A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Just to set things up: I'm 18, just graduated high school in the spring and am now in college. I'm a gay guy and a virgin.Okay, here's the thing, there are no remotely gay people at my school. None. I've been to all the LGBT club meetings and I am the only guy there. I recently have been feeling quite needing of someone to experience the wonders of life with me, however cheesy that may sound.So, I did what most people advise against doing. I went to an online dating site and messaged a couple of men that I was attracted to. Then, I came across this guy who is completely my type. He's 56, 5 foot 4 inches, has a nice full beard and amazing eyes. (Yes, I'm into that. Don't judge.) I was careful to see if he was real and to see that he wasn't some freak. Eventually, through skyping with him and talking on the phone, I realized that he was an alright man. We decided that in two weeks we will meet in a public place for a nice date.Now, however, I'm getting quite nervous. It's not because I don't trust him, it's just I don't know what to do. I'm frazzled. Any advice? We have also planned for him to show me the ropes of safe sex. Any advice on that as well? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): Wow, m8, as a young, and highly attractive, gay male, I can honestly say you are treading dangerous water. While you may view this man as something more than just an old perv; take a step back and think about it from his point of view. I've been around the block a few times in my young life (I'm 23 by the way), and I have lived a rough life haha. I've been the bed-mate of a person who was nearly 60 before, for a couple years.... Its degrading, and it steals from you not only your self identity as a young gay male, but is a great way to contract std's ( I never did, but I know many people who have). Think about your reasoning, and the things that have led you up to a point in which you are clinging to a man almost three times your age in a sexual way. To me, this speaks mountains about insecurities around guys your own age.... Whatever you do, because in the end it is most certainly your decision; think long and hard about how this is going to effect you 10 years or more down the road. Think about the experiences adding up, and what, in the end you will achieve out of this. I strongly suggest you pursue a different road, a healthier more self-centric road... Take a step back, and think about the importance of monogamy and things that are not so self-deprecating as putting out to a guy who is old enough to have fathered you. You are young, and impressionable, no matter how much you wish you weren't, and in a few years time; things will look much different to you, trust me there. I urge you to think, think, think! Good luck with whatever you decide.
A
male
reader, AvgGuy1 +, writes (27 October 2011):
 I'm with iAmHereToHelpYou. I know there are guys out there... younger that go for older... and vice versa... but... You should take things really really slowly.
Meet, dinner, date, ok schedule another date. No jumping into the sack right away. if you need to get your rocks off... that's what porn is for. Wait until you've developed a relationship before you go jumping in bed with someone.
Good Luck!
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A
male
reader, yum yum  +, writes (25 October 2011):
 I'm surprised that an 18 year old would be attracted to a man of 56. I believe he just wants to have sex with you. You should not meet up with him. Stay online friends. Tell him you don't want to meet up because you are too shy. Its you decision though, you are an adult. just beware of his intentions if you do meet up.
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A
male
reader, serenity80  +, writes (24 October 2011):
You are looking for something special - and by that, I am guessing something more than some seedy shag.
This guy must feel like all of his birthdays have come at once!
Don't cheapen yourself to be some object for a pervy old man. Because that is how you will feel, after he is done with you.
You need to meet someone closer to your own age. Don't think for a moment there aren't PLENTY of guys out there who can be this person because there are, so continue looking. You will be glad you did.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (24 October 2011):
 Sorry but this man is 56, there is no way he should be interested in showing a boy of 18 the ropes of safe sex. He sounds completely wrong to me, you need to be very careful here as I think you are in danger.
I know you might think we are all just over-reacting, but stop and think for a minute. Imagine you are a gay 56 year old man and a virgin 18 year old boy contacts you online - can you not see how wrong that sounds?! Just because you have skyped and talked on the phone doesnt mean that he is okay - the fact that he wants to have sex with an 18 year old at his age is just wrong!
Even for a heterosexual couple where the man is 56 and the girl is 18 I would be saying the same thing, the guy is a perv and just wants your virginity, nothing more.
I really hope you dont meet him, I'm sure there are plenty of guys you could meet online who are under 30 and far more suitable for you. Keep looking - dont just meet the first guy you talk to, the internet means there is a world of choice open to you rather than pervy old men who should know better.
If you are adamant you want to meet him, then please tell a friend or family member where you are going, and ideally make it during the day too. And whatever you do, DO NOT sleep with him until you have had a number of dates. People online are often not the same in real life so look at it like this is the first time you are meeting him and you need to get to know him right from the start again.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (24 October 2011):
 Yikes, you haven't even met him but you already spoke about his showing you "the ropes of safe sex"? Yikes, he's 56? Yeah I'd be nervous if I were you, very very nervous. Make sure you meet in a totally public place and DO NOT HAVE SEX with him until you are absolutely positive he's not a perv.
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