A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone my fwb was supposed to cook for me last night, and I was supposed to be staying at his. But I have not heard from him for over a week now, this is not unusual, though what should I do?should I text him? or should I wait for him to get in touch with me first?We have been fwb since march and I was hoping last night was going to be the first time he has done anything for me.I was hoping things were getting more serious?Thank you for any answers in advance
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (18 October 2011):
 hope is not a tangible thing is it? like wishes and faith. next time you get so involved with someone - get something more concrete from them from the start. i have heard that men and women feel differently about sex - for us women it is more about bonding, but men do not have this urge - their urge is purely about getting the sex and they do not get emotionally tangled the way we do - do don't ever bank on the man feeling the same way as you do.
what you do now about your FWB depends on how desperate you are to go along with his wants - how much pride and self worth do you have? what are your wants worth really? - less than his?
if you want to be a toy for someone who doesn't even have the respect for you to keep in regular contact then fine, go ahead and call him. if however you can start to see that you are being treated like rubbish and you want to put a stop to this, don't call him and don't go with him again until he changes his mind drastically about what he is willing to give (word of advice though - he might not do. once you have let a guy disrespect you i think its too late to get all precious)
x
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 things are not getting serious.
he's been FWB with you since March. IF he was more serious you would know it by now...
When I was young my mother would say "why buy the cow when the milk is free"... he does not have to wine you, dine you or romance you to get you to put out... so why should he?
at least 98% of the time FWB does not ever amount to anything other than SOMEONE (usually the woman) GETTING HURT... (i'm guessing at this number I don't have a citation for it)
women sleep with men in hopes that they will fall in love with them... and want to be with them.. it RARELY works.
Think about WHY you are FWB with him... and decide if it's worth it...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): Sounds as if you are being used. FWB only works if you both make it work by being fair and straight. This sounds very one sided. Weigh up if this is the case, if it is there is no chance of it developing further and actually you might be better of calling a halt to your FWB status with him.
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 October 2011):
 Look you have made the classic mistake - you want more from him than FWB and he only wants sex. I dont understand why so many women do this, they think that if they get into a FWB eventually he will want something more and that if they give away sex so easily he will fall in love with them.
Well let me tell you this - if you start off as FWB it will NEVER be anything more. He just sees you as a bit of casual fun, he can pick you up and put you down whenever he wants hence why his texts are so infrequent - he will only contact you when he is horny and wants sex.
If you give away sex so easily without any committment then he will (sorry to say this) never see you as girlfriend material because you are just an easy shag to him. Lets look at what he is getting - sex whenever he wants it with a girl he knows without having to go through any of the effort of dating. It is win win for him! Whereas for you, you are hoping that by giving him what he wants he will realise how wonderful you are and how much he wants to be with you, and he will fall in love and you will live happily ever after.
Sorry but that is not going to happen, EVER. You want more, he wants an FWB - you want different things therefore this isnt working. So you have 2 options:
1. Accept you are just sex to him and will never be more, and keep up the arrangement but put your feelings to one side and view him as just sex as well
2. End the FWB, tell him how you feel and then take it from there. I am almost 99% certain he will tell you he doesnt want anything more from you, but there is always a small chance so you could be brave and tell him how you feel and you never know, he might admit his feelings too.
Have a search on this site - type in FWB to the search box and you will see for yourself, the majority of questions are from girls wanting more from their FWB's. You rarely see a guy who has fallen for his FWB!
I hope you learn from this experience, never have an FWB unless you are certain that you dont have ANY romantic feelings for that person and never will develop any either. FWB's are designed to be completely without feelings - no strings attached sex. The only reason it is with a 'friend' is because it is better to have sex with someone you know, rather than a stranger.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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