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female
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*onfussedinlove
writes: me and my partner have been together for 1 year and 2 months and it was love at first sight, but he always has thing about lieing to me or like he says he doesnt want to hurt me so he keeps it from me, it always has to do with money problems and he has a problem with money. i love him and we are supposed to get married in a month but im scared of our future and how many times he has hurt me. i dont know what to do? is it my fault? am i not good enough? i love him and i cant lose him HELP
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female
reader, Cupid243 +, writes (17 November 2006):
You need to talk about the money problems. Marriage is not the solution to money trouble. It's also the number one reason for divorce. You have to be able to trust him in order for the marriage to work and last. You should wait a while before marriage. Clearly, he's not ready either. You both should seek counseling.
Good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2006): I think you need to put the wedding back a few months. You should let him know that he has to be honest about everything. If there are money problems then you have to face them together. Nothing is unconquerable. But he has to be upfront and let you know what is going on. I moved in with someone with extreme money problem, we had a child and the whole situation dragged me down. We did eventually split up. I wish we had had THAT talk before i moved in. Think very seriously about how you feel right now. Do you feel good. No. You should be skipping through air if you two are going to be married and spend the rest of your lives together. Tread carefully, we are only on this planet once. Do take care and don't be forced into marriage. You have a right to put it back or even off. xx
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (17 November 2006):
 You are having pre-marital jitters which is normal. However, I think you have every right to worry about this guy. You haven't know him that long and his track record is not great. It is a sad fact that you will inherit the responsibility of his debts with the marriage, and if the marriage fails in the future then his ability to support any children you have maybe an issue to consider. Furthermore, as soon as you marry you will be taking financial responsibility for him. You should both see a debt counsellor together asap and make a plan to get out of debt. If you have property and assets then you might wish to consider a pre-nuptial agreement to protect yourself (depending on the legal validity of it where you are). You have to accept that in marrying him then you risk bailiffs knocking your door down in the future to march off with the tv etc to pay off his debts. I cannot tell you to marry this guy or not - that is your decision - but in your shoes, I would delay the marriage until a debt management plan has been put into place and you have seen evidence that he sticking to it and not telling more lies. If he fails to do this then it is a mark of his commitment, maturity and what sort of future husband he will be - marriage is about more than love and hearts, it is about a shared financial commitment too. good luck!
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