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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Now that I've left this drinking navy dropout, he's making my life miserable. Help?
Q. It's been pretty crazy for the past few months. My daughter's father and I have been going thru a child custody battle and I am emotionally strain from all this. My daughter's father decided to come to my place of employment announced and decided ...
A. 11 May 2007: I don't think you need help in the way he suggests - you have obviously been a very strong person who has made the right choice for your family. Frankly, you shouldn't analyse why your ex is the way he is - his verbal abuse was a form of domestic ... (read in full...)
I like my teacher, but I don't want to ruin his job.
Q. Ok, so this is a kind of "backwards" question it seems for this site.. but.. I'm 16 and my teacher is 33... it seems as if he's more or less attracted to me.. so let me start from the very beginning: About a month into the school year, I was in c...
A. 11 May 2007: This requires you to demonstrate maturity far exceeding your age. I cannot tell you if your teacher likes you in the way you think - but I can tell you that he is inexperienced at dealing with teenage girls and their emotional problems by his ... (read in full...)
I liked her, and now that I've found out she's 13 I feel like a monster!!
Q. This is tearing me apart... About a year and a half ago, when I was 17, I met this girl. There's no other way I can describe it, but it felt like we just "clicked" instantly. She was with another girl who I knew to be 15, so without much though...
A. 11 May 2007: You are not a monster and it is very easy to make such mistakes as girls tend to look older than they are these days with fashione being what it is. At least you found out early enough to back off. 14 is too young for a 18 year old mentally as much ... (read in full...)
When we made out his leg started shaking
Q. When I was making out with this guy his leg started shaking is that a bad sign?...
A. 11 May 2007: I know I shouldn't laugh but your post really did bring a smile to my face. Be flattered...the guy is obviously over-enthusiastic! You could try strapping him down to the bed! There are some rare medical conditions that cause involuntary movements ... (read in full...)
Am I right to feel insulted he called me weird when I said I'd sleep with him?
Q. ok today i was texting a guy who i work with in my part time job and he said something about feeling ugly and i said he shouldnt because hes really popular at work. He then asked me what i meant so i text him back saying there are quite a few girls ...
A. 11 May 2007: You were right to be insulted but you have to remember that men have a habit of putting their big foot in it. He probably didn't mean it so try not to worry! Basically he is feeling sorry for himself (...no one loves me!) and you spoiled his moment ... (read in full...)
Whats the best time to get my Fiancee pregnant ?
Q. what can i do to get my fiance pregnant. Like i been trying for the past couple of month to get her pregnant but everytime her period comes on. Am i missing her most fertile periods or something and when would her most fertile periods be...?...
A. 11 May 2007: If you both want a baby then the best time to try is about 10 days to 2 weeks after the last period (ovulation usually occurs around then, an egg is released ready for fertilisation). However, women vary and there are no hard/ fast rules. It is ... (read in full...)
He cheated on me, but we share a uni flat, I still fancy him, but know hes bad, what should I do ?
Q. I broke up with my ex 4 months ago after he cheated on me. Unfortunately we live together in university halls at the moment so it's taken me absolutely ages to get over him considering we were only together for 3 months. I forgave him at the time ...
A. 11 May 2007: You have to keep this in perspective. You are leaving soon for America and that will bring new distractions from your heart ache. It is never easy to get over someone when they are on your doorstep but when you come back to Uni. next year you should ... (read in full...)
am I ready for sex? All my friends tell me to do it.
Q. Right... im 15 and i've been going out with this boy for nearly 2 weeks now. He flattered me so much and dumped his nine month GF to be with me... i love him so much and he loves me to. He's fingered me, licked me out and i tossed him off. Next ...
A. 10 May 2007: You have been with him for two weeks not two years! You should press the brake on this 'relationship' as you have to figure out if he likes you for you, or just because he gets lots of sexual fun from you...it is a tough thing to figure out from a ... (read in full...)
I cheated on the exams, what can I do?
Q. i feel so guilty because ive just cheated in my exams at university. what should i do?...
A. 10 May 2007: It depends on how and why you cheated really. I know the moral answer is to confess but...you maybe kicked off your course. If you are cheating, it maybe a signal that you are doing the wrong course if this is your stress management mechanism but it ... (read in full...)
He says: There is nothing a woman can offer me, because I have everything I need so she would have to be the "WHOLE PACKAGE"... views?
Q. I am dating a guy who said, There is nothing a woman can offer me, because I have everything I need so she would have to be the "WHOLE PACKAGE" I am not sure how to take this. Part of me thinks this is a great thing because he is confident and he ...
A. 5 May 2007: You are either dating:
1. Someone with severe emotional issues who pushes anybody and everybody away who gets too close to his affections with stupid excuses. Mr Insecure + had fingers burned before and doesn't trust anyone.
OR
2. A bigoted... (read in full...)
My relationships only last a few weeks....I need advice on HOW to love someone!
Q. I have been having problems with almost all the girls i have met, the relationships just won't last, plz is there something i have to do to keep girls more closer to me?, we start having problems in a couple of weeks and thats how it ends. plz i ...
A. 5 May 2007: You dont need advice on how to love someone, you need advice on how to love yourself enough to deal with rejection. We all get rejection sometimes and frankly in your early 20's lots of people have flings until they find someone they really like ... (read in full...)
I'm besotted with a guy at work, now he's leaving and I don't understand why I'm so torn up about it!
Q. How can I get someone out of my head? A guy at work has been flirting continuously with me for the last several months and I love the attention, however, he's leaving in a week or so due to promotion and I think I'll miss him terribly. He doesn't ...
A. 5 May 2007: I agree with the others...life is too short...ASK HIM OUT! or at least get his mobile number so you can ring him later. ... (read in full...)
What do I do about being in love with an older boy??
Q. I'm in love with a 19 year old and im 14. I've told my mam and she didnt seem to botherd, me and him arent going out. I think he knows hes too old for me and he doesnt know what to do i love him so much. I dont think age should matter if your in ...
A. 5 May 2007: I am in an age-gap marriage so I have to agree that age sometimes doesn't matter. I am surprised your mother isn't bothered by it however; I think I would be in her situation! I am glad your 19 yr old love interest is showing some maturity here - ... (read in full...)
He still wants me even when his wife is with him!!
Q. I have been seeing a man for a year now and he works here but from another country. He told me last year that he was married and if I wanted to go I could.I love him to much and couldn't go away.I asked did he want that I go bye and he said no ...
A. 5 May 2007: I am not going to say 'forget him'...you should remember him just enough to remind yourself of danger in the future. The guy has a screw-loose in his head if he wants his mistress to pick his wife and kids up at the airport. It sends a clear message ... (read in full...)
I'm only 16 years old and already fallen in love with the wrong man.... wrong man because he is already married!
Q. I'm only 16 years old and already fallen in love with the wrong man.... wrong man because he is already married! from the start i know that.... but still i can help falling with him! and having sexual intercourse with him! he's name is aljohn! i ...
A. 4 May 2007: You have to leave him as it is a matter of self-respect. Who wants someone else's second hand goods? If he cheats on his wife, there is a sure thing...he would cheat on you if you were his second wife! You are young and it is ok to make a mistake, ... (read in full...)
I have been seeing this man who is 21 and i am 14 and he is doing some stuff to me that i dont understand and i dont want him to do!!!
Q. I have been seeing this man who is 21 and i am 14 and he is doing some stuff to me that i dont understand and i dont want him to do, 1st he said i like u will u meet me and because ive liked him for ages i meet him, and got in his car because i ...
A. 4 May 2007: 1. I am sure you know the age of consent in the UK is 16. It doesn't even sound like he got 'consent'. It is a criminal offence where he was the perpetrator and you were the victim.
2. As a child predator he is using all the tricks in the book on y... (read in full...)
I need to know why I stay with my husband who has been so horrible to me and my kids over the last 20 years...
Q. I have had a very turbulent relationship with my husband for nearly 20 years. in this time he has been emotionally and sometimes physically violent towards me. We have had 3 children but 2 were adopted at a young age and 1 remained with us. They ...
A. 4 May 2007: You stay as a victim of domestic violence who has been run down over the years by various abusive incidents. Both you and your kids need a specialist type of family therapy for families affected by domestic violence and child abuse. Your GP can ... (read in full...)
I'm 18 dating a 15 year old and her parents can't stand me! I don't know why!
Q. Hi, I'm an 18 year old guy dating a 15 year old and her parents can't stand me (I don't know why). I'm a nice guy. I respect her and I love her with all my heart. What are your thoughts on the 3 year difference and if I could go to jail for having s...
A. 4 May 2007: Age of consent in the UK is 16. Her parents were young once and they think 18 year old men are after their 15 year old daughter for just once thing. On the up side, their protectiveness is natural and normal. On the down side, it is up to you to ... (read in full...)
How do I get rid of a home made tatoo?
Q. last year i was very upset over this girl i was crazy over. over some event i couldn't take it so i cut my skin sayin i love! now one year on it's still there. the skin is coloured with it clearly written. how do i get it off? it's seems impossib...
A. 4 May 2007: If you cut yourself with a metal instrument the chances are that you will have a scar for life. Tattoo laser treatment can work (better on some skin colours than others) but you often get a white mark left afterwards. Laser therapy hurts a bit but ... (read in full...)
I haven't met anyone for a while and feel my life is at a standstill.
Q. Hey. I've been single for coming up to a year now. Its insane! I've had a few on off flings but nothing serious. It's annoying because the amount of times I go out clubbing every week and I also go to college, u would of thought i would have found ...
A. 4 May 2007: Pubs and clubs are not always the best places to meet a partner as they can be a bit of a meat market in the UK on a Saturday night. It is very hard to work out if you have anything in common amid the noise!
I never met anyone special while I ... (read in full...)
I want a baby but im only 14 years old!
Q. Please help me! I want a baby but im only 14 years old! My boyfriend is 16 and we want to be parents already! I feel ready for some reason! What shall i do!!??? Please please help me....
A. 26 April 2007: I am writing to you on a personal and professional level. I have recently discovered I am pregnant but I am 35 and we can afford to have children! I wasn't in a career or financial position to have children before with any degree of comfort. Money ... (read in full...)
I am 14 and I don't want to date yet, but my friends all think I am a geek for not dating.
Q. Why does everyone seem to look down on me because I don't want a boyfriend. I am 14 and I don't think I am ready for a relationship yet. I have had boyfriends but I cant really be bothered with them yet. I want to do well at school and get some good ...
A. 21 April 2007: There is nothing wrong with you, but you are obviously a talented, intelligent young lady who knows her mind and you have got to expect other people to be jealous and threatened by that. The first instinct of jealous people is to name-call and try ... (read in full...)
Paranoid he doesn't like me when he doesnt contact me!
Q. I have been with my boyfriend a month but known him for 14 months. During the time we were just casual he went off with another girl and broke my heart. I haven't spoke to him or seen him since Monday and its now Saturday. I know we have both been ...
A. 21 April 2007: I don't think lack of credit on his phone is a problem - when men are that into you they usually knock your door in. I am sure you don't want to hear that but maybe you just have to accept this relationship is not as full-on as you would like. It ... (read in full...)
My 14 yr old is only smoking to fit in! Please help he has cardio problems!!
Q. Please help my 14 year old friend smokes occasionaly when he is out with people who do smoke and it worries me because he didnt used to and i feel he is doing it to show off and i really care about him and he knows that and he wont listen to me ...
A. 21 April 2007: You could show him some of the more gory pictures of what smoking does to you. In my experience, smokers only stop when they are ready to and many chronic adult smokers get into the habit as teenagers out of peer pressure. There is no easy answer - ... (read in full...)
We are second cousins so would this cause any problems with the baby we want to have together?
Q. hi i need some advice im 25 and my partner is 36. The problem is we are second cousins he's my mums cousin. We love each other so much we are now considering having a baby together im wondering if we did would the baby be ok? or would it have ...
A. 19 April 2007: It is possible there will be no problems, or no greater risks than two non-related persons. However, the reason why babies from relatives are not advised is that certain diseases and conditions tend to run in families. You can do some research and ... (read in full...)
Married, 25 years old with two kids and having an affair with my 2nd cousin! Any advice?
Q. im a 25yr old with two kids. i have been with my partner for 5yrs, the thing is ive been having a affair for a year now with my second cousin. we both wanna be together im thinking of moving to be with him, my partner drinks alot and dont care about ...
A. 19 April 2007: As you will be aware, relationships between cousins is ok in law in the UK but not medically recommended (family genes). It also makes things very tricky if you come from a close family as if you split up you still have to see each other. These ... (read in full...)
I slapped him in temper, hes left me but left a note, it says he still loves me! I dont know what to do!?
Q. Ive been with my boyfriend for 5 years i left a violent marriage to be with him. The last two years have been very bad i discovered i was pregnant but had to terminated as he "wasnt ready for the comittment" my father was diagnosed with cancer and ...
A. 19 April 2007: He walked because you assaulted him. Whatever else is going on in your relationship it can never be acceptable to lose it to the point of being violent - or him being violent to you. If he hadn't left then it wouldn't have made you face up to ... (read in full...)
Were people staring at us because of our age gap or the fact, that we were making out all over the place?
Q. Hi I am 20 and my boyfriend is 27. And we were out in public the other day and we were getting tons of looks from strangers! I thought this sort of thing happened with only people in huge age gaps - like 18 and 57 or something. I get the feeli...
A. 19 April 2007: People stare because they are saying...get a room...they don't care about the 7 years between you because unless you look exceptionally young and he looks exceptionally old then they wouldn't know. ... (read in full...)
Should you always use your heart over your mind ?
Q. How far is it safe to listen to heart and do what it feels? I particularly have this problem with intellectuals who constantly use brains over heart in making important decisions in life. Normally i feel happy when i go with my heart, although it ...
A. 19 April 2007: Sometimes listen to your heart, sometimes your head...it really depends on the situation. If you feel your heart is racing ahead of you...step back, take time to think and if your heart is still racing then go with that feeling. ... (read in full...)
How can I break this cycle of binge eating junk food ?
Q. OK so this may sound really silly but i dont exactly know how to stop. i seem to be over eating all the time. like binge eating. i never throw up or anything after i just binge on junk... a lot. not even because im hungry, just because i'll be bored ...
A. 19 April 2007: You don't purge (throw up) after binge eating but you do have some hallmarks of bulmia nervosa. I don't think your petite body frame has anything to do with your eating disorder - it is about cholesterol in the blood and malnutrition at the end of ... (read in full...)
I was abused by my step dad! Its still haunting me, please help!!
Q. pls help..when i was little my step dad abused me,my mum and him have now split up, but still at the age of 25 im getting night-mares, flash backs. when me and my husband try to make love i get flash backs den. it got so bad i couldnt go out the ...
A. 19 April 2007: I have professional experience of working with families in your situation. It is normal to have the symptoms you describe as an adult based on what happened to you as a child. You say you got counselling, but I think different sorts of counselling ... (read in full...)
Im 16 hes 40, I cant imagine life without him so how do I get him ot marry me ?
Q. I wrote yesterday "So many boys want to date me but I reject them all for my married neighbor who is 40! I'm 16. He is married but only see his family twice a mth over weekends coz they are overseas. We have been seeing each other almost daily for ...
A. 11 April 2007: You poor girl...is your self esteem so low that you would settle for such an arrangement with a much older man? AT 16 you are barely starting out on your life whereas he is mid-way through his. Of course he likes the attention you give him - it is a ... (read in full...)
No periods for 6 months, I'm not pregnant, and I dont have insurance to go to the docs, What could be wrong ?
Q. i really need advice! i havent gotten my period in 6 months, and ive taken 8 pregnancy tests, all of which said negative. i also have frequent, sharp pains right by my uterus on both sides, when i walk, or lean my weight towards one side. id go to a ...
A. 10 April 2007: You could have polycystic ovaries as I do, and your symptoms suggest that - it affects up to 10% of women and is associated with weight gain, lack of (irregular) periods, stomach pains (from over-sized ovaries and cysts), male pattern hair, ... (read in full...)
Do I continue to have 3-somes to please HIM or say something to him about it.
Q. Nothing is ever simple.. We are a male couple of 45 and 37, we have been together for 10 years. We are your non- scene couple who have little/few friends, ironically mostly straight. We both work long hard hours and find spare time a premium, h...
A. 10 April 2007: A college friend of mine entered a gay marriage in the same circumstances as you describe. They agreed to the open relationship thing at the start but I can honestly say it drove a huge wedge between them in the end and led to divorce and much ... (read in full...)
I'm guilty of cheating and now I don't know who to choose.
Q. im guilty of two timing! ive been dating my first bf for almost 8 months now. he's serving the country so he's always busy but i love him for who he is. he's funny and lovable. but he can get kinda sticky at times. u know, like talking on the phon...
A. 10 April 2007: What should you do? My advice is to date no-one and leave both of them well alone until you have sorted your own mind out. If you were that into your 1st BF you wouldn't cheat on him and if you were that into no.2 you would have dumped no.1 and be ... (read in full...)
I've only JUST passed my driving test but my girlfriend talks as if I've been driving for years!
Q. I have recently passed my driving test! wooohooo! And have been out every day driving since I passed. Now my girlfriend thinks I'm really good at driving. I haven't been really far yet and have stayed local to get used to my new car. However s...
A. 10 April 2007: You are a very responsible person and I am happy that you have the self-awareness to know you are a novice on the road. Driving on a motorway is a huge step and perhaps you should get one of those pass-plus courses under your belt before attempting ... (read in full...)
The guy I fancy mailed me asking if I want to go for drink! My friends say not to reply straight away as I will look too keen!
Q. I really fancy someone at my old job that i left last week. He is 30 and i am 20, and we used to flirt like mad. We built up such a close relationship, but he never asked me out. On my last day he asked for my email address and we exchanged them, ...
A. 10 April 2007: I don't think there is a need to play games with the guy and replying quickly is polite rather than desperate. It sounds like your mates have been reading too many of those 'how to get yourself a man' books. I think he is a clever guy - he waited ... (read in full...)
I text him to find out where I stand and he didn't reply back! What's he thinking?
Q. i told him i really liked him!! i was really upset knowing i wouldnt see him for 3 weeks (because hes going to the usa) so I text him and just said i cant face you going to america without knowing where i stand with you because i reli like you tb xx ...
A. 7 April 2007: I think you have to leave him alone now. If he hasn't answered your text then he either hasn't had the time or doesn't want to make a commitment...he would make time if he wanted to. I think the ball is in his court and you need to relax as 3 weeks ... (read in full...)
I drunkenly cheated on my girlfriend. Do I tell her?
Q. Hi,I'm a 27 year old male and have been with my girlfriend for a year. After my 1st real love 4/5 years ago I had been single for about 3 1/2 years - i can't simply go out with anyone for the sake of it. Then I met my current girlfriend and it's ...
A. 7 April 2007: I cannot tell you if you should come clean with your GF or not...that is a tough decision and only you will know how she will react. I can tell you that you have a duty to protect yourself and her from anything you may have put yourself at risk of ... (read in full...)
Is this just a coincidence or is she lying to me?
Q. My girlfriend is on birth control. She says that she started at age fourteen because of abnormally bad periods, not to have sex. She started dating her first boyfriend then, which lasted 6 months. Is it a coincidence? Or is she lying to me?...
A. 7 April 2007: It is true that doctors prescribe contraceptive pills for period pains and heavy periods, although it is increasingly common medical practice to check girls out for hormonal/ physical problems that may be the cause of the problem. Depending on where ... (read in full...)
It is possible that I miscarried without even knowing I was pregnant?
Q. Hi everyone; ok straight to the point, i usually have very light periods at the begining of each month (start between the 1st-3rd). Last month I had sex with my boyfirend, and then not again until yesterday. I had not started my period for april , ...
A. 7 April 2007: I had a miscarriage at Christmas time while knowing I was 10 wks pregnant. With a miscarriage you can start with spotting and then contractions until the contents of the womb (pregnancy) are lost. For me it was dull achy pain for days followed by ... (read in full...)
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