A
female
age
41-50,
*in
writes:I am 29, 5 months pregnant. My bf left me after I called him COWARD because he was too afraid to show his face to my parents and stand up for our baby. After a day, his sister told me that he's gone back to his wife. I am in so much pain right now, but I have to move on for the baby. Question, what's the best thing to do to make him come back? I know he loved me and i loved him too much too. Please help me.
View related questions:
move on Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2011): Hang in there...he is probably just freaked out at the moment. I can say because I was in the same position - he freaked when his wife got to know, and went back to her.He adamantly told me he was never going to leave her - he put me through hell for a whole year. I kept hanging on - i guess because I believed in our love. Then, he came back. He has told his wife he will get a divorce. He is getting ready to marry me. But you know what? Over that last year, I've come to realise, I do not want to be with someone who could desert us when we needed him the most - I have decided to bring up my son on my own. I have refused his proposal.Think through this carefully, love - is this really the person you want to spend your life with? If he is, give it your best shot. If he won't stand by you, move on - he isn't worth it.
A
female
reader, chocoholicforever  +, writes (19 October 2011):
I'm sorry but he is a coward, so why do you want him back? he is married, yet he got involved with you, got you pregnant, then refused to acknowledge you or or his unborn baby, and then only AFTER you called him out as a coward, then he left you and went crawling back to his wife.
He is a coward, and I pity his wife having such a sad excuse for a husband. Let him go, he's her problem, not yours. You just need to make sure he pays child support or else signs away his parental rights (so he can't come back into your life years from now when you've moved on, after abandoning the child, and now demanding to be involved).
And you should learn from this mistake and not get involved with married men again. A man who's married yet will sleep with someone else and get her pregnant, is not an honorable person and has already proven himself to be an untrustworthy and disloyal relationship/marriage partner. So why would you want such a guy?
...............................
A
male
reader, bmt1380 +, writes (19 October 2011):
Honestly from a mans perspective, no he will not leave her and come back to u. im sorry but thats as honest as it gets. just focus on the baby and what u need to do to take care of it and the pain this tool has caused u will eventually subside. u will come out of this stronger and perhaps a bit smarter.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2011): Text him and tell him you want to talk. Don;t give up that easy .. he may just be a bit freaked out at ther momen and thats; why he;s gone back. Try to see what yo ucan do, then give up if you get no response. let us know what happens
...............................
A
female
reader, tb0721 +, writes (18 October 2011):
 Okay so I agree to some extent with the other comments however I do think you need to give him the opportunity to be in your childs life without immediately dragging courts into it as that can also be a painful process...he may not want to be involved and you should also be prepared for that. Unfortunately the two of you engaging in a relationship while he was still married was a mistake but the baby shouldnt have to suffer because of animosity between you two. Give him the option to be involved in your babys life full time or not at all...meaning dont let him be a part time dad just when it is convenient for him. As for the two of you, yes in rare cases its possible he could come back to you and may have just gotten spooked and left you. However the realistic idea is that he did not love you, sounds like he loved more the idea of you. You know the saying, he was able to have his cake and eat it too...but maybe he merely enjoyed the fact that he was able to have a woman with no real family status together and have the wife also. Now that you present him with the family realm again it doesnt appear thats what he wanted from you. Nonetheless, we can all speculate and come to conclusions all day. Go with the facts...its his baby and he left. Its a tough situation and hope it all works out but you arent the only one out there and if you keep the baby and raise him or her as a single mom there are plenty of support groups with single moms to help you get through it. If you have family lean on them for emotional support because you will probably face many emotional days since you obviously were wanting more out of this relationship, and who can blame you...most women do. Good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, angelDlite  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 so he is married and he played around with you and got you pregnant and now he's walked out on you and gone back to the missus?
not a good man to have as a partner or a dad for your kids. so tell me again - why do you WANT him back??
of course it hurts and of course its scary that you are now looking at a future as a single mum, but this isn't the end of your life, you will get through it. you have to.
you need to start seeing him for what he really is. if he has chosen his wife over you and your baby then there is nothing you can do to make him want you, all you can do is accept it and get stronger for yourself and your child
x
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (18 October 2011):
 He didn't love you. Its not something you want to hear, but unfortunately its the truth. If he did, you would be the one he was with right now, not his wife. He just did what spineless, gutless cheats do best. Have a nice time with the other woman and when the party's over and its time to man up and take responsibility, they go back to their wife.
You cant get him back and don't even try to. Do you really want this horrible, disgusting man to be beside you? What would you and the baby be, in his life? A dirty secret, stashed away at the back of his miserable life? Please don't put your baby through this. Its better to be without a father than have such a shame of a man for a dad. He's not going to leave his wife and if you try to get between them, it'll just end up in an ugly, messy fight. He'll go back to his wife at the end of it and you'll be left with nothing, not even your self respect. Take it as a lesson. You should NEVER have allowed yourself to get pregnant by a married man. But what's done is done now. Please move on.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (18 October 2011):
 " what's the best thing to do to make him come back? I know he loved me and i loved him too much too. Please help me."
There is NOTHING you can do to make him come back. He's MARRIED. He went back to his wife. He's NOT going to leave her for you because if he was he would have done that already.
Best advice... plan to be a single mom or give the baby up for adoption if you don't think you can handle it... IF you keep the baby, get a paternity test and a court order for child support so he helps with his child.
And know that there are good kind SINGLE men out there that will love you AND your baby.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (18 October 2011):
 No, unluckily you do not, and did not " know " he loved you , you just thought / hoped /assumed it. There only would have been one way to know it for sure, and that would have been if he had legally terminated his marriage to be with you. If had put his money where his mouth was, so to speak.
But he did not. So, unluckily, you took a bad risk on the grounds of wishful thinking.
I think the sooner you come to term with this , the better you'll deal with your situation and the sooner you'll be able to move on and make a good life for yourself and your baby.
You only need that he complies with his financial responsibilities, so make sure he pays child support, sic the law on him if you have to. For the rest, neither you nor the baby need such a devious spineless wimp in your lives.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (18 October 2011):
 I'm sorry you are in this situation and I dont mean to be nasty here but it needs to be said - you got involved with a married man, you knew he belonged to another woman therefore you should have expected this. You cant make a man come back when you never had him in the first place, regardless of him saying he loves you, he is married and probably was just using you.
In fact, now he has gone back to his wife now you are pregnant indicates that he was just using you for sex, and now you are pregnant and there was a bad consequence to his actions he has ran away back to the wife to avoid his responsibilities.
He has done an awful thing, cheating on his wife, getting you pregnant and then running away - he is an awful man. But you have a part to play - why on earth get pregnant when you knew he had a wife? Surely you must have known that you would end up a single mum, alone with a baby because he is married and could never be with you?
He is an awful example of a human being, and you have made a very silly mistake getting involved with a married man, and now you are paying the price.
For the baby's sake all you can do now is move on, he is never coming back and can never be with you because he is married. Start making arrangments and preparing yourself for life as a single mum because that is what you chose when you got pregnant by a married man, you have to accept the consequences of your actions. Dont waste your energy trying to get him back, that will never happen, so put all your energy into preparing for the baby and looking after your health, after all the stress that this will be causing is bad for you and the baby so you need to take a step back and relax, forget about this man and move on. He chose his wife over you, so now you have to chose the baby over him and stop putting uneccessary stress on yourself, accept it is over and let him go, he is another woman's husband and he will never be yours.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
|
