A
male
age
,
*alk2me
writes:Nothing is ever simple..We are a male couple of 45 and 37, we have been together for 10 years.We are your non- scene couple who have little/few friends, ironically mostly straight.We both work long hard hours and find spare time a premium, however we do enjoy our hoildays and make as much of them as possible.The issue.. partner (37) has a lower sex drive than me, (possibly down to tiredness and work ), this we have come to terms with and sex is about once every 7-14 days. This is not the main issue , partner has always liked the thought/act of group sex/threesomes, myself, I can take or leave it, mostly leave it. I believe , that if it should happen ,(and it does occasionally once/twice a year, that it should be what it is a bit of fun with consenting adults, a one off, because of all the well known pit falls that come with these activities. Partner however wishes them to become friends, for more regular sessions.Dilemma .. We are happy and plan to have a civil partnership soon.. but what about these '3somes', if I turn a blind eye does he stray or do I put up with it and have more 3somes to keep him happy.. know the usual stuff like my own insecurities, etc and keeping him happy not me.., and yes I don't mind the occassional bit of fun..but where is the compromise..
View related questions:
sex drive, threesome Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Dr. Mark  +, writes (13 April 2007):
You know what, you can't predict the future, and abstaining or consenting can both lead to divorce. If you enjoy the fun occassionally, then that is the compromise: Do it occassionally. If you don't want to do it, and it makes you uncomfortable, then don't. You are in a different situation than some of the others on here seeking threesomes, in that you have already been having them. You cannot however, agree that you will keep doing this 2 or 3 or more years down the road. You don't know how you will feel then. I think you really just need to talk about it, and let him know that there are no guarantees. Also let him know how you feel about cheating, and that you are not prepared to tolerate it.
A
male
reader, talk2me +, writes (10 April 2007):
talk2me is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the reply..I'll answer as best i can..1.Civil Partnership..this is something we have only been talking about, neither of us are sure about the 'marriage ' bit but for security and various safety nets , we think it sensible.( we jointly own 2 homes) After 10 years together, and being best of friends , apart from this one issue, we have no real worries.3somes...they happen in frequently, and usually on my say so ( i'm not a control freak)_my main issue is , if we were to have more , say 4-5 a year is it right to make these people 'friends' or just one offs. sorry to be so blunt and blaise about it, but we are very realistic and have lived in this so called 'gay world' long enough to see what happens
...............................
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (10 April 2007):
 A college friend of mine entered a gay marriage in the same circumstances as you describe. They agreed to the open relationship thing at the start but I can honestly say it drove a huge wedge between them in the end and led to divorce and much bitterness on both sides. My advice to you is simply to get this ironed out before your ceremony as if you are unhappy with it now, it will get worse with time. You need to communicate clearly to him that you are not really into this scene (or the degree that you are) as one of the terms of your marital union. He has a right to know how you feel before hand. If you think it would give him grounds to cheat in the future then should you really be contemplating a commitment to such a person?
...............................
|
