A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, so this is a kind of "backwards" question it seems for this site.. but..I'm 16 and my teacher is 33... it seems as if he's more or less attracted to me.. so let me start from the very beginning:About a month into the school year, I was in class crying and I didn't really answer any questions, when usually I was the only student who knew what was going on.. so at the end of the class he asked me what was wrong, and I told him simply "My boyfriend.." and he said "Oh.. come into the ISS room 5th period if you want to talk." so I did.. because I was upset. I explained to him the fact that we had begin together for 10 months, it'd be a year on my birthday.. but he lied to me and cheated on me.. so the teacher was trying to be funny and just told me some stupid stuff like where he met his wife and about his son and stuff..So.. about a week later, I figured I'd give him an update on the situation and I told him that it was over between me and my boyfriend, and that he thought then, it would be fun to call and harass me and complain that I didn't trust him... to which the teacher responded with a hug and he said "I'm sorry.."Then, about a week before Christmas I arrived in class and, not crying, I seemed upset and I said nothing to anybody. I just sat there and stared at the ground and he asked what was wrong later.. and I told him nothing, but he pryed so I explained that my dads an alcoholic and he stole the Christmas money my mom had saved up.. and I made him promise not to go to the guidance office.. and he didn't.. instead he told me that he understood perfectly, that his wife was a lot like me.. and she grew up with a drunken dad.After Christmas break, it seemed like he got a little braver.. and he'd stare at me and lock eyes with me and I'd have to turn away.. he'd call on me and everything, even when others knew answers. At one point, he touched my back and then rubbed it.Then, he just recently asked if I had a boyfriend now and said "Oh, I'm sure you'll stumble upon someone who really understands and appreciates you, maybe not someone that you or anyone else would suspect..maybe its someone you see almost everyday.. but eventually you'll find the perfect guy"... so I'm taking that as a hint?I know that I had given him the idea that maybe I liked him a little, but I'm pretty sure I contained it well... but honestly, what do I do?Of course I like this man, but... he's twice my age, he's married, he's my teacher, he seems to be heavily flirting.... and I don't want to ruin his marriage or job...
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009): im in kind of the same situation..heres my story,right okayi really lke my teacher at school im 13 and he's 29 and i see him nearly everyday it all started off when i first got him as a teacher and he always used to give me these really weird flirty looks that he wouldnt give anyone else and then he started talking to me loads after lessons, whenever he sees me walking around school he will either shout me or wink and smile, he told me im one of his favourite students and he wished everyone else was like me,once he helped me through a rough time when i split up with my boyfriend and i was upset and he asked me if i wanted to stay behind after lesson to talk about it so i said yes.when i went to his room at lunch he sat me down and made me talk about it and it made me feel alot betterthen he hugged me and kissed me on the cheek and said everything was going to be alrightby the way he hasnt got a girlfriend or kids and he's only been working at our school for 2 yearsive considered telling him but i couldnt bare the pain of him flipping out and not ever talking to me again , and seeing him around school it would be so awkwardand if he thought it was a good idea i would be happy but i would still feel guilty if anyone found out because he would lose his job.so i decided not to tell him but i really want to,however hard i try i just wish i could get over him but i cant and it annoys me everyday.then again its your decision,if you think its the right thing to do then do it but if you think it will ruin your friendship and his work and marraige then you decide if you think its the right thing to do,hope this helped!:)
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Seems like a similar situation I am having. To be honest I won't do anything and I'm advising you not to either. He is married with a son and this could break their marriage. He could lose his job and never work in education again. I know it seems unfair and you really want this but you just have to think about his life and how it could affect him. He needs his life to be just as it is without having complications as a student lover. Just try to forget about him, maybe pick the bad points out about him..always helps! You will soon enough have another boyfriend x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007): i feel the same way about my french teacher at school. but he is 39 and has 3 kids. i think because you have been telling him these things he has started to pay more attention to you. i think you just need to stay away from him. try and only talk to him when needed in class and don't keep having secret talks with him as it will make things alot worse. hope this helps you. deepest sympathy. xxx
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (11 May 2007):
 This requires you to demonstrate maturity far exceeding your age. I cannot tell you if your teacher likes you in the way you think - but I can tell you that he is inexperienced at dealing with teenage girls and their emotional problems by his approach to mentoring you. His feelings towards you maybe 100% innocent and it maybe a case of misread signals but few teachers would discuss aspects of their personal life with a pupil (it steps over that professional line) or touch you physically (they are trained in child protection matters as part of their training). I think the question if he likes you or not is irrelevant as you have to step out of your shoes for a second and look in on your own situation as an independent observer. You are a vulnerable pupil with significant family and relationship problems (I could add this is the type of person at risk of sexual exploitation but that distracts from the main point). He is a married man who has a position of professional responsibility over you. Even if he did like you romantically it would be very wrong as he is (i) a teacher with power over you, (ii) showing a tendency towards sexual interest in very young girls such as yourself (a paedophile) so he is a risk in his profession and (iii) a love rat since he already is in a marriage and contemplating cheating. In the UK, they have special laws making it a criminal offence to conduct a relationship with a school pupil and I am sure there will be at least policies in your State Education Board. I cannot tell you if he likes you or not; he maybe a teacher who has gotten carried away in the 'social worker' pastoral care role of teaching and you maybe reading too much into his staring and everything else BUT I can tell you that he has over-stepped the professional role by befriending you. It is up to you to see the situation for what it is and step back. If you think he is acting really inappropriately like sexual touching then report him as he presents a risk to other girls in school. But don't hope for a relationship with him to replace all the other things that are going badly in your life - if he cheats on his wife with you, he will be cheating with some other girl next year!
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