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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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My mum is stressing me out, I can't even LOOK at a boy on TV let alone date one but she'll throw a fit!
Q. what to do? i've just turned 16, and my mum is really obsessed with school, and when i even mention a boy off the tele she has a stress, mainly because she left school to be with my dad and apparently it ruined her life, but i can't even look ...
A. 22 February 2007: It is a waiting game really. My mother was scarily strict when I was your age...no makeup, no dating, no cool clothing etc. It felt more like a military camp than a happy home at times! Anyway she had similar circumstances to your mother by the ... (read in full...)
Any advice on how to do cleaning, spa and weight????
Q. I am a female when I was 18 I was a size 8 and 7 years on I am a size 12 I got married last year and I should of lost weight in January beginning of 2006. my mum sister nagged me to lose weight I was oh I will do it when I'm ready. Now beginning of ...
A. 22 February 2007: My advice...stop dieting...diets do not work in the long-term and you end up feeling miserable. I don't think being a size 12 is bad at all - I am sure there are many women who would love to be that size! Our bodies change with age and lifestyle. ... (read in full...)
My gf took an overdose when I went out w/ friends. Now she claims she's pregnant to keep me from going out!
Q. i have been with my girlfriend for about 6 months but i don't feel for her what i used to. we get on but she's making me feel claustrophobic, she's stopped seeing her friends and wants to spend all her time with me. last year she took an overdose ...
A. 21 February 2007: It sounds like your girlfriend has some serious psychological difficulties that need to be resolved through professional intervention. The best thing you can do is to try to persuade her to see a doctor or counsellor as those control issues and self ... (read in full...)
My son goes gambling during his school lunch break! He became livid when I tried to talk about it. Is professional help the best solution?
Q. At school recently one of my 16-year-old son's teachers phoned up saying she'd seen him go to gambling arcades during lunchbreak, frequently. She's already had to bring him back to school 3 times this week. I got a phone call off her this mo...
A. 21 February 2007: I wouldn't go to gamblers anonymous quite yet. I think you have to find his source of income. Research shows that teens who get into drugs, gambling and so forth tend to have more disposable income. If you withdraw any financial allowance and watch ... (read in full...)
My best friend likes MY 'potential' boyfriend but I don't think its fair for her to have him because I saw him first! What do you think?
Q. My best friend in the whole world used to date this guy and he tried to fix me up with one of his guy friends....well his friend ended up going off to school far away and me and him just bacame friends....anyway while he was in school he dated other ...
A. 20 February 2007: I think you have to calm down a bit and stop worrying about the situation so much. Basically, you cannot control your best friend and you cannot control this man either. You can control you and how you react to the situation. If you and this guy are ... (read in full...)
My friend wants me to cancel my wedding! I'm having some problems but is there light at the end of the tunnel?
Q. I just feel so down all the time. My partner and i have two kids between us, not ours as such. We both work full time. Our girls are in their teens, hate each other. We are getting married in 6 months time and i should be as happy as could be - but ...
A. 20 February 2007: I don't think the wedding will fix things and you really should seek medical advice if you think you are depressed. It sounds like you have a good friend there so why not lean on that person for a while.... (read in full...)
Does my teacher fancy me?
Q. Hey, I need help! My teacher is a bit older than I am and I need to know if he likes me or not. He always talks to me and I usually talk to him, but if I don't he asks me why I'm not talking to him. He comes out to my locker to talk to me and alwa...
A. 20 February 2007: There are two possibilities here: (i) you have a teacher in your school who hasn't got to grips with the teacher-pupil boundary too well. This is something hard to teach at teacher training college and usually comes with many years of experience ... (read in full...)
I'm very ill and I'm sick all the time. I can't hold any food down. What's wrong with me?!!
Q. I dont think Im normal Because over the past 3 months , I have felt sick every day. Im only 14 and I get all shaky and cold and I go all pale. Also I get really bad coughing fits. When i start coughing , I cant stop until Im Sick. I havent been to ...
A. 20 February 2007: Your symptoms could be a broad range of different diseases and medical conditions - asthma, food allergy...the thing is, no one can diagnose you via the internet. You need to see a doctor and have a full battery of blood and urine tests to detect if ... (read in full...)
He hit me and threatened to do it again! But I love him so much and I can't live without him. Help!
Q. hi, im 17 and my boyfriend is 20, i love him so much. Yesterday he hit me and threatened to do alot more for no big reason. It wasn't hard but he still did it. He hurt me so much but i still have the power to forgive him. I sent him a message to ...
A. 20 February 2007: There is one certain thing about domestic violence - once it happens, it will happen again...maybe not tomorrow but any relationship affected by violence needs treating and both the victim and perpetrator need professional assistance. You have to ... (read in full...)
I like my boyfriend's friend but when I told him he continued as if nothing happened. Now he treats me indifferently and I don't know what to think. Advice?
Q. i live with my boyfriend of over year we have five kids between us 3 are his 2 are mine.after about three months of us going out i met his friend i instantly started to like him but ignored my feelings as i thought they would fizzle out and i did ...
A. 20 February 2007: Honestly girl you have got to reign in that ego a bit as all this thinking could get you into a whole lot of trouble and heart-ache. It sounds like this guy is a good friend of your boyfriend's and that is why he spends time at your place just ... (read in full...)
My husband said he hates me, but still loves me. He is blaming me for wanting and trying to commit suicide! I'm hurt and scared.
Q. i have been with my husband for 15 years although only married for 7 in may, i have been sexualy assaulted and lost a pregnancy, which i have blamed my hubby for over the years as he used to run away and leave me stranded before i got attacked, we ...
A. 16 February 2007: Regardless of the state of your relationship, your husband has significant psychological problems and requires urgent treatment. I don't think you can address all the other things that have happened to you both until you both get professional ... (read in full...)
Wanted: Your feedback and ideas for DearCupid... !
Q. Hi I'm looking for your feedback and ideas for DearCupid. Either reply to this thread or send me a private mail :-) Got an idea for a new feature? Want to tell me what works well? What's not up to scratch? If you're in the UK hope you're n...
A. 16 February 2007: 1. Very sexually explicit posts should be in an over 18's section as there are many children and teenagers using this website. I am sure many of the adult readers of this website would also like some kind of choice on the material they are reading. ... (read in full...)
Should I just ignore it as a viscious prank?
Q. My Husband got a Valentines Card from someone implying they are sleeping with him. Hi, I just want a little advice really. I have been with my husband for 9 years and we got married 5 months ago. Yesterday he got a Valentines card through the...
A. 8 February 2007: i think it is a prank. If your husband was having an affair then it would seem an odd way for his mistress to let you know. Given your domestic circumstances, I would say your neighbour would be prime suspect and you have my sympathies (I have awful ... (read in full...)
I am looking for a psychic person
Q. i need help, i am looking for a phsicic person in my area so i can talk to my dad, me and my sister - 21, have been looking for ages, im 13 and cant go another month with out knowing he's okay, please help we are also trying to find out how he died, ...
A. 8 February 2007: Everyone is entitled to their beliefs and if you believe in psychics then it is ok as that is your opinion. However, you should be very careful as you are clearly emotionally distressed by what has happened to you. When you are in that frame of mind ... (read in full...)
My mom got angry at me for being raped among other things! How do I get my parents to leave me alone?? I don't love them!
Q. I haven't been talking with my parents for several months. This is because I have had a bad childhood because of them and am just now realizing all the hell I went through. I guess I've kept it supressed for a long time - I've just moved out and ...
A. 7 February 2007: You know that old saying...you can pick your friends not your family. I agree with the others that you have had a bad time in the past. The key to surviving all this is not to carry it around into your future - you need specialist counselling to ... (read in full...)
I love him but he has a gf! What can I do?
Q. I love, well..have strong feelings for this boy in college. I think he likes me to, but I'm not sure. Plus, he's got a girlfriend, but she lives in Hull and they only see each other once a year! What can I do? Please help!...
A. 7 February 2007: You are dreaming about someone who is unobtainable. If he dropped his girl and ran off with you then you would probably get very bored with him. Put another way, he has a girlfriend and if he leaves her for you then you have to realise that he could ... (read in full...)
My best friend's brother took my virginity...
Q. Ok so I like my best friends brother. He took my virginity. I known him for 4 years and liked him 2 years of the 4 I've known him. We had sex only two times. We got a chance to talk and he said he doesnt want to be in a relationship. Im sixteen and ...
A. 31 January 2007: He was using you for sex because he is older than you and not handling a teenage crush maturely. You cannot change other people but you can change yourself. It is very sad that you had to lose it to someone who doesn't care about you but learn from ... (read in full...)
We've split and I've turned to drinking and occupying my time to cope, but nothing works! How can I stop drinking and how do I move on?
Q. Hi, I have been through a very nasty break up with my partner of more than 2 years. I am not going to go into the full story of that as I really don’t want to take much of your time, beside it is a very very sad story anyway. Basically I lov...
A. 31 January 2007: Sounds like you have been through a tough time! But you recognise you have a problem with alcohol which is the first step towards recovery. Ask for help from a doctor - most areas have support groups. Stop buying alcohol for your house - if it is ... (read in full...)
Are we ever going to have a real relationship?
Q. I met this guy a year ago and we became friends who sleep with each other. He made it clear we couldnt become anything more so, I went off with this other guy for a month. when this ended he was there for me and I started seeing him again. he said ...
A. 31 January 2007: I agree with the first post (and the second) - you are mutual safety blankets for each other when there is no-one better around. Some people fear being single and will tag along with anyone just to fill a void. It sounds like the relationship is ... (read in full...)
Struggling to cope with my girlfriend who is struggling to cope with her ME and fibromyalgia...
Q. hello, my girlfriend has got M.E. (Myalgic Encephalopathy) and Fibromyalgia. I love her to pieces but recently, things have started to go downhill. i respect that she needs her time and her space but im finding this all quite hard to cope with now...
A. 26 January 2007: I was diagnosed with ME...it was a misdiagnosis that wasn't uncovered until a few years later. Your GF needs to get some very detailed medical checks including insulin resistance, thyroid function etc to make sure there isn't another reason for her ... (read in full...)
Can anyone share experiences of moving abroad?
Q. I am thinking of moving to Dubai, there are a couple of people I already know out there but obviously I am very nervous about it as I have many friends and family in the UK. Has anyone else moved abroad, if so what are your experiences? I ...
A. 10 January 2007: I don't think anyone else's experience of living abroad, including my own, will be necessarily helpful for you in making your mind up about this issue. After all, we all have different needs and wants in life. However, why not go for a little while ... (read in full...)
He doesn't know if he wants to marry me now. Am I wrong in pushing him for an answer?
Q. Hi there, I have written before about nagging so much to my boyfriend that i pushed him away, we are trying to get things back to the way they were before but i still feel really down. I cant help thinking about the future! A few months ago my ...
A. 10 January 2007: You are both 18 and maybe you will spend the rest of your life with this man, perhaps not. What you have to think is that thank goodness he reported his doubts now. He has every right to have doubts - you are both still teenagers and it is a ... (read in full...)
I'm 26, he's 21. I want to settle down soon. Will this relationship last?
Q. Dear Cupids, I like a guy and we have started seeing each other - I am just 26 and he is 21 so I am worried that this may not work due to the age difference. He seems pretty grown up. If you really like someone does age matter? He is still stud...
A. 10 January 2007: I don't think age gaps really matter as long as they are legal (perhaps I am biased as my husband is 10 years younger). I don't think it always matters if you are in different stages on your life. I also don't think being aged 21 bars him from ... (read in full...)
He's lied about seeing other girls - now I can't stop going through his computer and phone...b/c I've found things!
Q. Hi, i've been with my boyfriend for almost two yrs, we get on really well all of the time. Accept that i don't think i trust him. We met in the internet, i knew that he spoke to a lot of girls who were just, friends, i accepted that. I asked him ...
A. 10 January 2007: I don't think you will get over it with this guy - I think you pair are incompatible. Any long term relationship is based on trust and you don't have any...and it sounds like you have just cause to doubt him. You met on the internet, it was always a ... (read in full...)
It's our first time meeting up together - how should I represent myself?
Q. Hello there i have a question There is a guy i know but he does not know me i have asked him to get to know him and he has agreed with great interest. I really want him to enjoy my company and want to see me again so should i tell him everyth...
A. 10 January 2007: First of all calm down! I realise that first dates are nerve-wrecking events but this is about both of you deciding if you would like to get to know each other further. It is not a one-way street where you have to impress him, but he should impress ... (read in full...)
I'm underweight and never really hungry. Does this mean I have an eating disorder?
Q. hi. im 16 and very underweight for my age. i just never seem to be hungry so never really have proper meals. i love being thin and i love when people comment on me being thin. i don't intentionally not eat and i don't try to keep my weight low. do i ...
A. 20 December 2006: I don't think you have an eating disorder, but I think you are 'at risk' of an eating disorder. This is because being extra thin is important to you and you miss meals - these are factors that have been shown to important to girls who later go on to ... (read in full...)
Im 34 and have never had a boyfriend, what the hell am I doing wrong!!!?
Q. I'm 34 and have never had a boyfriend. I have a very good full-time job, a lucrative business on the side, spend a lot on my clothes, hair and appearance, have interesting hobbies, read newspapers and books, go to the gym and generally take care of ...
A. 20 December 2006: There is nothing wrong with being single at 34. Increasingly people feel under pressure to be dating and to fit all that into a busy social and career life...it can be exhausting. You maybe coming across as 'too busy' to men - they can sometimes be ... (read in full...)
Last year at xmas, my married boss and i got together. Part of me wants it to happen again, but I know it's wrong! Help!
Q. Hi there... I posted nearly 12 months ago... last year xmas time, me and one of my bosses were getting on really well, flirting and everything, we both didnt think it would go any further as he is 13 years older than me and married. Anyh...
A. 20 December 2006: I think part of you is feeling very bored in the festive season and thinking of ways to brighten up things - unfortunately your married boss situation is going nowhere fast...he is married...he cheated...he is your boss...three reasons not to have ... (read in full...)
It's possible, I'm pregnant...can alcohol consumption over xmas...affect the embryo?
Q. i really need some advice. My partner and I want a child, and we havent used contraception for almost 2 yrs and unfortunately no baby - yet. I am due on my period on 27th december. Being christmas I want to go out and celebrate with my friends, but ...
A. 19 December 2006: I am in the early stages of pregnancy so very jealous that you can drink anything...and of course you can in moderation. However, it is generally accepted that when you are trying for a baby your chances of conception are better when your lifestyle ... (read in full...)
Calling me names like skank/ slut are his way of joking...How do I handle his idea of 'joking'?
Q. Hey there, Well my boyfriend and I fought a few times one night while we were drinking and then it carried on through the next day. Ever since then, he's been sligtly rude to me and sometimes acts like he knows EVERYTHING. He jokes around with me,...
A. 19 December 2006: Handle it by telling him you won't accept his name-calling...how old is he? Doesn't sound terribly mature. One strategy would be to call him names back but it will just end up in a slanging match. Just make it clear you don't find the 'joke' ... (read in full...)
Is this a stain on my character?
Q. Hello to all the wise advisory people out here! This is going to be a rather long post, I'm afraid, because it's been bothering me for a while, and I don't know whom else to talk to about it, under anonymity. I'm sorry to all those of you who do r...
A. 19 December 2006: Everyone has stains on their character because no-one is perfect in everyway! Lots of people are honest about their pasts while some are not so honest! Perhaps you should wait a while before you tell any future boyfriends/ contacts about your past. ... (read in full...)
Am I stupid for trying at this relationship?
Q. 3-4 weeks ago my partner bought a bouquet of flowers for a sales girl who sold him an watch. he is still denying it or that he even knows her even though i have proof he did i know through seeing the flowers bill and ringing this girl up, al...
A. 19 December 2006: I don't think you are stupid and any 'paranoia' is probably due to your experience with this relationship. Basically, you are both to blame for where you have arrived now and I honestly think you too are just very bad for each other. You don't ... (read in full...)
Does he really love me?
Q. im in love with a guy who already has a girlfriend.he says he loves me but cannot leave his girl.i accepted him and things were going good but now after few months he is having constant mood swing.does he really love me?what should i do?...
A. 19 December 2006: This is a classic cake of having cake and eating it. Men are fairly straight-forward creatures when it comes to love and relationships. When they are totally into you then they are drilling holes in your front door locks to be with you. When they ... (read in full...)
He's asking me to have an abortion!
Q. just found out i am pregnant but my partner dsnt want it he said hv abortion or he will walk i was on the pill but missed sum when i was poorly i no irisponsable of me. he came round to talk bout it he said he just dsnt want anymore kids as hes got ...
A. 19 December 2006: I am in the early stages of pregnancy myself at the moment so I understand you are in the throws of all sorts of emotions and physical changes. Fortunately this baby is wanted by both myself and my husband. However, if I was in your situation I ... (read in full...)
I'm 13-he's 16 and I need toask what type of trouble he would get into, if we were to have sex.
Q. hi this may be a stupid question but what is the law on under 16? i have a 16yr old bf and i m 13 and obviosly he can get in to trouble. But we havent had sex yet and ive made it clear that i am not going to till i can with you. But what is it h...
A. 15 December 2006: From a legal perspective it is entirely down to where you live - the age of consent in the UK is 16 and technically he could be prosecuted here for sexual activity with a child if you did start a sexual relationship. The law here states that ... (read in full...)
My girl has done "porno" shoots before!
Q. Hi I've been seeing a girl now for two weeks. She's great and funny and attractive and smart (something you don't always get). But there's just one thing. She told me she did one or two porn photo shoots which she says she regrets and needed money ...
A. 14 December 2006: A few years ago I dated a guy for a while who claimed to be a 'model'. To cut a long story short, it turned out his modelling was the adult calender variety but he never told me at the start or our time together. He too was smart, funny and ... (read in full...)
I'm 13 and my mom is threatening to kick me out b/c of my 16 year old bf!
Q. Hiya I am 13 and my mum is threatening to kick me out! i have a bf bout 3 yrs older than me and we had an incident (not sexually) and nows she threatening me and my bf sed he would help me but his mum is trying to keep him away from me. I love ...
A. 14 December 2006: I think your mum is just very worried about you - she has just expressed her concern in a bad way. Parents don't always get it right and what she really means is that she doesn't want you to see him as she thinks you are too young to be dating a 16 ... (read in full...)
He agreed that he wanted marriage, but said he needs time. Now his behavior has changed and I think he might have been playing me!
Q. ihave been dating this guy for 7 months and i love him. he is the man i want to marry. he also told me the same but just want time lately. i have been having mixed feelings about him becoz of how he is been behaving; he has changed. it's like he ...
A. 14 December 2006: I don't know if he is cheating on you or if he is playing you? I do know you aren't ready for marriage with this guy at this time in your life because you already have your doubts and it is much better to resolve them as a single lady rather than as ... (read in full...)
Two months ago he was talking of marriage, but now says he can't see me in his future! How do I cope?
Q. Having a hard time coping. My boyfriend of almost a year broke it off with me. This came as a shock. At first he said that we may get back together. He just couldn't picture spending the rest of his life with me, and he needed time to think. ...
A. 12 December 2006: I would be grateful to have found out what he is like right now if I were you - better you found out he is running hot and cold now than a couple of months into a marriage that was going nowhere. I understand it must be difficult to see him but just ... (read in full...)
My coworker is spreading lies about me around the office and making my life hell!
Q. there is this horrible person at work and she is making my life hell. When i first started to work with this company almost 2yrs ago she clung to me and made out as if she was my best mate, it all started to get a bit scary when she started to copy ...
A. 12 December 2006: She is the office bully and there is one sure thing from what you have already written - she has a very poor view of herself (otherwise why would she want to copy you?). You should realise that in her eyes you are a superior person - this motivates ... (read in full...)
I'm 14 - how do I stop this 'relationship' I'm in?
Q. Okay, im fourteen years old, and me and this boy sam have been mucking around together for the last month. its a secret fling which i loveed, and we would do sexual things to each other. it seemed perfect, none of us got hurt, i liked this other...
A. 12 December 2006: Confusing isn't it? Well people a lot older than you get into this sort of love triangle mess all the time. Fortunately you are learning a lesson here at a really early age so you won't let yourself be used by a boy/man again (hopefully). It saddens ... (read in full...)
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