A
male
 ,
*boy
writes:I am lboys friend and using his account to get my question answeredWell it starts like this.... i am a girl who is 15 and my best mate is a 23 year old lesbian. it is a normal friendship like it would be between sum 1 of my own age. i stay over every weekend and sometimes during the week. it has come to the point where my mum feels that my friend is trying to take over her role.i have noticed that my mum is starting to get rather critical over the way i dress. i will b honest i have always dressed like a boy and my mum never mentioned it befor i started to to my mates.my mum makes me feel very uncomfortable when i ask to go to my friends. how do make her realise that my friend is not trying to take over her role and is just being a good friend? Plz Reply soon.
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female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (22 November 2006):
 1. Spend time with your mother and make her feel included in your life.
2. You are coming to an age of increasing independence and having your own life. I suspect most parents have anxieties about their children growing up...my mother still tries to control me at 35!
3. Your mother may think your older friend maybe leading your astray and into a 20-something lifestyle that you are too young to be experiencing. She may also be worried that your friend will try to start a sexual relationship with you - I am sure this wouldn't happen but I think lots of parents of 15 year old girls would be worried if they had a special friend of 23 who was male or female. There is little you can do about this but maintain trust with your mother - arrive home when you are expected and tell her where you are going. It is usually secretive behaviour that triggers anxiety for parents.
A
female
reader, Jessamy +, writes (22 November 2006):
The only thing I could suggest is to have an honest and straightforward conversation with her about how you both feel about this. You need to find out exactly what is worrying her, and explain to her why she need not feel threatened. Try paying some more attention to your mum- give her a hug, etc, to make sure she knows you still appreciate her. If you think she is concerned that your friend is taking over her role, it may be that she is feeling that she isn't as close to you anymore as she would like to be, and that you are communicating with your friend better than with her. If you make an extra effort to make sure she knows that she is still your number one, she should hopefully feel okay about you seeing your friend, especially once you have set down exactly what the nature of that relationship is. Good luck!
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