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female
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anonymous
writes: I'm 15 years old and i've fallen in love with my cousins 25 year old husband. and he loves me too. i know it is crazy, but i can't help who i love. i've known him my entire life, and we've always been really good friends. he started his divorce in june of this year, and me and him started our relationship. he is still not divorced, i kinda think he is lying to me about it. and my mothers family found out and they got the police involved. they told me it either ends or he goes to jail. but i talked to him and he says nothing has changed and he still loves me dearly. i don't know what to do!! i'm crazy about him, but i'm only 15 and i don't know if i can handle all this. please help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2006): Hi Miss 15yrs old.!!! Try to think as if you were a 25yr old guy that is married. If he can have you on the side, how great is that. The fact that you are his wife's cousin is great for him cause everyone will keep the secret for him. Don't think that he will ever truly love you, he doesn't even love his wife. By the way, what has he done to prove his love for you. Has he gotten the whole family together to tell them how he feels about you? Has he given up anything valuable in return for crying to all the winds his undying love for you? He will make you believe that he loves you in an attempt to get into your pants. Don't you love yourself more than that. Why not be the most important person in someone else's life instead of being the hidden sin of a married man. By the way that is illegal. You have to know that thanks to you, he will go to jail if your family finds out. I don't know if you believe in God or not, but I know that this is also a sin. You and Him seem like very selfish people to put so much hurt on your families. A relationship that begins under such terrible building blocks is sure to fall and when it does, you would have lost a family that loves you and your future that you never got to discover, thanks to this jerk. My advice, make a choice. A strong choice to confess all that you have done and then ask for forgiveness. If your family loves you, they will understand that you made a mistake and they will be ready to forgive you. If it takes them a little while thats ok. I know from a man's point of view that this man is worthless if he does this type of thing. I pray that you will make the right choice for your own good and God will help you every step of the way. On those days that you will miss him, be honest and tell your mom that you need a little bit of extra love that day and after a while you won't even thing about him anymore. Here to help & good luck.!!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2006): I'm 21, so I still remember 15. Your feelings are intense as hell, and chances are you have very strong opinions about what love is. Mine were that if you love someone, nothing can get in your way, that it will have to work out somehow. I also believed that there everyone was fated to be with a single perfect match, and that once you found them, that was it. Now, my advice to you would be that this isn't the case. First, a relationship needs more than just love to keep it going. It needs commitment, trust, understanding, and common ground. Sometimes you can love someone like hell, but it just won't be enough to keep the relationship going. It was that way with my brother. He was intensely in love with someone, had been for a long time, but despite that they weren't right for each other; they fought all the time. Eventually, they broke up, he's now with someone else, and he's HAPPY with her. Which brings me to my next point- just because you love him, doesn't mean you're fated to be together. You WILL have more than one love in your life, there is more than one possibility. You'll find someone you can love and be with, but it will likely take a few years and a lot of different experiences before you do. Enjoy your youth.
I reckon things would be very messy between you if you decide to go with him, and I don't think it's worth it. If he loves you, he won't stay with you at this stage, he'll let you get some life experience first. in another 7 years, or eve five, a ten year age difference won't be such a big deal, but right now, it's huge! I'm sorry to say it, but it could never be an equal relationship. It is also illegal on his part- at least in Australia, where I live, it wouldn't be legal until you are 18. He could get in very serious trouble. Lastly, I don't know this guy, but the fact that he's said he's leaving his wife but hasn't suggests that he might be playing you. So please watch out for yourself. It's okay to let some loves go by.
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female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (20 November 2006):
 I realise that you will be thinking this man is everything at the moment, but you really have to think calmly and rationally about this. From the sounds of things, the marital breakup is not amicable so it must be potentially embarrassing for your parents if they are in contact with your cousin. This guy is older than you - I am not against age-gap relationships but you are just 15, you have a world to see and lots of people to meet in your future. You think he is exciting now because you are 15 but in a few years time then you will see things differently maybe. As a grown man he has stepped over the line of decency in two ways (a) you are a minor in the eyes of the law and (c) you are in his family. I know you are not blood-related but it must be a cruel blow to his wife to discover all this...surely you understand that he cannot be a very nice guy? Say you pair hooked up properly - how could you ever trust him? You already have your doubts and he did start a fling with you when he was married to someone else...ok I guess he was separated but it doesn't sound like anything was clear cut. How can you be sure he is really into you and not using you as 'rebound girl' to nurse his bruised ego and to revenge his wife. I think your family have a right to be concerned but I also understand that there is something exciting about 'forbidden love'. This guy is not being mature but you can show exceptional maturity for your age by saying to him that you wish to continue the relationship when he is divorced and when it is all legal. My guess is that by that time, you both will have moved on with your lives but it would be a good test of the genuineness of his feelings for you don't you think?
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A
male
reader, AR +, writes (20 November 2006):
like you said, your only 15. when i was 15, i didnt know what love was. it took a few relationships and a whole lot of heartache to realize what unconditional love is. i am not going to say that you dont love him. but from what i see he is manipulating you. telling you stuff you want to hear. making you feel special. i know you probably dont want to hear this but the best thing is to lose communication with him. this is not a healthy relationship. anyone will tell you that. and sometimes we have to face reality no matter how much it hurts.
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