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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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I'm 14 - how do I stop this 'relationship' I'm in?
Q. Okay, im fourteen years old, and me and this boy sam have been mucking around together for the last month. its a secret fling which i loveed, and we would do sexual things to each other. it seemed perfect, none of us got hurt, i liked this other...
A. 12 December 2006: Confusing isn't it? Well people a lot older than you get into this sort of love triangle mess all the time. Fortunately you are learning a lesson here at a really early age so you won't let yourself be used by a boy/man again (hopefully). It saddens ... (read in full...)
I'm in an abusive relationship, but I want out. I'm afraid nobody would want me b/c I have three kids!
Q. help. ive been with a bloke for nearly 5 years and we have 3 very young children together (17 months and twin 7 months). our relationship started out great but over the past 12 months ive slowly grown out of love with him for many reasons. he has ...
A. 12 December 2006: Don't start dating other guys while you are in this abusive relationship - you need time to get over this, focus on your children and restart your life somewhere else. If you don't work on the attitude 'no one will want me...' then you risk entering ... (read in full...)
If a guy is crazy in love with you and you just want to be friends... Would that work?
Q. Can you be friends with a guy who's crazy in love with you or just tell you cant be anything to him ...
A. 23 November 2006: When I was single a few years ago I had a male friend and we were good pals. Then he told me how he felt and I didn't feel the same way - he would start getting drunk and bitterly recount how I dated other guys but not him! It all got a bit ... (read in full...)
He got in trouble with the police before-if we date and have sex..could it happen again?
Q. I'm 14 and i live in California I am dating a 18 year old. Well my parents met him and they really like him! But they think he's 17..... I thought so too he barely told me the truth about him being 18, 3 days ago and we've been together for over ...
A. 23 November 2006: Hmmmm aren't people supposed to learn by their mistakes? He clearly isn't and that should be a big warning sign for you. There are a couple of issues here:
1. You are 14 and dating a liar...he lied about his age because of his previous trouble ... (read in full...)
Is there a place where I can get free counselling...I live in London (UK).
Q. I have posted a lot times on the site about my relationship insecurities and had so much help. Everyone has suggested I seek counselling to help me properly - but have no idea how to go about this!! The big problem is that I cant afford to pay ...
A. 22 November 2006: You can get counselling free on the NHS - ask for a referral from your GP. Alternatively there are very many voluntary sector organisations working in the London area that offer free services. Make sure you see a qualified counsellor or therapist. ... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and my best friend is 23 year old lesbian. My Mom doesn't like it..so what can I do?
Q. I am lboys friend and using his account to get my question answered Well it starts like this.... i am a girl who is 15 and my best mate is a 23 year old lesbian. it is a normal friendship like it would be between sum 1 of my own age. i stay over...
A. 22 November 2006: 1. Spend time with your mother and make her feel included in your life.
2. You are coming to an age of increasing independence and having your own life. I suspect most parents have anxieties about their children growing up...my mother still trie... (read in full...)
I think I have clinical depression...If I go to the doctor does my Mom need to know?
Q. I think I have clinical depression or something so I want to do something about it, and I was just wondering if I were to go to my doctor about it could she actually do something about it? Would they give me drugs, as I'm 16. Does my mum need to ...
A. 22 November 2006: You can go to your doctor on your own, and your medical records are confidential so anything disclosed would be between you and your doctor. A family doctor can refer you to child/ adolescent mental health services. Antidepressants are prescribed ... (read in full...)
There's an age gap. Is it going to matter? I really like him...
Q. I met this guy a couple months ago and he's 24. I'm only 18 but I really like him. He wants to hang out again. I've only met him once..I'm scared..and don't know what to do. ...
A. 22 November 2006: The age isn't a problem but how you feel about the age gap maybe a problem. You have to work out if you are worried about the 6 years between you or just worried about dating this guy for another reason (...so the age becomes a convenient excuse). I ... (read in full...)
Having some 2nd thoughts about my age gap relationship-- Any help would be appreciated!
Q. Im 44yrs young and im engaged to a wonderfull man who is 22 we love each other very much. we have been together for 9 mnths. other people have been nasty about the age gap. my best friend died in july and im letting these people affect my way of ...
A. 21 November 2006: I am in an age-gap relationship of 11 years. My husband is younger and I have had a few nasty comments about being his 'mother' from, what are, sad people. I think as long as you are happy with your relationship then other people should not affect ... (read in full...)
He told me "he's in love with me" but "he loves her"? I don't want to get hurt so what should I do?
Q. I've been dating this guy for 2 1/12 years he 52 years old im 35 years old. but my question is that he live with someone else, we work together for 6 years he told her about me, they been together for over 10 years. we travel together he spend times ...
A. 21 November 2006: The other woman is not the problem here - it is definitely the man you are seeing and at 35 I would have thought you would have figured all that out on your own. I personally wouldn't settle for a man who tells me he loves me + another lady. You ... (read in full...)
I'm 18..he's 43--How do I tell him "You're too old for me I'm not attracted to you, sorry!" He's really persistant!
Q. I wrote a question a while ago this is a sort of follow up but different... I met his guy at the club (2 months ago), he wasn't my type I'm not attracted to him but I gave him my number to be polite. Big mistake. I let him come round my house. We ...
A. 21 November 2006: You are being too nice and that could get you into all sorts of trouble. I have been guilty of being too nice to guys I haven't fancied in the past and it caused all sorts of problems. When guys pester you in clubs just say you are married or have a ... (read in full...)
He wants more from but I'm scared and vulnerable! Is it too soon for me?
Q. Ok, here goes....I recently got dumped by the man I felt was the love of my life,but since he broke it off (after 2 yrs) I've seen a different side of him and accepted it wasn't menat to be even though I still care greatly for him. I met another ...
A. 21 November 2006: I don't think the age gap is a problem here but if he is really into you, and you think there is a potential to feel the same way in the future then explain to him that you want to take it slowly - if he is not willing to accept that then he isnt ... (read in full...)
Should I surprise my ex with concert tickets?
Q. Would it be too much to surprise my ex with concert tickets for Christmas? We broke up a while back and she was dating someone else for a while. They broke up, but I have reason to believe that she still has a lot of feelings for him. However, I ...
A. 21 November 2006: If you just wanted some company to see a band you both like then it would be ok, but the problem is that you have an ulterior motive in going with her...you may not think so right now...but you want her back don't you? Go to the concert with someone ... (read in full...)
His parents are ruining everything!
Q. Me and my guy have been togther for 6 yrs. he works offshore and makes good money. I see him 2 weeks out of a month. His mom takes care of all his bill and mank account. We are engaged to get married. I hav no say so on his money and Im not allowed ...
A. 21 November 2006: He sounds like a bit of a 'mothers boy' but at least you know what you are getting in advance. In all fairness, my husband doesn't have access to all my financial accounts and when we did have a shared credit card it caused a lot of arguments ... (read in full...)
I'm fourteen... and pregnant! What do I do?
Q. I'm 14 years old and ya I now I'm young but I lost my virginity and I'm pregnant!!I don't know watt to do. I just found out this weekend and I'm to afraid to tell my parents ''PLEAZ I NEED ADVICE. I'M SO AFRAID!!''...
A. 21 November 2006: I used to work in a teen pregnancy unit. I suggest the following:
1. Go to your family doctor to have the pregnancy confirmed. Get a referral to a specialist midwifery service for teenagers. Home testing kits have been known to be wrong occasion... (read in full...)
Torn between two girls... My 10-year lover (no sex life) and my new beauty (who I've gotten pregnant)...
Q. I been living with someone for 10 years. the short version is that our sex life was non-existent. I complain to her to no avail. I met a young beautiful woman and was smitten right away, one thing let to another and she is now pregnant(I feel I was ...
A. 21 November 2006: You may not be torn between two girls after you tell one of them you have been cheating on them...your live-in partner may walk away. There is nothing you can really do to rescue the situation except to be honest with both of them. The new girl may ... (read in full...)
I'm 41, he is 57 - is the age gap too much?
Q. Looking for a man's answer as well. I am 41 years old and my boyfriend is 57 - this age difference has never been a problem for me, but it rears it's ugly head from time to time, like now, and it causes him to have concerns...
A. 21 November 2006: If you don't have a problem with it then you should just reassure him as he maybe just feeling 'not worthy'. I am in an age-gap relationship (with me being 11 years older) and I occasionally raise the subject of getting old with my husband. He says ... (read in full...)
My wife is HIV positive. Should I continue a relationship with her?
Q. I meet my wife after six months we got married within another six month later, she got pregenat, and within two weeks she was diagonised for (hiv)positive. I was confused and afraid, i went for my own hiv test but as God will have his way, i was ...
A. 21 November 2006: I don't think her diagnosis should be the grounds for leaving the relationship - it must be a devastating time for her with coping as a new mother and a health concern all at once. She needs your support and you both require education about ... (read in full...)
Suffering from depression...any advice and help out there?
Q. I suffer terribly from depression. I don't want to go on medication. Today is a very bad day, everything is so black. I just can't get my head together today. I wish i knew the answers. Is there anyone out there who can give me some advice. I need a ...
A. 21 November 2006: I work in the field of mental health and I appreciate that anti-depressants are not for everyone. However, there is a special form of counselling called cognitive behavioural therapy which is clinically proven to be effective in the treatment of ... (read in full...)
Can you still have your period and be pregnant at the same time?
Q. i am on my period as normal, however my friend told me that i could still be pregnant if on my period, is this true? i also only last 5 days however im on my 10th day now....
A. 20 November 2006: There is a very rare condition that means it is possible, but usually a period signals the loss of the lining (of the contents) of the womb so it is rather unlikely. Sometimes periods are longer, sometimes shorter - 10 days of bleeding is unusual. ... (read in full...)
I need tips on how to please a guy!
Q. Guys, which do you prefer: head or hand job? and any tips? x...
A. 20 November 2006: Ahhh nice to know romance is still alive and well....ok seriously, there is only one way to find out what your guy likes and that is to ask him because everyone is different! Although in my experience, anything involving women taking an interest in ... (read in full...)
I'm too tired to have sex. Now he is threatening to go get it elsewhere!
Q. i have been with my partner for 5 years and i am 22 years old and he is 37 years old and we have 3 children 2 of them his and 1 not but that was before we met well the problem is that we dont have sex its not his fault he wants to have it but im so ...
A. 20 November 2006: I think there are two problems here:
1. You are too tired all the time: kids can be exhausting but maybe you are feeling depressed or not into the relationship anymore. Try to work out why you are tired and work on that for your own benefit,... (read in full...)
He screws with my head but I can't live without him! What can I do to get away from this guy?
Q. I'm angry because I can't live with this guy but can't live without, he means the world to me but all he ever seems to do is screw with my head and make me sad. We were together but broke up a few months ago, then became sex buddies but that ended ...
A. 20 November 2006: You are in charge of you - you are creating a dependency on this guy. You can take control of your computer so you don't have online chats with him. Sure you will bump into him from time to time around the town but not to a great extent unless you ... (read in full...)
He want's me and then he doesn't! Am I being taken for a ride here?
Q. i was with my ex for two years he moved away for a year of this and we gradually drifted apart i recently got back in touch with him and met up and it was back to the way it was. But sometimes he tells me he stil loves me and wants me forever the ...
A. 20 November 2006: It all sounds complicated - maybe his life is too busy for the sort of relationship you aspire to right now. I don't think it matters if us agony aunts think you are being taken for a ride...the big question is 'do you think you are being taken for ... (read in full...)
My step-dad is moving his new gf into my deceased Mum's house!
Q. hi all. hopefully someone can help me. my mum died 2 years ago. i really miss her. i recently found out by accident that my mums husband ( my stepfather )has been seeing someone else. He said when I seen them that they have only been seeing each ...
A. 20 November 2006: I can very much understand that you feel upset about this right now. I don't think you can stop your step-father having a new relationship as he may feel it is the right time for him. You have to remember that different people respond to bereavement ... (read in full...)
Guy I like isn't ready to begin a relationship with me! What can I do?
Q. there is a guy i really like and he likes me too but he is not ready to start a relationship. something happened between us but thats it. even if he likes me he think he is young to have something. please help me thanks ...
A. 20 November 2006: You cannot control how another person thinks or feels unfortunately. If you really think there is a possibility of a relationship then stick around as he may change his mind when he is older and has 'played the field' a little. He may miss what he ... (read in full...)
My wife of 22 years is having an affair with a married man... What to do?
Q. I have a wife of 22 years who i felt was my selected partner forever. We have children in high school and college. About five years ago i took this new job that require i spend a lot of time traveling. She has been working as a manager locally and ...
A. 20 November 2006: I think this is a private matter for you and your wife at this stage. Trust is obviously broken here. You have two choices:
1. Go to counselling, work through your issues and try to rescue your marriage. This requires commitment from her and it m... (read in full...)
Am i easy?
Q. am i a slag for giving a guy a blowjob and swallowing even if i only met this guy 4 times? and is cum good 4 u? thanks xx...
A. 20 November 2006: I suspect you are quite young by what you post...'slag' is the rubbish found on coal tips and a word used by not-so intelligent men to belittle sexually liberated women...do you think you are rubbish? I don't think anyone can rightly tell you what ... (read in full...)
How likely is it to pass on HSV 1 during oral sex?
Q. Quick question: how likely is it to pass on HSV 1 during oral sex? Coldsores aren't sexually transmitted and i know they're generally located and stay above the waist, but could one contract it during oral? thanks so much!...
A. 20 November 2006: Cold sores that you get on your face can be transmitted to your other bits and pieces...and genitals seem to be a vulnerable spot. Transmission is most likely when you have skin-break out and it is in that weepy state. But when your skin is broken ... (read in full...)
Domestic abuse is something I endured and it needs to be addressed!
Q. I am so sorry to post this but I think this matter needs to be addressed. A couple of night ago I suffered domestic abuse at the hands of my partner and not for the first time either.This time i was told by the police to go to my gp and document...
A. 20 November 2006: The woman who posted needs to contact women's aid or a similar community organisation. Both parties require specialist counselling, and I think any alcohol issues require help from a doctor. I am aware that domestic violence is not always about men ... (read in full...)
Will he ever get over my past?
Q. Hi. I'm a girl in my late 20's , I met my bf about 2 yrs ago and everything seems to head in the right direction. He is 5 younger than me, but I've been ok with that from the start. My problem is the fact that I cannot help but feel guilty towards ...
A. 20 November 2006: There are two things here:
(a) have YOU gotten over your past? Whatever it happens to be that you are ashamed about - you should learn to deal with it in your own way. You will only be able to cope with other people's reactions to it when you have... (read in full...)
I'm 15 and I've fallen in love with my cousin's husband! I don't know what to do...please help!
Q. I'm 15 years old and i've fallen in love with my cousins 25 year old husband. and he loves me too. i know it is crazy, but i can't help who i love. i've known him my entire life, and we've always been really good friends. he started his divorce in ...
A. 20 November 2006: I realise that you will be thinking this man is everything at the moment, but you really have to think calmly and rationally about this. From the sounds of things, the marital breakup is not amicable so it must be potentially embarrassing for your ... (read in full...)
When are we too old to attract a romantic partner?
Q. When are we too old to attract a romantic partner?...
A. 18 November 2006: I rather think romance gets better with age...don't you agree? Men of a certain age know how to romance a lady!... (read in full...)
Could I have an eating disorder?
Q. Do I have some kind of eating disorder? I'm 16 years old and I've gone down 2 dress sizes in a year. My attitude to food changed when I broke up with my boyfriend in January. I just didn't like eating and would sometimes just forget to, whereas I ...
A. 18 November 2006: Anorexia nervosa and bulmia nervosa are very complex disorders and it would be irresponsible to give a diagnosis online. However, you should know that many people who go onto to develop full-blown eating disorders report earlier dieting (...that ... (read in full...)
He was lazy and didn't contribute to helping me...we broke up! Did I do the right thhing?
Q. My boyfriend of 2 1/2 years is 4 years younger than I am. We were supposed to get married two months ago, but ended up calling it off for a number of reasons--his parents were getting divorced (strangely enough they got right back together once we ...
A. 18 November 2006: I personally think you made the right decision. Marriage is HUGE commitment and if you feel resentful now, how is it going to be a few years down the line? I know you say he was gorgeous, fab and all that but he was lazy and inconsiderate too. I ... (read in full...)
I'm not ugly, I'm not fat, I have a good personality. Why is no one interested in me?.
Q. Recently, I've noticed that I cannot get a boyfriend at all. My friends always have guys trying to be in relationships with them, and this makes me jealous. Everyone tells me to wait, I'll find someone soon but in my opinion, I don't think I wi...
A. 18 November 2006: No one is coming along for you because you are thinking about it too much; I agree with an earlier post in that you shouldn't want what your friends have as it really isnt the basis for a happy relationship. When you are looking for someone you ... (read in full...)
He told me I was smelling and dirty..this has destroyed my self-esteem! What should I do?
Q. my bf and I have been together 3 years, he is 26 i am 21, we where having sex the other night and he said that i was smelly and slimy and that i needed to take a shower, once we finished he said that i was smelly again and that i was dirty and that ...
A. 17 November 2006: You are worried he may leave...personally I would be chucking him out of bed and out of the door. Sex smells - men smell as much as women...it is just a fact of life and most people are aroused by those smells to a degree. If he doesn't like your ... (read in full...)
My mother rules my life and I need to be strong! What can I do?
Q. i´have very heavy bad trauma in my life, starts from my own family, relation and now it is starting with my own daughter.its been a long story but to make it short evrything happen i can say i can only blame my own parents specialy my mother who ...
A. 17 November 2006: I think you would benefit from specialist counselling - family therapy can be effective at dealing with some of the issues you describe so why not ask your doctor for help? They are not just there for medical issues, they can help with psychological ... (read in full...)
Being with him would make life bearable, but he doesn't want me! Any advice?
Q. Feel as though my whole life is slipping through my fingers. I'm 16, and 4 months ago I was perfectly happy. I had an amazing boyfriend who I loved to death and loved me too, I had a great social life, making new friends every day and keeping good ...
A. 17 November 2006: My hearts goes right out to you for one reason - you sound just like I was at 16! Everything is in black and white at that age...trust me, things will get better with age. I rather suspect you have clinical depression although you would need to get ... (read in full...)
We have had sex and we flirt constantly! Even though, he says he doesn't want me..what is going on?
Q. Me and my ex have been talking over the internet every day for about 3 days. We flrt a lot, and we obviously both still like eachother, but we are both confused as to what we want. We broke up 2 months ago but it didn't really end, as we were like ...
A. 17 November 2006: You need to leave this guy alone for all sorts of reasons. Firstly, he had a girlfriend and was sleeping with you - it is surely not a good sign about his integrity is it? Secondly, he tells you he is not up for a renewed relationship with you but ... (read in full...)
He has money problems! Should I marry him?
Q. me and my partner have been together for 1 year and 2 months and it was love at first sight, but he always has thing about lieing to me or like he says he doesnt want to hurt me so he keeps it from me, it always has to do with money problems and he ...
A. 17 November 2006: You are having pre-marital jitters which is normal. However, I think you have every right to worry about this guy. You haven't know him that long and his track record is not great. It is a sad fact that you will inherit the responsibility of his ... (read in full...)
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