A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I don't know where to start..I'll explain it to the best I can.Please be kind and understanding with your replies.It IS normal for a guy to find girls attractive from when they can start to create a child. (Puberty).It is just society today, etc that has changed things, and added legal ages and laws, etc. But to find a girl attractive and pretty, and actually 'want' them, from like ages 9+ is actually perfectly normal. (I've researched this. Its just been changed over time, because of laws etc.)I'm 20, and basically, I find young girls attractive, From 12-16.All my life i've gone for, and fancied the slim girls. I prefer small breasts compared to big, I don't like big breasts at all. All my gf's have been extremely slim, with small breasts. Only recently, I've noticed this fondness for young girls even more, especially with stumbling across "young teen models" pictures online. Which are legal and clothed etc, so don't worry. These girls can be anywhere from 12-15 ish.. I think.I've talked to a few girls which are in this age range, and have flirted and stuff online. But nothing more. I loved it. I won't lie.Thing is - everybody these days all of a sudden think, that if a guy at my age, finds girls at this age attractive, that their suddenly a paedo. But its not that at all! I can't help it (And in fact is perfectly normal). I wasn't abused when I was younger, nothing. Nothing has influenced me to find young girls attractive. I can't help what my mind likes more than other things.My question is really...--- How do I cope with this forever?It kinda does take over my life sometimes. When in the street, and I see a pretty school girl I'll check her out. Its no myth, all guys do it, to girls at this age, trust me, but its not ever spoke about. I always think things, but I always have to keep it in my head, and it drives me a bit crazy knowing its frowned upon and I have to keep it a secret.I've not spoken to nobody about this I know. And I'd find it extremely difficult to ever do so. Would I be allowed counseling etc? To talk to someone about it etc?My girlfriend kinda does know I like younger girls. She is 16 herself. We have roleplayed that she is younger, etc. Which was great. She knows I love slim, young girls, with small breasts, small arses, everything. Its just the total cuteness and natural prettyness of the girls I love, and the innocence. We've never actually have talked about this in any depth what so ever.I'll stop it here..Thanks in advance for your reply.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 February 2010):
 Well going to the Doctor would be the easiest thing to do - that way the chances are you would get refferred to a free service in your area. Many places in the UK offer free therapy services for teenagers and young adults. I dont really know how you could begin a discussion like that with your doctor - it will be a very difficult thing for you to do but the important thing is to make that first step to getting help. I suggest you say something along the lines of "I am worried about a pattern of behaviour I seem to be having, where I am attracted to young girls/children. I know this behaviour is wrong therefore I have come to seek help, and I was wondering if you could help me with any counseling services that may be available to me?" You dont have to see your own GP, just ask for another doctor in that surgery, and you dont even have to see that doctor ever again.
If you really cannot bring yourself to see a doctor then you might have to pay for therapy, but this is entirely your decision. These websites might help:
http://www.bacp.co.uk/
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Mental-health-services/Pages/Introduction.aspx
While it will be very hard for you to open up to a therapist (I know, I've been there!) eventually after a few sessions all of this will come spilling out of you and you will feel like a weight has been lifted. If you find the right therapist (dont be afraid to ask to see a different therapist within the same practice if you feel it is not working) then they will uncover things you never even imagined, and I guess you will feel a bit like you did when you read my post earlier. Therapists look at you and your behaviour/personality in a way you could never look at yourself, and gives you some amazing insight into yourself.
It is definitely worth doing, I promise you that. So you just need to swallow your pride, accept that what you are doing is very brave and a step in the right direction. If you keep that in mind at all times, then whatever discomfort you are feeling whilst talking to your doctor or therapist will not be quite so bad.
I hope this helps and good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionk_c100, your post, hit me, to say the least.Reading it, I was shocked, and had to kinda step back and start reading it again in more depth, and think about everything you pointed out.I think your right, with the child like bodies.As I hate having girlfriends who aren't mentally mature.Funny huh. lol.I can't stand childishness, it just annoys me with girlfriends. But my nieces etc for example, their childish obviously, but they don't annoy me cause their just my nieces.So I do say it is the child like bodies I like in partners.My last two long term girlfriends, have both had eating problems too. One anorexia, other bulimia. Nothing too severe to be honest, but yeah. Something i thought id say.Girls at 12-14, hit puberty and their bodies start to change. But not until 14+ It actually changes a lot more, at the lower end of this scale its still child like, and not majorly changed - e.g. breasts, hips, etc etc.With you saying about parents maybe finding chat logs and accuse me of grooming, is quite worrying.As it was just harmless, but I can see why they would be worried. I don't stalk facebook, myspace or anything, looking for young girls, Im not any sort of stalker. I didn't actually start the flirting with the said girl, it was infact her, but yeah. Not an excuse. If I did seek help of a therapist, how the hell would I go about it?I'd find it extremely hard to try and explain all of this to a therapist.How would I seek a therapist for this sort of thing too. I don't want to go to my doctor to refer me .. aha. Talking on here actually does help, its clearing things up for me in my head, and putting things into place, answering questions and things. But theres still a lot I don't understand and probably won't without therapist help. Hmm.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (2 February 2010):
I think a therapist is the best option for you - it could create problems for you in the future so best to deal with it now and find out if there are any underlying causes.
I think you may be a little confused in what you are saying on here - you claim that you like young girls when they come into the age around puberty/child bearing age, but then you also say you like small breasts etc. This is a complete contradiction - you actually like child-like bodies rather than liking them at puberty age. Because when a girl hits puberty - their breasts get larger, hips widen - generally they develop a more feminine, womanly shape. So I think you might have some issues surrounding that - maybe a battle in your subconscious between knowing you should grow up, thinking about having children etc and wanting to remain a child yourself.
Anorexics often develop their condition through their desire to stay as much like a child as possible - whether this pressure comes from themselves or someone else in their lives. So possibly (I'm just throwing ideas out here) you could be trying to control your own development into adulthood by attaching yourself to another "child" so to speak, hence slowing down this progression into adulthood.
I'm in 2 minds whether this is normal and how you are going to go about the rest of your life. On the one hand, there are plenty of very thin adult women who have boyish/child-like figures that you find attractive. So you will have very few problems in meeting someone you find physically attractive.
However I get the feeling there is more to this "child" part of it than you are letting on. I think when your current girlfriend gets older, you will possibly lose interest. Not because physically she has changed (as I said, there are plenty of thin older women out there) but I think the reason you will lose interest is because she is not a child any more. Now at 20 this is not much of an issue because your current girlfriend only has a 4 year age gap. But when you are 30 or 40, and still looking at 16 year old girls then this is a bit weird.
So I guess my conclusion would be that if you dont grow out of this phase by the age of say 25, then it becomes a major problem and is in no way normal or healthy. It is ok when you are just looking at teen porn or something (all legal may I add) but when you start looking at 9 year old children in the street that is when it is taken to a new level. I agree that some men (not all) like younger girls, for a variety of reasons. But when it starts to control your life, controlling your relationships and your starting to flirt online with young teens/children - that is fundamentally wrong.
Online flirtations with children and young teens is very worrying - it would be quite easy for one of the childrens parents to find a conversation you have had with their child and find out exactly who you are - in their eyes you would be a pedophile grooming their child for sex, regardless if it was just flirting or not.
As I said before, at present your behaviour and feelings are not a major problem and would generally be considered normal. But you are treading a thin line, bordering on some disturbing behaviour that could get you into a lot of trouble.
Seek some help, and try and find other outlets for your feelings.
I hope this helps and good luck.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (2 February 2010):
You are treading on dangerous ground; sorry to bring everybody back to earth. Yes, children may BEGIN to undergo puberty to prepare their bodies for procreation in the future. But physical maturity (which takes 4 to 5 years) is only a small part of it and cannot be divorced from the greater need for emotional and social maturity in tandem. Incidentally, the ten/twelve year old raped girls I have dealt with in my work and their pregnancies are often terribly complicated; I've witnessed a several hysterectomies in this age group and fistulas in almost every case. 2 years ago, we had a tiny 13 year old pregnant with twins who was hidden away by her family because they had married her off secretly. She died together with her twins because her body was not mature enough to carry a pregnancy to term. Puberty is only the beginning of years of maturity needed to procreate. Coming back to the social development, most boys have their first wet dream at about 12. I think there has to be something psychologically wrong with a woman who would look at a boy this age and be sexually attracted to him. Physically they can father children but emotionally and socially, can they? Children need at least 5 years to go through the stages of puberty before mentally deviant people begin to look at them as possible partners. You are just going to have to control yourself because the laws that are there were created to protect children who are still developing physically, emotionally and socially from perverts and child molesters.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCeliaaletta -
Having sexual thoughts of a underage girl doesn't automatically make me a paedophile.
If I think of fucking a dead person right now, doesn't automatically make me a Necrophiliac either.
If you act upon your feelings, and do it. Then yes.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionA male reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010):
Yeah, I know, the laws and legal ages today have to be abided by obviously. We don't live in the past.
Thanks.
Marriedlady -
Yeah, It does help. Being with someone with the physical appearances I love. One problem i've had all my life though, is that Im very picky with girls... their appearance etc! always have been. Any girl who doesn't meet a specific type of physical appearance for me, and I find it hard to ever get 'close' to them as a Girlfriend and more. I always just end up like having them as a friend. Weird, I know. but :x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): i dont know if this would help at all but i have a friend who is now 33 who would pass for 14 any day. she has two girls, one of them is 14 and one maybe 11....she is small maybe 90 lbs and very pretty. the reason i mention this is because i would look for someone who was older that fit what appeals to you.i think there are ways to deal with the attraction without breaking any laws. There are women that fit your idea. mal
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): No it wouldn't okay as below the age of 16 you would be breaking the law. You are better to stay in the mindset that it will never happen.
If you can't hold out not sleeping with underage girls then good on you for realising it BUT you should def see someone about it. I hear you about society and the law and so on but if you want to be a part of society you will need to stick to its laws.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea, I totally agree with you boo22.
I also ask myself those questions too.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Strongfp, good advice.
I do find them attractive, cute, sweet, but yea, I do have a desire to have sex with them. Otherwise, I wouldn't really be bothered to be honest. Nothing wrong with finding girls at that age attractive, cute, sweet, etc. But to desire to have sex with them is a different matter.
Yeah, maybe seeing a Therapist to talk about it is a good idea. Im just curious as to whether it'd be... OK?? I guess it would be. I don't know how I'd conjure up the courage to do that though.. but its something to think about.
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A
female
reader, boo22 +, writes (2 February 2010):
 I admire your honesty and you're only 20.
It worries me a little that if it's the innocence and the cuteness of them that you like, then what are you going to do when your 40?
Little girls grow up and if you can't find girls your own age a turn on when your older then it's getting into a weird area in my view.
I hope your tastes mature, cos if this post was from an older guy it would be sleazy.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply The Realist, your reply did help me a lot. By applauding me, to actually bringing this up. Cause it was quite difficult to be honest. Been scared as to what replies i'd get etc. Yeah, I am quite down to earth with it. I've had to be, to persuade myself its normal, etc.
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A
male
reader, The Realist  +, writes (2 February 2010):
 You could go for conselling but I don't know if it would help since you do seem to be very down to earth about your situation. It is quite normal considering that in the past men twice their age would marry girls as commen practice.
I'm just worried that it might take you to a bad place some time in the future. As long as you can control yourself in public and stay away from anything illegal this will stay a harmless fantasy.
The role playing is a good idea, it will let you fulfill your fantasy without doing anything wrong. Talking about it is the best thing you can do and I applaud you for bringing something like this up.
Best of luck to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2010): I guess, just choose the girls you like who are legal, don't mention to anyone you like underage girls, don't obviously oggle young girls, and don't look at child porn.
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