A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi there! I need a little bit of help! Im a 21 yr old female at uni. I live with my boyfriend who I met at uni 2 years ago and we have lived together from practically the first time we met! I'm very attached to him and I know I love him lots, anyway we go and see my mum regularly who lives a few hours away so it's always mire sensible to stay over night which we do! Whenever we go and see my mum we go together mainly because I hate being without my boyfriend. I want to Be able to go and see my mum without my boyfriend and he often can't make it so I end up rearranging with my mum so he can come too! Anyway I would love to be able to go and see my mum alone but I know I will miss my bf.... I also have this underlying fear that if I go and see her for a few days I'm not going to want to come back to my bf (because me and my mum are close and i love the comfort of being at home) and I'll realise I can cope by myself I'm worried it will end our relationship... I do love him but I know how I feel when I see my mum I hate going back to London I don't know if it's because I'm unhappy or what?? I hope you can spread some light on this... Thanks Reply to this Question
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 October 2011):
 Sometimes a bit of a break from each other is a good thing.
missing your BF is a good thing... and let him miss you too.
I am sure going home for a few days without the boyfriend will be fine.. and getting home.. oy the reunion will be great fun... and I doubt you won't want to come back.
I say try it for a day or two and see how it goes...
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (19 October 2011):
 Well first things first - if you are dependent on another person in a relationship then that is a very bad thing, you should be able to cope on your own at any given time, if you cant there are problems in the relationship and you are too needy as a person.
What happens when you get jobs after uni and have to work late? Or go on a work trip? You cant have your boyfriend sat at your desk with you all day!
Get used to spending time apart, time apart from each other is a very healthy thing in a relationship and you should be able to do your own thing then come back to each other and everything would be fine.
I think the reason why you feel like this when you go back home and see your mum is probably a mix of a few things - you sound a bit homesick, you clearly love your family and like being at home and you miss home life. Maybe you are also unhappy at uni? Do you like your degree? Have you made friends easily? Are you struggling with your grades? That could be a part of it too.
I'm sure if you went back on your own and stayed for a few days you would be fine - yes it wouldnt be a great feeling being without your boyfriend, and it wouldnt be a great feeling to leave your mum - but those feelings are normal. Even now for me aged 24, I have lived away from home since I was 18 but I still get a bit upset leaving after a weekend with my family, I miss them and wish I lived closer. But that is totally normal and nothing to worry about!
Be brave and just get on with it - I think once you have done it the first time on your own you will realise you were worrying about nothing. You are allowed to get upset when you leave your mum, and when you get back to your boyfriend nothing will have changed. If your relationship is good and you love each other that isnt going to change overnight.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
male
reader, unknown2u +, writes (19 October 2011):
You do sound conflicted. If you're worried that the comfort of hearth and home will keep you from going back to school and your b/f then you can't be as attached to him as you say. You might want to ponder that.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2011): Life is so much easier when you trust yourself. You know you'll make good choices. And if it helps, write yourself a letter telling yourself exactly what to do. As for missing your boyfriend, its a part of life. And you want to be independent, right? Its healthy for a relationship to be apart for a bit. Absense makes the heart grow stronger.
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