A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone!For a while now I've been sleeping with a guy who I'm friendly with. We both agreed it would be a no strings attached relationship, which I'm completely happy with. You see my life is pretty chaotic I'm up in college during the week and come home weekends just to work. I have barely any time to spend with family and friends, let alone commit to a relationship. Having said that I still enjoy sex and don't want to cut that out of my life.Well this guy and I were talking and I was mentioning how my last relationship completely failed because I couldn't dedicate enough time to it and I made a joke about how I just wished I could find a guy who just wanted casual hook-ups. Anyway one thing led to another and we started sleeping together during the weekends.Everything was going great until recently when he admitted that he's developed feelings for me. I really like him, but I don't want to get into a relationship again right now. I told him how I felt and he seemed really disappointed. I suggested that we should stop sleeping together since he has feelings for me and I don't want to hurt him. He says that he doesn't want us to stop and that he can handle us just having sex. I don't know though, should I end it? The sex is amazing but I don't want to hurt his feelings by letting him hope for a relationship when I know there isn't going to be one. What should I do? Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for all the responses, they all really helped. All of you are right. We talked about it over the weekend and we've decided to just be friends for the time being minus the sex. We're going to try hanging out together for a few hours each weekend and see how it goes. I told him that I didn't want to commit to a relationship with him because it wouldn't be fair on him having a girlfriend who was barely ever available. Who knows maybe when things calm down later on in the year we'll want to try having a relationship.Thanks again to everybody!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): Well I agree with others but if I were your guy friend,this is how I would best understand it(my opinion) Tell him how you feel,be honest with him,at the least maybe don't say that you will NEVER want to be with him,just let him off easy. Give him some time to react to this,like a week. Then casually bring it up again like say over dinner,again don't be too harsh or it may end it for him,and you don't seem like you want to hurt this guy,so that to me in itself says you have some form of feelings for him,cause if you didn't care,obviously you'd just end it without caring about his feelings. Like another person said you just might develop even more feelings for him,in time,you never know,emotions can hide from you and they run deepBut I would stop having sex till you guys can work it out,cause that will make it more complicated on you to speak your minds...my 2 cents hope it helps
...............................
A
female
reader, KittieS  +, writes (21 October 2011):
 You need to end it.
As soon as a FWB develops feelings, it's the responsibility of the one who doesn't want it to develop to end it. Male or female.
I'm sure you don't want to hurt this person, continuing to have sex with him will hurt him. I'm sure he is hoping in time you might develop feelings for him. Men will put up with almost anything for a girl they like, plus he wants to chase, the more you push away chances are the more he wants you. I think you need to be tough, and look after your needs!
Best of luck
K
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (21 October 2011):
 If you continue to sleep with him and he has those feelings for you they will grow and he will continue to think that eventually you may just maybe let him be your boyfriend.
IF you are very very sure that you could never have him as a boyfriend, then yes the kindest thing to do for him would be to end it.
the other option if you think that you might later on when life settles down be open to a relationship with him is let him know that and REMIND him CONSTANTLY that you are not yet ready to make that commitment to him.
This is the problem with FWB someone always falls for someone else... or at minimum one of the parties feels more than the other...
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (21 October 2011):
 He can't handle just the sex with you. He's going to fall deeper.
Do you like the guy? As I see it you can have a different sort of arrangement with him as well. You could tell him that you will date him. That you and him are dating exclusively. Then you take one day at a time and see how things go. You just need to tell him again that you do not have the time to meet him often, but agree to maybe once a week. Now, this once a week think will naturally include sex, but I am sure you end up talking too? How else would he have gotten anything to fall in love with you over.
If you meet once a week you have a date for Saturdays as well. And as long as it doesn't take away more of your time than it already does, then what difference would it make? Keeps you and him happy. I think he just wants to be more official about it so he doesn't feel used, I do not know if he actually needs to spend more time with you for the time being. And you wont be super busy forever.
However if this doesn't sound like an ok deal to you then stop the sex and find a new lover. There are strings attached here now, you can't keep it casual with him any longer.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (21 October 2011):
 Definitely end it. He is only saying he can handle it because he doesnt want to lose you from his life, he would rather keep having sex with you so he can see you and hide his feelings from you, rather than stop the FWB arrangement.
But it is your responsibility now to do the right thing for him (even if he wouldnt admit it) and end the FWB, he is only going to keep on falling for you and the situation will get more complicated as time goes on. If you continue the FWB he will always maintain hope that one day you will fall for him to, and that simply isnt fair when there really isnt any hope.
Do the right thing and end it before it gets more complicated.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
|
