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female
,
anonymous
writes: I'm angry because I can't live with this guy but can't live without, he means the world to me but all he ever seems to do is screw with my head and make me sad. We were together but broke up a few months ago, then became sex buddies but that ended about a month ago. I managed to get him out of my head for a few weeks but then really started missing him, then he started MAJORLY flirting with me online (definite flirting, there is no chance i misread the signals) and that went on every day for a week or so, up until yesterday. On Saturday he said we should definitely meet up some time soon, and i was happy because I thought maybe we could try again as a couple and I could discuss it when we're face to face. yesterday, he continued to flirt until he suddenly said he was seeing someone, it's nothing serious but he wanted to stay faithful. I was pretty upset, but didn't let it show. I get so angry with him though, because he'll say something to offend me but I let it go to avoid falling out, but if I say something similar to him he'll get angry and we'll end up in an argument. He always makes me believe that everytime something goes wrong it's always my fault. This happened in this same conversation as after he told me about her he started prying into my sex life, and i told him it wasn't his business, which then spiralled into an argument because he was feeling threatened and so became defensive (as he always does) but he pinned it all on me because i claimed that he was screwing with my head, flirting and letting me think that something could happen and then going off with someone else. This he argued against once more and I ended up crying and wishing I had never started the argument, as usual, even though I'm pretty sure he was the one who turned it into an argument.I know the best thing for me is to stay away from this guy. I've tried it, and it's virtually impossible because we live in the same town and are bound to bump into eachother, and our circle of frineds overlaps. I've tried just being friends with him, but that's even worse because sparks fly and we end up flirting too much and having sex. I can't escape this guy. I think I love him, but I have so many reasons to hate him. I can't live with him and can't live without. So basically, there's no way out, I'm stuck feeling trapped in my own home town. The only way to escape is for me to move away, but I'm at college so that would be stupid. help me please!
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 November 2006): I don't think it will do any good to tell this guy how you feel about him, that you love him and what he is doing is hurting you....he know all of this already and that is why he feels he can get away with it. Words do not work with a guy like this or with one who is disrespecting you, seeing you cry and grovel will only make him pity you.
Actions are what you need, walk away from this one, if he does not shape up into a boyfriend, then he is not the one for you....leave him alone.
A
female
reader, marie78 +, writes (20 November 2006):
God, I'm in a similar situation- no joke- however, my ex and I fooled around over the weekend (forplay)... he suggested us being friends with benefits, but I told him that I don't want to be used. This week, I plan to have a serious talk with him... where I put everything on the line and tell him exactly how I feel. I have nothing to lose and so do you! So, I suggest you do the same. Sit this guy down and tell him how you feel... tell him that you truly love him and that his behavior is hurting you in ways that are unimaginable. You have nothing to lose at this point... what you want to do is maintain your dignity. Tell him that you don't want to know about his personal life- who he's sharing his bed with- or anything having to do with another woman, because it'll crush you. Then, tell him that your personal life is off limits too. Finally, inform him that you would like to stay in contact with him, but only if he's wiling to have a mature relationship with you and after some time has passed. It's obvious that you need to move on. You have to make this guy respect you! Good Luck!
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (20 November 2006):
 You are in charge of you - you are creating a dependency on this guy. You can take control of your computer so you don't have online chats with him. Sure you will bump into him from time to time around the town but not to a great extent unless you actively seek him out. This is not a love relationship - he belittles you, blames you and everything has to be his way or else he argues about it. He is immature but you are allowing him to behave badly as you keep bouncing back to take more punishment. You won't be living in your town forever and while you are you can inject some dignity into the situation by not giving him sex when he flutters his eyes at you and generally ignoring him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): Sorry to say but this sounds like a very immature relationship to me full of mind games, casual sex and teasing and arguing....who knows maybe when the two of you grow up you may have something between you, but for now it is just drama and who needs that, life is hard enough and you focus ought to be on finishing school.
Dump this guy, he is a loser for playing you along the way he is, he thinks it is funny because he gets a reaction out of you and he can flirt a little and you always jump in bed with him.
Tell him under no certain terms are you interested in this anymore, turn on your heels when you seem him and WALK AWAY...KEEP WALKING....if he comes back begging, sit him down and ask for an exclusive relationship and a commitment from him because I can tell that is what you want from him, and put him on notice that if he strays you are out of here for good.
Girl you have to demand respect or this is how you will be treated in life, and ask yourself if he is good enough for you, not the other way around.
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