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female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: help. ive been with a bloke for nearly 5 years and we have 3 very young children together (17 months and twin 7 months). our relationship started out great but over the past 12 months ive slowly grown out of love with him for many reasons. he has hit me on 5 seperate occasions (twice in front of our 17 month old, he is constantly putting me down and would much rather spend his spare time in the pub than with me and the kids. this weekend i was in a pub and i got chatted up by another man who he sort of knows through work and it felt good. im 26 and feel scared to leave my current bf as i think no one would want me coz i now have 3 kids. this other guy asked me out on a date and i just said to text me as i didnt know what to do. should i leave him for good or is it better to just put up with it for an easier life?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): im so sorry to hear of ur situation. but please for your own sake and that of your children please get out before its too late. I came from an abusive home the last time i saw my father he was chasing my mother down the hall with a butchers knife. Thats when me 4 and my bro 5 called the police at that time. My chilhood was full of fights and arguments and trips to the hospital dont let this be what ur children remember later in life. Be brave hun and do what u know is best for u and ur young children. Just because u have three children doesnt mean nobody will want u of course they will but dont just rush to anybody have time for yourself and the children to get over what has happened. Will be thinking of you good luck love x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2006): I'm in the same situation, but I only have one child with my abuser/obsessive 'boyfriend' - an almost 11-month-old daughter. We both (you and I) know that we have to get out of these relationships in. What's holding us back? Really? The advice you've been given is the same as I, and yet I find it hard to follow. I feel stuck as I'm sure you feel. I hope that you can find the strength to get out as soon as possible. I'm afraid for you, for myself, for anyone in this situation. Although I don't have advice, I suppose I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone... and I sincerely hope that your situation works out for the best - for you and your children. Be strong. ~ Bridgette
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2006): I was in a similar situation, it took me a long time to get out. I had two little kids and nowhere to go, my mam even took his side, something i just cannot forget or forgive! I eventually got away and that was the best day of my life. It is so hard to walk out of the door, but if the house is yours then stay put and get him out. You don't deserve a life like this and don't put up with it. You are much too young for this life of misery! I agree with the other aunts. Anon who said battered people do get killed - Yes i could happen to you and who would look after your children, Please for my sake and your own, get rid of this pig.
Take care
xx
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A
female
reader, lovelikethis +, writes (12 December 2006):
leave him, and do not respond to that other guy. find a safe place because your bf will not just let go. build up your self-worthiness. do something with your life that has nothing to do with relationships, then one day when you least expect it, the man of your dreams will come out of no where. just because you are going to be alone doesn't mean you have to be lonely. love yourself and love your children. if they keep seeing you go through this, they will begin to accept it, and that is not good. either they will treat you like crap, or even worse, they will too get into a destructive relationship. it may be worse than the one you are in. And think about it, you could possibly die from his brutallity, do you really want you kids to go on with out you?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2006): you need to get out of this NOW!!! Not just for you but for your kids too, very soon he'll start abusing your kids too and then they're scarred for life too!! Infact they'd be scarred just by watching you getting hurt!!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2006):
Are you planing your dating stragety or do you feel you need to move on?
You shouldnt been worrying about dating anyone for years and years. And years. Your hands will be quite full trying to be a single mother properly.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (12 December 2006):
 Don't start dating other guys while you are in this abusive relationship - you need time to get over this, focus on your children and restart your life somewhere else. If you don't work on the attitude 'no one will want me...' then you risk entering another abusive relationship in the future. You cannot expect someone else to love you unless you love yourself 100%. What's more, I wouldn't think badly about your children - if you meet a man who doesn't want a relationship with you because you have a family then surely he is not worthy of your attention, or the attention of your children?
I have many years of experience of working in the field of domestic violence and child abuse as I am a psychologist and former social worker. If you don't leave this relationship for yourself then you simply have to for your children. They will grow up with anxiety and will be unable to have normal fulfilling relationships in their adult lives if they have to see domestic violence at home. Don't look for another man as a replacement right now - sure we all love flirting and dating at some times in our lives but you have to be in the right frame of mind to weather the whole thing. You might have to date several men before you find a long term partner and that is not a bad thing. While you are single you can work on your self esteem not to accept violence from a man. By leaving your partner you may actually do him a favour - he maybe forced to address his behaviour through counselling or changing his ways.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2006): 26!! You are much too young for this life of misery. Get out now! While you are still alive, a lot of battered people get killed. You owe it to yourself and your very young family to make a better life for you and them. Get out now.
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