A
female
age
30-35,
*ivvey01
writes:I have posted a question on here before and received good advice, therefore I wanted to ask for opinions on something that has been puzzling me for some time. I am 18 and my boyfriend is 20, despite my young age, I am desperate for a child. My boyfriend earns a good wage and I am currently unemployed. That said, I am aware of how difficult it is to have a child (at any age) and for me not to be bringing in an income makes me wonder why I want to have a baby so much? I realise I should be working and ideally be married before even considering children but I feel as though I won't be happy until I am pregnant. My boyfriend and I have spoken about children and he has no intention of having children until we are older and have things in place (house, careers, ect) I agree with him but can't help but want a baby now.Does anyone feel the same or have any reasons as to why I am feeling like this? Any advice will be appreciated.
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female
reader, Alba5 +, writes (27 October 2011):
I agree that you are trying to fill an empty spot in your life. You are only 18 and there is so much out there in life to love and enjoy and experience before you take on the challenge of motherhood. Your partner has expressed he isn't ready for a child and you should listen to his requests or heaven forbid lose him because of your selfish decision. Are you really ready to give a child everything it needs, love compassion, a safe and comfortable environment and most importantly wise decisions in life? Wait you are still young and then have a child when you have experienced life much better yourself!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 October 2011): i know the feeling, ive been with my boyfriend for 2years and we are currently expecting are first child im also 18years old, its your own personal choice with what you would like to do with your life and i dont think anyone should or does have the right to judge you
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2011): I told you why you feel this way. You have some empty spot that for whatever reason you think will be filled by having a baby. I don't know your life but I can make some guesses.
Maybe you are one of those nurturing types but you don't feel like anyone lets you nurture them the way you want.
Maybe your own friends or family don't show you enough love, and you know a baby will cling to you and love you unconditionally then eventually grow into someone you can talk to.
Maybe you just feel really lonely.
For whatever reason you think having a baby will fulfill you somehow. I don't know what that reason is. But there is an empty space and you think a baby will fill it.
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female
reader, pinktopaz  +, writes (16 October 2011):
OP, there's a lot of aunts on here that tried to help you as to why you're feeling this way.
This is also an ADVICE website, not a "psychologically evaluate me by untrained psychologists" website.
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female
reader, Livvey01 +, writes (15 October 2011):
Livvey01 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionCan I just point out to the people calling me selfish I'm not planning on having a baby - my question was why do I feel like this? I wasn't asking for a lecture as I am aware of why I should not have a child yet.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): you are selfish and look around you. there are loads of young girls who made the same mistake already and its a major reason why the welfare system is on its knees. what makes you think you have the right to just go off and have a kid, at the taxpayers expense??? thats the culture nowadays, all about me me me. get up do something with your life and grow up. you are not entitled to basically live free while other people including mums and dads, are killing themselves balancing a career with home life.
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female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Here is my advice as to a way to soothe this urge. I go through waves of feeling like this too. More so when I was 18-20. How did I battle it? I bought a plastic bin at Walmart and everytime I started to feel the maternal urge, I'd go out shopping. I'd buy baby stuff. Because let's be honest - what is the greatest thing about babies? Baby stuff. Those cute little onsies? Those tiny shoes? I mean, come on - that stuff is freakin' adorable. And my bin has been gradually growing over time. And it's not as if I'll never use the stuff - it'll all be there for when the baby finally comes along. Also, start a journal for your future baby. Write it little notes, talking about being a teenager in 2011, baby names that you like, tips for surviving teenage-hood, dating - you know, wisdom that you can provide more clearly now when you're young. That is the first thing I did. The second thing I did was, at 21 I got a puppy. The cutest freakin' puppy in the universe. She was tiny, kinda fuzzy, I got to name her and love her. She peed, pooped, slept and played, pretty much exactly like a baby. She needed rules, boundaries, limitations, just like a baby! She needed socializing, toilet training - just like a baby. And trust me, the puppy exhausted me, especially for the first two years. Now she's three and has kept me baby-free while I finished getting my two BAs, got married and started a savings account for my future family. Just ideas!! Good luck, sweet.
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female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (14 October 2011):
 Its quite simple, there are 2 reasons:
1. Boredom. You are unemployed, presumably not at school or uni? So your days will be spent with not a lot to do, and you see your boyfriend out at work earning a decent wage (if he's only 20 there is no way it will be enough to cover him, a baby and you though - for that he would need to be on at least £30k or more, even then it would be a struggle) so you think "well I'm already at home all day, I could be a stay at home mum!". The boredom will lead you to want something to do, and obviously babies take up a lot of time so in your head you will have put two and two together - nothing to do + baby = something to keep you occupied.
2. Hormones. All girls/women go through this phase at some point in time, as soon as you start your periods your body thinks it is ready for a baby so it starts releasing hormones to encourage you to have a baby, making you feel broody. Hence why you see so many teenagers on this site, some as young as 13, wanting babies. Hormones run riot in your teenage years, and I know your 18 but you are still in your teens and your hormones will still be up and down, so this will explain part of the reason why you want a baby so much right now.
Try not to worry about it too much - you know it is not the right time and your boyfriend isnt ready either, so there is nowhere for you to go with this. Just keep reminding yourself it is boredom and hormones, and maybe look for something else to distract you - step up your job search, maybe even get a temporary part time job just for a while until you find something permanent that you want to do long term. Keep busy and try not to think about babies too much and in time your feelings will die down.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): So you're 18yo and you really want a baby. So what?
I wanted all sorts of stuff when I was 18 that I was too young to handle responsibly and pay for. That's life.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 October 2011):
 I don't know why you feel like this, but having a child when you don't have a job is a bad idea. Very bad. Let your hormones or whatever do their job, and let your brains do their job as well.
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female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (14 October 2011):
Your boyfriend is the bread winner and you are unemployed. You say you two have discussed children and he stated he wasn't ready. That should have been the end of it. It would be very selfish to trap him when he has already expressed his desire NOT to have children. You would be trapping him because you first don't work so you'll be taking his pay to care for a child he didn't want. He would definitely leave you because he would feel u used n pressured him. I myself would be pissed with u. 1. Not working2. Wants child that partner doesn't want3. Expects partner to take money from his pay n the things he want to care for u and the child you wantIf I were u I would drop the baby issue before your boyfriend gets nervous and dumps u. Guys hate when girls pressure them and you are pressuring him. Pressure leads to stress and when stress is around the person feeling it will look for a way out, which may mean breaking up with u for a girl who isn't with the pressuring. So relax dear, in due time you'll have a family. It's just now you're not capable of caring for a child alone and its selfish to expect ur boyfriend to spend his weekly check on a baby. How would u feel if u worked and ur boyfriend didn't but he wanted a new car and actually goes out and buys one hoping you'll chip in and pay his monthly car note and insurance even after you told him you two aren't ready for a new car. You'd be pissed and stressed.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 October 2011): you are way to young.no one is ever ready to have a baby at the age of 18.i'm 22 and i'm just barely ready to start considering having a child.how do you think you can provide for a child on only one income?what happens if the father were to leave you?you would have no way to provide for the child.its selfish to even consider bringing a baby into the world when you aren't ready and are only having one income. children are a huge responsibility, but are also a miracle and if you aren't ready you will think of the child as being a burden to you and that is never okay.
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): The issue is not the "working or not" because, in truth, it will depend on the total income of a family, and what is more financially reasonable (two working parents paying for daycare, or one working parent while the other is home.) That financial issue is not the real question.
The real issue here is that your boyfriend has said he's not ready. You are very young and there is so much to experience that babies take away.
These two issues are huge. If he's not ready and you become pregnant, he can become resentful. He could feel like you're trying to "trap" him. It feels horrible to be accused of that, by the way.
Also, saying "I won't be happy until I have a baby" means you have some sort of vacant spot in you. It is easy to find things to fill up vacant spots. Some people do it with money, gadgets, excess in alcohol or drugs, pets... and babies. That means you have something within you that need fulfillment, but it isn't a baby. Best to work on you and find why you feel this way than to bring a child into the world.
Remember, babies are only babies for about a year. Then they become kids. Very quickly you notice, you didn't have a warm squishy baby, you had a whole person, an entirely sperate being that changes very rapidly. That person is going to rely on you like crazy, and then suddenly push you away. One minute they are a baby in your arms, the next minute they are a teenager rolling their eyes at you.
Just grow to be the best you that you can be and know that someday you will be a mom. Not today. But someday. And then you'll be the best mom youc an be. :)
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female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (13 October 2011):
 You're unemployed, but want a baby. Why not try to get a job working in a day care center with very young children? That way you would be around them but not taking on the responsibility of having one of your own.
Look: you have years ahead of you to get married and have children. If your boyfriend wants to wait until you both are a bit older, and more settled, that's very sensible.
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female
reader, pinktopaz +, writes (13 October 2011):
I think that you're a woman and you want a baby--just how it is. I want one too, but I'm in no position to have one, so I don't.
Just know when the time is right for you and your boyfriend (or whoever it may be) you'll both want to bring a child into this world together.
We want a lot of things, but doesn't necessarily mean that we should have them. Just remember that once you have a child, your life revolves around them. So follow your dreams first before your life has to be completely devoted to one person.
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female
reader, shrodingerscat +, writes (13 October 2011):
 YOU won't be happy until you have a baby?You said nothing about the fact that if you had a baby now, you'd be bringing a child into this world for completely selfish reasons and into a situation that is not ideal for that child's life.In order to make it, you'd most likely have to get on government support like food stamps, WIC, welfare, something along those lines. Do you really want that? To be a teen mom on welfare? Because right now, that's where you're headed. You need a serious reality check.I have TWO children. My husband and I waited until we had both graduated college, bought a house and paid off our car completely before getting pregnant, and even then we're struggling to make ends meet. You have NO IDEA how expensive babies are.Not to mention the fact that you haven't even had the chance to go out and enjoy adulthood, yet, and you're planning on putting that completely on hold for the next 6-7 years. When you have a child, you can't wake up whenever you want, leisurely put on some makeup and dress up nice and leave the house whenever you want. I am a stay at home mom, and my life TOTALLY revolves around my children. I sleep when they sleep (so that means if they don't sleep, -I- don't sleep), I eat when they eat, I don't leave the house without taking an extra hour to get the kids' together. That means being late for EVERYTHING and NEVER having time for myself.I am constantly exhausted and haven't had a full night's sleep in over two years. I'm lucky if I get to sleep for 5 hours straight, and I MIGHT catch a nap if both of the kids magically end up napping at the same time. I haven't bought myself new clothes or shoes or anything that wasn't 100% necessary like shampoo and deodorant in TWO YEARS. 100% of my money and time goes to my children, because they grow so quickly I'm constantly buying clothes, shoes, diapers and the countless other 101 things they need.You do NOT want this to happen to you at your age. If you bring a child into this world when you haven't even gotten your life straightened out first, you wouldn't be a very good mom. And that's what you want, right? To be a good mom?Be responsible. Take the FIRST step in being a good mom and WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE READY...really ready, financially secure, older and more mature, steady and stable in your relationship, MARRIED, with a -house- of your own. Wait until you finish college. PLEEEEAAASE, for the sake of your child, wait. Don't bring your child into a world that they can't have everything they need because mom and dad don't have enough money.
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female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (13 October 2011):
 got one word for you...
hormones!
it is very natural that you have this yearning to have a baby. it is what nature intended. but i don't think you should do this just yet. it would be better if you could get a bit more of a career and money behind you. you will then be in a better position to raise a child, in a financially more comfortable way, rather than setting yourself up for a struggle. i know in recent times in Britain the single mums have been getting well looked after by the benefit system, but things are gonna change. we see cuts that have been made already when the government changed hands.
i know how you feel. when i was a teenager i felt the same, the hormones are raging at this time. luckily, i didn't fall pregnant when i wanted to, coz looking back i see it was a really bad idea!
just try and concentrate on getting your life sorted, get some further education, find a job that you love. enjoy your youth! keep your freedom as long as you can, coz you will miss it like mad when its over. you have got years ahead of you to have kids, just wait, sit these feelings out and you will be glad you did. your motherhood will be something wonderful, not just another young single mum statistic
x
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2011): It`s your biological clock. It is that innate desire that women have to give birth and care for a child. Even women who never intend to have children often struggle with these natural urges. It is written into our behavior.
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