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female
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*aggiemaxwell
writes: i have been with my partner for 5 years and i am 22 years old and he is 37 years old and we have 3 children 2 of them his and 1 not but that was before we met well the problem is that we dont have sex its not his fault he wants to have it but im so tired all the time and i am just not in the mood and he says if we dont have sex soon he will go elsewhere and i dont want that what do you think?
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male
reader, davie  +, writes (21 November 2006):
Firstly, it is wrong of him to give you such an ultimatum. That sort of thing isn't on.
However, he does appear to have a valid complaint. He is obviously really feeling like sex and you are just dismissing him and leaving him to feel frustrated and unwanted. Don't underestimate how bad you could be making him feel by neglecting him like this. If there is no sex in a relationship you may as well call him your housemate and not your partner.
If he is a loving partner he should be able to see how tired you are and work towards helping you so you are not so tired. You yourself may also need to work at being not so tired - especially by making sure you get enough sleep every night.
I have read that sometimes it is a good idea to schedule sex in for a certain time on a certain day. As unspontaneous as it sounds, apparently because you know it is coming up you think about it more and this helps you get in the mood.
You both need to work at making things better. Talk to him about it. Explain you a tired BUT that with his help you want to overcome this.
A
female
reader, marie78 +, writes (20 November 2006):
Well, he shoul;dn't be threatening you. However, you should think about the reasons as to why you're tired. If it's because you're looking after the children, then ask for his help. tell him that if he wants an active lover, he'll need to take more responsibility with the children and engage in some of the chores. Now, you should be happy that your husband still wants to have sex with only you and no other woman, so by GOD, pull yourself up to having sex with him. Maybe you should initiate sex on the days that you're feeling frisky or give him a great blow job that only requires your mouth and hands. That way, he'll get what he wants. Don't be too tired for a man who loves you and still finds you seually attractive! Men like that ar ehard to come by; however, his threats about going to another woman are inexcusable. Tell him that!
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (20 November 2006):
 I think there are two problems here:
1. You are too tired all the time: kids can be exhausting but maybe you are feeling depressed or not into the relationship anymore. Try to work out why you are tired and work on that for your own benefit, and not his pleasure.
2. He is hardly being a supportive partner. If he does 'go elsewhere' then you didn't have a proper relationship to begin with in my view. Lets face it, there is more to a serious relationship than sex. I accept it is a component but when you have a life together based around children etc then it must be very hurtful to hear his threats. You should explain to him how you feel and explain that if he helped you out a bit more at home (or in whatever ways you think may help) then it may make you more open to his needs too. Don't give in to his threats though - it will not put you in the mood for what he wants! Try to compromise if you want to save the relationship.
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