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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 14 and i live in California I am dating a 18 year old. Well my parents met him and they really like him! But they think he's 17..... I thought so too he barely told me the truth about him being 18, 3 days ago and we've been together for over month now. Things are moving at a good pace in my point of view. We haven't had sex but well i guess you could say were getting there. But now im worried that if we do he will get in trouble. He had gotten in trouble before for dating a 15 year old and got a restraining order from her plus had to do 100 hours of community service and also 6 days of jail. I forgot to mention the 2 years of probation he has. This whole incedent happened about 4 months ago. I want to know in what type of trouble he can get into now. I'm really worried because I really want to be with him. Should i have sex with him? If I do and for some reason we get caught by the law what wil happen? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2006): In the US, a 14 year old girl is still considered a child or a minor and is not of the age and maturity for sexual consent, your boyfriend is legally an adult at the age of 18. He can be criminally prosecuted for what is called stuatory rape of a minor if you have perform any sexual acts with him.
You show maturity in asking these questions and being concerned about his welfare, however, he is not showing you any of the same consideration. He has one thing on his mind and that is bagging a young girl to have sex with, he is grooming you to let your guard down and trust him...He has no respect for authority or the law, he has already been in trouble and he did not change....guess what that means he is not going to change and be a stand up kind of guy or one that you can count on to tell you the truth and to do the right thing any time soon.
Please tell your parents everything and stay away from him he is not a good person for you to associate with.
A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (23 November 2006):
 Hmmmm aren't people supposed to learn by their mistakes? He clearly isn't and that should be a big warning sign for you. There are a couple of issues here:
1. You are 14 and dating a liar...he lied about his age because of his previous trouble but that is not an excuse; what other lies is he telling?
2. You are 14 and most people would say that is too young for a sexual relationship...you have only known the guy a month and already his track record isnt brilliant...he lied about his age, you are too young for him and you are both telling lies about his age to your parents.
3. The guy has a criminal record for sex offenses - it seriously restricts the places he can work for instance and has big implications for his future life and you too. I guess your parents don't know about that bit eh?
4. He is an adult in the eyes of the law - this is why the police took an interest before! It could be that he has a habit of dating younger girls as they are easier to impress and maybe he isn't emotionally capable of relating to older girls. He got a hefty sentence if this is his first offense; there is probably more to the case than him merely having a sexual relationship with a minor.
I think having sex with this guy is a bad mistake for all sorts of reasons - you are very young, he lies about stuff and you don't know him very well...forget the police implications of this as that is his problem; think about yourself and what you want out of life. I am all for giving people a second chance but honestly, he is straight out of one court sentence for sex offenses against a young girl and straight out looking for the next underage girl...tell your parents everything and stay away from this guy!
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