A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:Do women get over their first love that they had sex with for their first time, or even if it wasn't a first love that they had sex with the first time?nEven if it has been several years since it took place? I would like to hear views from the lady's please, it is something i have wondered about from time to time. Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (29 October 2011):
 ok well there are a couple of things here that you cannot change -
you cannot change the fact that your wife was with someone before you met and that she had sex with and had feelings for him.
your wife is not actively doing or saying anything which provokes this feeling of jealousy in you, so her behaviour is fine and does not need to be addressed.
what you do need to and CAN change though is the way you are feeling and reacting to this. you are getting unwanted, intrusive, unhelpful negative thoughts about your wife and her ex. you can use cognitive therapy techniques to combat these thoughts. make positive thinking a habit and over time you feel better about the situation, not worse.
seriously, you need to sort this because it is YOUR problem, probably something quite deep rooted like not feeling loved enough by parents in your young childhood or feeling like you had to compete for affection/attention with siblings or that your parents loved each other more than you. i dont know, have a think. figure out the ROOT of your feelings - look at the past situation again now, through adult eyes.
be happy with your wife. be positive about the relationship - she is with you NOW.
have you even spoken to your wife about this problem? i bet YOU think about that guy way more than she does! don't ruin your marriage because of something that happened in the far off past, that can never be changed, just make peace with it and put it behind you. learn cognitive therapy, i am quite sure it will help you, also communicate with your wife, dont just brood about this alone
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionangel delight ( wife ever given you real cause to think she has real feelings for someone else,or come up with this idea because you know she has been with someone else before you ?)to be honest it plays in my mind alot about her being with the other guy that was first. it really hurts deeply , i am finding the more longer and closer we get the more it hurts.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2011): Previous love? For me I Live In the Now!!! OP enjoy your wife and marriage. I've learnt to enjoy the Now and I just chalk the past to experience.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (23 October 2011):
your marriage sounds lovely and i think you should just enjoy it! some people are never lucky enough to find that special someone who they want to give their heart to and stay with forever. you are SO fortunate! and i agree with the last comment by cindycares.
please do not let this insecurity spoil what sounds like the perfect partnership. i still think you are worrying unnecessarily. i mean, has your wife ever given you real cause to think she still has feeling for someone else or have you just come up with the idea coz you know she has been with someone before you?
x
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (20 October 2011):
 So ? Why couldn't it be the same for your wife ? She might have had other men before you... and you may be the first worth remembering.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionangel delite, as far as me getting over my first love: i dated other women before i met my wife, but the other women never got ahold of my heart strings. so i look at my wife as my first love. she had the key to my heart when i met her , and she still doe's . i can say i have never gotten over her.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (19 October 2011):
you are probably over-thinking this, i can only tell you from a woman's point of view and can tell you that me and my friends never ever chat about our first loves with each other, so therefore, they are not on our minds. obviously i cannot comment on behalf of your wife so you would just need to ask her. if your wife is a similar age to you - then her first love must have been a pretty long time ago? losing virginity does not always equal 'first love' anyway and often men that we have been in love with in the past only give us a 'what the hell was i thinking??' feeling when we think of them now.i think you should stop worrying and over analysing this, just enjoy your marriage and start living in the NOW, by the way - are you over your first love? or was your wife your first love?x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni have been wondered at times , if my wife ever thinks of her first that she had sex with . i wonder if she ever thinks of him, if he ever enters her mind? i dated her before him and at times i feel like he has an advantage over me ( he took her virginity ), i feel like i am competing against his memory (ghost) with her. she has never brought him up except when i was dating her before we married, i will not bring him up to her either.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (19 October 2011):
 Yes, most women get over their first love, indeed I was over my first love a long time ago! My first boyfriend was when I was 15 and I lost my virginity to him - he is now married and I can honestly say I dont have a single feeling left for him. I havent even seen him in years, I probably wouldnt recognise him if I passed him in the street it has been that long!
I can safely say I am over ALL of my ex's, I dont have feelings for any of them anymore, certainly not my first boyfriend! He was so wrong for me I was glad it was over, yes I lost my virginity to him but it was more important that I got out of the relationship which was bad for me and bringing me down. Because he was so wrong for me it was a lot easier to get over him and move on.
If you are meeting women who are still pining after ex's years and years later, this is not normal and these women have problems - the majority of us girls dont have feelings for our ex's and have moved on without any issues.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (19 October 2011):
 Uhm, yes we do get over them. Why do you ask? Don't men ever get over their firsts as well?
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (19 October 2011):
Of course !
Pining after something that was over years and years ago, and belongs to a different stage of your life, is not " romantic ", is just sick.
Life moves forward, not backward.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2011): What first love?.....
I'm amazed when people go on and on and on about their first love. And they continue to pine for them? There is a reason and a season for everything. And relationships end for a reason.
I just don't get this "soulmate" and now this first love aspects of life. I know Dear Cupids I am very strange, I try to not live in the past.
LoveGirl
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2011): My first love took a little over a year to fully 'get over.' After that, it was just natural to be good friends. Not only that, but years later he tried to get back together, and was swiftly rejected. Any love that was lost takes time to recover, but time heals and everyone moves on..
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): Yes.
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (18 October 2011):
i got over mine years ago! this is a very broad question though and i think it depends on who the lady is and who the first love is and the relationship that they had. some will get over, some will not
x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): Sex and Love does not always happen together and at the same time. It honestly depends on the situation and circumstances. First experiences will range from phenomenal(rare) to real life nightmares. Most people don't have lasting relationships with those they had their first sexual encounter with. It's harder to get over your first LOVE than it is first sex. My first time(sex)is absolutely forgettable. Over it, done, gone, self induced vomit, whatever you want to call it. My first LOVE didn't come until years later. He is phenomenal. Now I'm just hoping for it to last. ;)
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 October 2011):
 totally over both my first sexual experience and my first love....
...............................
|
