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female
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anonymous
writes: Feel as though my whole life is slipping through my fingers. I'm 16, and 4 months ago I was perfectly happy. I had an amazing boyfriend who I loved to death and loved me too, I had a great social life, making new friends every day and keeping good relationships with old ones, I'd finished my exams in which I got fantastic grades, and I was really happy.In September I started college, one of the top colleges in the country. I hated it, and as a result I was unhappy. My relationship with my boyfriend deteriorated and a month later it was over, so I had no one to get me through my day anymore, and no one to love. I spoke to my tutor about how I'm not enjoying college, but he was no help at all, he just told me to stick at it, it'll get better. My mum has no sympathy for me anymore, it seems there's only so many times I can come home from college crying before she stops caring, she says it's getting old. Because I'm miserable when I'm at college I find myself pushing all my friends away, snapping at them and insulting them without even realising it, and I often find out that someone's had a party or a get-together that I wasn't invited to. I can't quit college because I need these A levels and the other colleges in the area are more for specialist courses rather than A levels, and as I'm not sure what I want to do as an occupation I can't do just one subject as I need to keep my options open. Anyway, I hate quitting because it makes me feel like a failure. My cousin is the same age as me and at the same college, and she's quitting. I'm the only person in the family who hasn't screwed up their education yet, and I'm really feeling the pressure.My ex boyfriend has started talking to me again online and it makes me happy to interact with him, as he is one of the only things that can still make me smile. I want to be with him again, but although he flirts with me he's told me that he promised himself he wouldn't get back together with me, because we've had an on/off relationship for a year I think he's just trying to move on for once. Being with him again would make everything more bearable as he can make me smile however sad I am, but if he doesn't want me then there's nothing I can do.I've never felt so low in all my life, and I just can't see a way out. Please help me.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 November 2006): I agree with the other posters. Hard as it is, you are only 16 and have your whole life ahead of you! I would check with a doctor as to the possibility you could be clinically depressed. If you are, the good news is there is help for you. If you are not clinically depressed, I would recommend you find a counsellor with whom you can talk about all these things, and whose judgement you trust and feel comfortable with.
You can not rely on your former boyfriend to supply what you are lacking in life! That's not his job, you know, even if he was willing to give you emotional support.
You said it was an on-again, off-again relationship, and he is not willing to try once more. You have to respect that, and recognize that although you are very fond of him, there evidently were serious issues, or you wouldn't have split to begin with.
You really have to work on loving YOURSELF. No one person, mother, father, friends, boyfriends, can ever completely fill our inner need for love and security and joy. That has to come from a higher source (God, or a Higher Power). You have to recognize (in your gut and heart as well as in your mind) your value as the woman you are, and take the time to get to know YOU, and enjoy spending time alone with yourself. This is where a good counsellor comes in. My hope for you is that when you can get this all together, you'll once again be able to enjoy an active social life, feel better about being at college and doing well with your studies, and also enjoy whatever friendship your ex feels comfortable offering, if any.
And, you know what? Even if he doesn't, there are still plenty of fish in the sea! You have a lot of time to meet a young man you will be happy with (and who will love you back) without feeling absolutely dependent on any boyfriend to fill all your needs for love and companionship. You will have grown toward becoming a confident, strong, independent young woman.
A
female
reader, Sorcha +, writes (17 November 2006):
aw god love you. my heart goes out to you.
alot of people will probably say this to you...you're only young. I dont mean that to be condescending because I myself am not long out of school. I felt the pressure when i was in school too, I wanted to do everyone proud and go to uni. In the end I did up to my A Levels and then went and got a job. I'm better of now than some people who went to uni. Do what you want, its your life. Sure try to keep the peace at home etc, but think honestly if you can do the whole college thing. Your only 16 so mayb see out the year and decide next year what you want and what way you feel...
As for your fella, i'm telling you something...i held on and held on to a fella because i didnt want to let go, and i got hurt more in the end. You go and do your thing, and if you's are meant to be together you's will be. Only time will tell, as with most things. Your only 16 and you have a whole life ahead of you, good luck xxx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (17 November 2006):
 My hearts goes right out to you for one reason - you sound just like I was at 16! Everything is in black and white at that age...trust me, things will get better with age. I rather suspect you have clinical depression although you would need to get to a doctor to have that diagnosed. It is surprisingly common amongst teens these days and would explain all that crying, misery and snapping at people. It is also highly treatable which is the good news. I guess there must be a school nurse or counsellor at your college so ask them for help. College tutors are not always trained in psychosocial guidance of pupils so they can be clueless. If not, go to your GP and ask for help. You cannot rely on your ex as a crutch for your life problems and if your parents are no help then find someone like a counsellor in your community to talk to. I think you ought to stick at your education, but if things get really bad then there is no crime in taking a year out. It is ok not to know what you want to do when you are older at 16 - it took me until I was 32 to figure it all out...and I still have my doubts!!! It is easy for depressed people to fall into a trap of feeling sorry for themselves and being victims of their own mood - you pick up on things like not being invited to social events because it feeds you feelings of depression. It is braver to take some action now to stop this all taking over your life. I work in child and adolescent mental health services so I can tell you that there is a great deal you can do to help yourself - asking for help from a professional is an important first step. If your GP brushes you off then seek out community mental health services in your community; just ask your GP for help and write down everything you want to say before your appointment in case your mind goes blank. I hope you are feeling better soon!
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A
female
reader, heartbrokenxx +, writes (17 November 2006):
 i find myself that i was in a similar situation to you a week ago. Me and my boyfriend were attached at the hip we were on n off for about a year and 6 months and we loveed each other heaps. we've been over for the past 3 weeks and these passing days have been the greatest.. I think it's best that you keep bein friends with him but also try to confide in someone else in the mean time. He could really mean that he doesnt want to get back together and you dont want to dwell on the fact that you may. If you're friends your happy talking, your in contact with him just incase he may change his mind. And maybe bein friends with him you can still see him and maintain a good relationship out side of love.
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