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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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He has money problems! Should I marry him?
Q. me and my partner have been together for 1 year and 2 months and it was love at first sight, but he always has thing about lieing to me or like he says he doesnt want to hurt me so he keeps it from me, it always has to do with money problems and he ...
A. 17 November 2006: You are having pre-marital jitters which is normal. However, I think you have every right to worry about this guy. You haven't know him that long and his track record is not great. It is a sad fact that you will inherit the responsibility of his ... (read in full...)
I like my best friends counsin, is that weird?
Q. hi well i'm 12 and i like this guy but he smokes and i don't like that.hes my best friends cousin and sometimes when shes over there she smokes with him and i hate it when someone smokes but shes my best friend and i really like this guy and also i ...
A. 17 November 2006: Ok, you are 12 and a wise young lady - smoking is disgusting. There is nothing wrong with 'dating' your mate's cousin in principle, although at 12 I would rather hope you wouldn't be contemplating anything too serious and that this guy is around ... (read in full...)
I love this guy who I began dating 2 weeks ago..but he lies all the time! What should I do?
Q. We started dating almost 2 weeks ago. He lies about the dumbest things but then i caught him lieing about liking this other girl before we dated. I don't care who he liked in the past but he shouldn't lie. Last night when i was in the shower, he was ...
A. 17 November 2006: Basically you cannot change another person or control what they do or say. Although I can understand why you are angry and frustrated with this guy, you really ought to feel sorry for him...that is no excuse for his behaviour but understanding him a ... (read in full...)
My step sister exposed her breasts to me! She has never done anything like this before! What does this mean?
Q. The other day when me and my step sister were at home alone she took a shower, to my surprise she came out wearing only tight panties, her breast and everything else were revealed to me she has never done anything like this before, What does this...
A. 17 November 2006: I think it means one of two things:
(a) You are a paedophile posting inappropriate messages on this board for your personal entertainment purposes.
OR
(b) your sister is a troubled young woman and you need to tell your mother to have a wo... (read in full...)
We've been online dating for 8 months and he wants me to 'conceive' when he comes in December! Should I just stop all this?
Q. Hi,i have been dating a man online for the past 8 months,we planned a lot about our future including starting a family, the problem is he always keep on chatting with other women online and another thing he lives miles away from where i do but ...
A. 17 November 2006: The guy is crackers and you need to run away, fast....I have never heard of anything so bizarre in my life. You may feel you 'know' this guy but you only know his online persona...starting a family with someone is a HUGE life decision and it is a ... (read in full...)
We're both in bad marriages and cheating on our spouses, but I'm not sure of his true feelings...
Q. I am married and also in a relationship with a married man. Our spouses are very much alike, so we can relate to each other. We are both in bad marriages, but do not want to punish our children by divorce. This has been going on over 2 years. I am ...
A. 17 November 2006: This is a 'relationship' founded on lies and more lies...and the sad truth is that the person telling most lies is you...you are lying to yourself about this affair and trying to make it something it really isn't. You say his wife is the jealous ... (read in full...)
I have a crush on an employee of a rival company!
Q. I am a successful hard-working journalist but I have gotten a hopeless crush on a rival at another paper. He's so hunky and in the newspaper there's lots of photos of him wearing a nice scarf standing by a bus stop. If I ever went out with h...
A. 17 November 2006: You are hard working and successful at your job so I would keep your crush to yourself...I am sure you know how office gossip spreads like wild-fire. It doesn't sound like you know this guy too well and he may have a personality like a brick so stop ... (read in full...)
my parents are not talking, any tips
Q. My parents had a terrible quarrel that menat saying awful nasty things regarding dead realtives etc... htey almost hit each other and I had to intervene I feel awful today they have not talked to each other as my dad stormed out to our country hut ...
A. 16 November 2006: Couples argue sometimes and it can be difficult as a child not to get emotionally upset when your parents have rows. However, my parents used to have stinking bust ups followed by weeks of silence and note-passing...ridiculously childish but there ... (read in full...)
During my period I think about partying w/out him; off my period I'm so in love w/ him! What's wrong with me??!!
Q. I love my boyfriend dearly, i really do, but at some times of the month - usually mid to late cycle he reall irritates me, and when he's not with me I am constantly thinking about going out with my mates and i fantasise about dancing and flirting ...
A. 16 November 2006: Premenstral tension would be a first guess...lots of women get wound up as their period is close and feel strange about lots of things. I know I could cheerfully strangle my husband before that time! Some women find that they get strange bursts of ... (read in full...)
I met this girl at a party and fell in love but she doesn't want me!
Q. Hey aunt! ok here it is! well i met this girl at a party and we hit it off straight away sparks were flying the chemistry was there, i met up with her and we went shopping. It was realy good, i felt in love wid her but knew she didnt want anything, ...
A. 16 November 2006: You have got to calm down for a start! YOu don't love her but you just have a crush on her - to love someone you have to know then really well and for a while. Learn some lessons from this experience - you posted comments on an internet site; lots ... (read in full...)
can a tampn break your hymen?
Q. hi surly a tampon can break your hymen as it must go bup about 5 inchs! and arnt most mens penis only abit bigger???...
A. 16 November 2006: Tampon's can 'technically' break your hymen but lots of other non-sexual things too - many girls lose theirs doing sport or horse-riding for example. Try not to worry!... (read in full...)
Got married despite my online lover telling me to stop... 10 years later we're still in touch and now my husband is taking me on holiday to where he lives!
Q. I have a problem with my life right now. I am married and have been with my husband for over 10 years. I love him alot and there is nothing that I wouldn't do for him. While we were separated, I was chatting on-line with someone far away. I ...
A. 16 November 2006: You don't love him because you haven't had a relationship based in the real world with this guy. He could be very different from the person you think he is and honestly this comes down to integrity - if he is trying to stop your wedding and you ... (read in full...)
My married lover won't commit. Should I end it?
Q. Hi, I am 38. Divorced in September, I have been in a relationship with a married man for 19 mths. His wife knows about me since last Aug. The relationship has gone thru many hardships and many good times. I have walked away a few times during the ...
A. 16 November 2006: You cannot be 'friends' with this guy...you were lovers before. He is obviously not a nice guy - it sounds like he is in an abusive marriage and is abusing you at least verbally (...getting angry when his needs are not met is emotional abuse). I am ... (read in full...)
He pulled out but then we had sex again! How can I prevent pregnancy?
Q. Hey im 15 yrs old turning 16 today I had sex for the first time! It did'nt last long but he didnt have a condom and he pulled out and he wiped it off and put it back in. It was only like a 10 min thing. But I have one more week until my next period ...
A. 16 November 2006: By the time you have missed your next period it is kind of a tiny bit too late to do anything to prevent pregnancy. Within 72 hours you can take the emergency contraceptive pill and for up to 5 days afterwards you can have a uterine coil fitted to ... (read in full...)
My wife had an affair and I went to therapy. It didn't work so I had strings of affairs since. What's next?
Q. Married 7 years have 2 kids. Wife cheated in 1st year of marriage. Tried to deal. Can't deal. Been 2 therapy (couples and single off an on over that time)Have had strings of affairs since. Met a woman I feel is pretty damn suited 2 me. Still ...
A. 16 November 2006: Why not have a break from the wife + mistress and sort your head out on your own. With all these things going on in your life you haven't got the time to focus on what you want or need. It sounds like your marriage failed a while ago so walk away as ... (read in full...)
I like this guy but his cheating ex wants him back
Q. There is a guy Tim that I have come to like in my art class. He is artistic, funny, sweet and athletic. The thing is, his ex. She cheated on him so they broke up and he was very hurt by it (as he should have been.)Then they started hugging in the ...
A. 16 November 2006: You should sit back and wait to see what happens. It is better to just watch and see than dive in there and get mixed up in a mess between him and his 'ex'. Maybe he still has a thing about her and you don't want to be his rebound girl, or someone ... (read in full...)
My ex and I are more than sex buddies, but now she's kissing another guy! I don't know what to do.
Q. Hey there everyone, just wondering if anyone can shed some light, or give advice on the situation i am in. I was seeing a girl for just over 2 years, everything was perfect as it usually is, best years of our life, and now i dont know what the hell...
A. 16 November 2006: I honestly think she should cry when you tell her how you feel! You sound like a nice person but you have to say enough is enough. You are not going to get the full package relationship with this girl that you want and you are settling for ... (read in full...)
I'm seeing him tonight and I'm so nervous! How do I boost my confidence?
Q. I am falling for someone who i used to work with, we see each other a lot in the evenings and he told me the other day that he has always wanted me. I am seeing him tonight and I am so nervous. What can I do to be more confident? I had a four ...
A. 16 November 2006: It is ok to feel a bit jittery before a 'first date' as that is perfectly normal. Take it easy with this guy not to get too involved until you know what he means by 'wanted'...that could mean he wants a relationship with you or it could mean he is ... (read in full...)
My 3 year old is afraid of monsters in his room and has started wetting the bed! Need advice!
Q. i have a 3 year old son, who has been dry day and night over a year,recently he has been afraid to go to bed saying that their are monsters and ghosts in his bedroom.this all started when the fireworks began. i have tried to reassure him but this ...
A. 5 November 2006: You need to buy a night-light for his room as he may just be going through a phase of being afraid of the dark. If he wakes up after a bad dream and a low-light is on then it can be reassuring.... (read in full...)
My Mother is nice but she drags me down, at times. What should I do?
Q. My mother is so lovely and nice but sometimes when I talk with her about friends or how I deal with certain situations she keeps asking me the exact words I said or how did I do it when talking with someone and then passes critics on me supposing it ...
A. 5 November 2006: There is a very simple way to deal with this situation. Don't talk to your mother about your relationships with other people - I know it is tempting but I have a similar relationship with my 'lovely' mother. Don't tell her emotionally sensitive ... (read in full...)
The boys tell me I am ugly! What can I do to make myself pretty?
Q. dear cupid i am 14 years old and quite shy all the boys say im ugly and take the mik out of me because of what i look like it really upsets me i dont know what to do to make myself pretty im not as ugly as they say but i cant get a boyfriend all my ...
A. 5 November 2006: You are not ugly...the boys are...they are feeling insecure and feel that the only way to make themselves feel better is to lash out at the unobtainable opposite sex. I wasn't looking my best at 14...few people do with all those hormones taking ... (read in full...)
coffee on teh first date...but why is he too cheap to take me to dinner for a 2nd date. Should I ask him?
Q. I'm going on my second date with a man that I met on-line (we are both middle-aged). We met for coffee on our first date. However, we are going out for dessert on our second date. He is quite comfortable financially as he owns a home, is a ...
A. 5 November 2006: Don't over-analyse the situation - it is a second date and not a second year of dating...internet dating can lead you into a sense that you are on familiar terms with someone who is technically a stranger. I think coffee dates are the new dinner ... (read in full...)
My bf acts and may have to kiss on stage. How should I react?
Q. im in a loving relationship with a guy thats really passionate about life, music, drama ect.he studies drama at uni,we've been together for 2 years now, i really love him.the thing is im insecure about the people/girls he have to work with. The get ...
A. 5 November 2006: You just have to take a deep breath, realise he is dating you and learn to trust the guy. Basically if he was going to cheat then he wouldn't need to be on a stage with an actress...he would be out sneaking off with ladies in bars etc. You cannot ... (read in full...)
How can I tell my dad that my bf is 28? I am only 18!
Q. i am 18 and my boyfriend is 28. i know it is a large difference but im so in love, he is everything i want in a partner but the problem is my father is going to be so angry when i tell him. we have been together 2 months now, but i know my father ...
A. 5 November 2006: My parents don't approve of my age-gap marriage so you have my sympathies! All I would suggest is to be open and honest - it is a sign to your father that you are indeed mature enough to handle the relationship. His anger will just be his way of ... (read in full...)
Trying hard to avoid a crush at work as I'm married with kids! Any advice ?
Q. Hi there. I'm A happily married man. I dearly love my wife and we have 2 beautiful children. We are together since we were 16 and have never had any other partners. However I have got this wee crush on another Woman in work. I know its a non r...
A. 4 November 2006: Dont discuss it with her - it maybe construed by her as sexual harrassment in the workplace and trigger all sorts of trouble for you. You sound like a sensible person so you just have to remind yourself of the implications of acting on any feelings. ... (read in full...)
Is he being selfish or really doesn't like my friends?
Q. hi this may seem silly but it hurts me. the thing is my friends invite me and my bf out everytime they are going out and when i ask my bf if he wants to go out he always makes up an excuse like on sat there. my friends had arranged to go for a night ...
A. 31 October 2006: There could be all sorts of reasons why he avoids your friends and he may not tell you if he dislikes them. Personally I don't like some of my husband's friends and opt out of nights out when they are going to be around. However, he knows how I feel ... (read in full...)
Does a girl prefer cuddle or kisses?
Q. Hi everyone just wondering if your spending time with a girl does she prefer cuddle or kisses?...
A. 31 October 2006: ...she prefers to be asked what she prefers. Everyone is different!... (read in full...)
Is this question is a hoax or not??
Q. Hi there, How can you be certain a question is a hoax or not?? I've seen a question posted, then it disappeared a few hours later. Thanks, Alex...
A. 31 October 2006: Moderators read the questions posted on this website and use their own judgement about whether to allow each question to go on the website. Of course there will be individual differences in how moderators judge questions. However, some questions ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has started to drink more and more, should I be concerned ??
Q. My boyfriend likes a beer but has started having 2 and 3 beers every night. Is this normal or should I be concerned?...
A. 31 October 2006: Some people drink to relax after work but it becomes a bad habit. I think you have a right to be concerned as he is drinking over the recommended alcohol limit per week for a man. The best thing you can do is to watch his intake - he may not be ... (read in full...)
How do I cope with snoopy relatives?
Q. I have noticed that some relatives try to snoop in my personal life, and get into things that are absolutely none of their business. I don't hate them, but I don't want them interfering in my private life. I am an adult and I need some privacy....
A. 29 October 2006: Your snoopy relatives are a bit bored if all they have to do with their time is comment on your personal life. However, you are in control here - if you want privacy, lock things away, have telephone conversations out of the way of an audience, ... (read in full...)
My wife's sister is seducing me
Q. my wife's sister seducing me for long time now,she is older than my wife(32),more cute and very nice french body,she is visiting us regullary,and spend some nights and days with us,and her mum too.going to the beach,hotels,swimming pools with us,she ...
A. 29 October 2006: Stop your fantasies over this woman and start to realise that she is a bitter, sad, lonely person who is hell bent on causing trouble in her sisters marriage. If she had a good life of her own then she wouldn't be too bothered about destroying her ... (read in full...)
All we do revolves around sex
Q. I am 'meeting' up with this older guy (31) we met a year ago (i am 18) but all we do revolves around sex. We meet up every couple of monthes when he is working near me, he'll call me when he is horny to talk about sex we never had a proper ...
A. 29 October 2006: If this was going anywhere you pair would already be in a relationship. He only calls you when he is in the area and after sex - it doesn't seem like he makes special trips to see you and men do that when they are into you. If you are happy with no ... (read in full...)
I'm pregnant and I'm a minor. My 20 yr old bf wants to help but my Mother wants to take this to court!
Q. im 16, pregnant by my 20 yr old boyfriend. hes assuming resposibility and wants to move in with me, but my mom's really protective and wants to take this to court because im still a minor? would me and my bf get in trouble? by the way i live in ...
A. 29 October 2006: Technically he can be prosecuted for statutory rape of a minor but the courts would be prepared to hear both sides of the story. You cannot stop your mother pursuing court action and I suppose most parents would be unhappy about the situation. ... (read in full...)
My Mom as this annoying way of comparing her figure to mine! What should I do?
Q. My mum and I have very different figures, she's got a small bum, and thin legs, and no chest, whereas I've got a large bum and larger thighs, small waist and large bust. However, I'm happy with my body. I like having a more womanly shape, however my ...
A. 29 October 2006: Your mother is getting older and she sees you having developed from a child into a beautiful young woman. She probably feels a little envy. Perhaps the best way to handle things is to make a bit of a joke about the whole thing - if she makes ... (read in full...)
Opinions please .... I'm 14 and he's 15 and we are getting to 3rd base!!!
Q. okay, wat is everyone's oppinion on this, me n my bf av been together for 6 months, he is 15 n im almost 14, we trust each other n he really loves me n i love him more than anything.i av gone to 3rd base with him (sucked him off) n he has gone to ...
A. 29 October 2006: Sexual performance anxiety at 14 is not a good thing but it is normal because emotionally you are just not ready for doing the things you have been up to - your body maybe but the brain has some catching up to do. I am not going to give you 'sex ... (read in full...)
I have fallen for my boss....he's got a girlfriend and I don't want to spoil the working relationship!!!
Q. I have been working for a company for four months and we all took part in teambuilding and activities together.Since then I have had a crush on the boss.He's really nice to me and is always concerned if I'm ill.there isnt a huge age gap but he has a ...
A. 29 October 2006: You have to get those feelings under control as you are heading for career suicide. You have a couple of choices. Firstly, you can try to find another job in another company if you really feel you cannot keep this a secret and avoid the guy in the ... (read in full...)
Is kissing classed as cheating?
Q. Dear Cupids, If you are in a relationship do you see kissing someone else as cheating??...
A. 27 October 2006: Agree with stina - it depends on the motivation behind the kiss really.... (read in full...)
What's the difference between HSV 1 (cold sores) and HSV 2 (genital herpes)?
Q. Hi. I have a question about the herpes virus. I know that HSV 1(also known as cold sores) is generally located on the face, oral muscosa and sometimes nose, while HSV 2 is located in the genital region and is sexually transmitted. If a person with ...
A. 27 October 2006: http://herpesonline.org/hsv1vs2.html
You should read the above link, it tells you all you need to know.... (read in full...)
He treats me like crap! What should I do/
Q. My boyf is changing..its been 3yrs...and jus bcuz ive been there wid him thru thick n thin, he thinks its ok to treat me like crap. he yells at me.. dusnt matter where we are...he makes me feel low..and wat drivez me crazy is that at one point i was ...
A. 27 October 2006: This guy isn't treating you badly, you are letting him treat you badly. There is only one way to improve your life right now and that is to dump him. 3 years and clinging to hope of better times isn't going to work; you are in an abusive ... (read in full...)
He is married and and he keeps flirting and touching me!
Q. I have been letting a married man touch me for the past 3 years. He is 29 years old, married, and has 3 children. I honestly try to make a good effort and tell him to stop, but I can't. When he starts touching me, it feels good that I can't say no. ...
A. 27 October 2006: You are addicted to the thrill of the situation. Unfortunately this is a lose-lose situation for everyone concerned. The guy is a sleeze if he is touching you when (a) he is married and (b) there is an audience. I feel sorry for his wife but ... (read in full...)
He tells me he has no money... but I found out he's been spending it all on eBay!
Q. hello, i'm 31. have been with my guy for over 7 years. he is an apprentice solicitor about to qualify in december. for all these years i was the one to pay for the holidays of which there were many including 3 trips to the states.his money has gone...
A. 27 October 2006: I think this guy is taking advantage of your generous spirit. It is ok to carry each other through hard times but if he keeps promising things and then backing out (like the engagement ring) it sounds like he is stringing you along for your cheque ... (read in full...)
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