to all who take the time to respond to this. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 February 2010):
 He loves you because he thinks you are always there for him like his mother..He thinks that you are for keeps and that you condone his activities.
He thinks , he does not have to work at the marriage or care about your feelings.He treats you like his belongings .
You are the serious one while all the others are only for fun.Some men have that kind of perceptions .They take your love for granted.
Yes! Some man can still love you after all they have done those things. Their minds have compartments and they treat it as a separate issue.
That is how his simple mind works....
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female
reader, Adnor +, writes (16 February 2010):
Adnor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'd like to thank those that took the time to give me their input on my question.
It's much appreciated to read what you wrote...like vindication for my feelings.....I know how I feel, what I see, etc, so it's nice to know that I'm not plumb crazy afterall!!!
Thanks again & y'all have a wonderful day
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male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (14 February 2010):
 I know a thing or two about this kind of situation. Although I know it to be true that it is possible for a man to love his wife and yet cheat on her, from what you say, this man does not appear to love you. I think that you would both be better off to draw this relationship to a close.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): He could still love you, but not in the right way. Love is a bit more than a feeling of happiness to be around that person or thinking about them from time to time... Love is also respecting, honoring, and so much more. Especially MARRIAGE is a lot more of a contract between to people than it is just about love. He can say he loves you all he wants, but that's not going to safe this marriage, or make his actions alright. He might still care a great deal about you, and be hurt if you left him, but he's neglected everything else love requires, like trust, commitment and not to mention all his vows.
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reader, Brooklyngirl +, writes (13 February 2010):
 Yes, Honey, you do know the answers to your questions! Except the last one you asked...YOU ARE NOT PLUMB CRAZY!
Love is not cruel! Love is not full of pain!
This man doesn't know the meaning of love! He possibly has a need for you, but it is NOT love!
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female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (13 February 2010):
 This man does not love you, he does not care about you and he does not respect you or your marriage. He is breaking all the marriage vows he made to you - but I think you already know all of this.
I think you know what you need to do, because if you dont leave him you will just continue in this cycle of him lying to you, you questioning yourself and your relationship, and then your self-respect and confidence will slowly be washed away until you have nothing left.
I'm sure deep down you know that you deserve better than this, there is no point in fighting to save a marriage that your husband clearly does not want to be in. He is showing no signs of trying to make this work, he is continuing to disrespect you so it is time to move on I'm afriad. There is only so much you can do - if he is not committed to you and making your marriage work then I'm afraid your marriage is over. A marriage needs 2 people to make it work, and in this case it seems there is only 1 person trying to make it work.
Sorry this has happened to you, I cant imagine how hard it must be when you see someone who is supposed to love you treat you this way. You really do deserve better, keep telling yourself that and it should give you strength.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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reader, kyle_sa +, writes (13 February 2010):
 I'm sorry to hear that!! Basically, Love is commitment which is a contract between two people that includes honesty, integrity, loyalty, intimacy etc.. So looking at your situation non of the above exists. all what I can say " shape up or ship out" and that would make things easier for both of you guys!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 February 2010): No you are not crazy. You said that you knew the answer to your question. You know deep down this man is not for you (or anyone else by the sounds of it).
You deserve better than this. Make plans to leave him. Sort out any issues with kids, finances etc and just leave. It may be hard at first depending on how long you have been with him but you will get over this.
He doesn't love you and he certainly does not respect you. He tells you he wants the marriag to work because he wants the comfort of a woman at home whilst he goes out and has the single life.
Take care.
Keep us posted on what happens.
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