A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing this man who is 21 and i am 14 and he is doing some stuff to me that i dont understand and i dont want him to do, 1st he said i like u will u meet me and because ive liked him for ages i meet him, and got in his car because i trust him, then he came into the back and udone my tousers and fingered me, then he keeped asking if i was ok, i wanted to say no but i dont no how to, then he took me back to his place and carried me onto the sofa and put his penis up me, (if you get me) then he held me down and took off my clohtes then he had sex with me, after that he made me give him an blow job, like you no, suck his penis and he held my head so i couldnt pull away then he licked me out, i have carried on seeing him becasue i love him and i dont want to lose him but he says he likes me too, but i am unsure if what we are doing is wrong, is it abuse what he is making me do or not, and will he get in trouble if someone found out like the police because i dont want him to get in trouble becasue i love him what do i do, please help me. the thing is i realy like him, what do i do.
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female
reader, love-him +, writes (12 May 2007):
 darlin that sounds exaclty like what happend to me when i was 12 (raped) hun get out of this relationship now, please it isnt right, dnt put ur self through it, it is abuse, he is abusing you, ( the first answer from that annonymous person is absolute sh*t you couldnt go to jail!!! he will though. please hun leave him you deserve better. mail me if u wan x x x
A
female
reader, Just a Girl... +, writes (10 May 2007):
 huni the fact that your feelings were not taken into conseideration at all during the hole thing says to me that you feel things for him that he does not for you.
the age doesnt bother me as much as what he did. even if it had been a boy of your own age that had done this id still say the same thing. TELL SOMEONE!!!!!!
you need to report this guy. i knw what its like to have feelings for someone and to becaome so clouded by those feelings but huni wat he did 2 you sounds like rape, or assult! you are 14 years old babe.
good luck huni n be strong. if you need to chat to sum1 then msg me okk
xxxx
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A
female
reader, misrable  +, writes (6 May 2007):
 CALL THE POLICE NOW
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A
female
reader, miss fit +, writes (6 May 2007):
you know when you hear about paedophiles on the news but you don't expect it to happen to you? well honey, it has. even if you love this guy there are prbably other girls hes doing it to and in the process ruining their lives. when you hear about them on the news and realise you could have done something how are you gonna feel??
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A
female
reader, Bliss84 +, writes (6 May 2007):
To everyone who posted a reply previous to mine, except Country Woman:
This is a 14 year old you are talking to, so it would be nice to remember that when using the language to communicate with her. You will not get through to her or be able to offer her the help she desperately needs if you write as if you are writing a psychology or criminology assignment.
I believe she made it clear when she expressed how much she likes him, a number of times, during her question so it would be useful to remember that when addressing him rather than using harsh terminology that will make her develop a defensive attitude to the answer. Please try to be more understanding and apathetic to her when offering advice.
Also, SHE WILL NOT GO TO GAIL. Way to go ‘female reader’ above my post. Do you think this response will encourage her to seek help? Well if you did, let me be the first to tell you that it will not!
To the 14 year old girl who posted the question:
Please try to talk to someone you know, love and trust so they too can give you advice about what you should do. I understand that you have strong feelings for him at the moment, but as soon as you stop your relationship with him you will realise that you are better off without him. His feelings for you can’t be THAT strong if he is willing to make you have sex with him when you don’t want to. Even if you didn’t tell him that you don’t want to have sex with him, he can see it from your facial expressions and body language. Trust me, people know when someone doesn’t want to have sex with them or engage in any sexual activities with them. Think about it, will you hurt someone under the age of 10 that you love very much? If he is saying that he loves you then it is only to carry on doing this stuff with you.
Everything else I have to say is similar to what Country Woman said, so I will not waste your time by repeating it. But please talk to someone about it. You will NOT go to jail for it, I promise you that. He might get in a little trouble for it but it is only for your own good and protection and other young girls protection. If you have any other questions or just want to talk more about it I am sure you can e-mail anyone who replied to your answer and they will be more than happy to help you.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, drbroz +, writes (5 May 2007):
 You have done nothing wrong. I repeat you have done nothing wrong. None of this was your fault. Do not see this man again. He has hurt you. He has not only broken the law (and he knows it) he has forced you into doing what you didn't want to do. It's difficult when you think you love someone who is willing to hurt you. The difference between being a child and being an adult is that children rely on adults to protect them. He is an adult and you are a child. I'm sorry he wasn't trustworthy but he wasn't. Turn him in. To your parents, teachers, and law enforcement.
Now, you are almost an adult. Do not let other adults hurt you like this again, you have the power to stop them.
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (4 May 2007):
 Please please please sweetheart talk to someone close to you like your mum or sister if you have one or even a teacher at school.
I know personally from a close family relative that a similar situation arose with her but she was a little older than you at 15 when it started and the man was a lot older in his 40's.
This man has possibly done what is known as "grooming" you so that you are very reliant on him and your need to continue seeing him is always very important to you.
You know in your own mind that what he is doing to you is wrong as you are under age sweetheart and if he has had sex with you without protection then you could easily get pregnant or if he has slept with anyone else he could have nasty problems like diseases.
First of all try and talk to someone at home as you are not at fault in all of this and please don't think you are for one second.
No one is going to be angry with you but they will be with him as it is wrong.
I know you want to protect him but just think about the fact that he could be doing it to other girls and that is not fair on them either, someone needs to tell someone who is an adult and you sound like a very mature young girl.
I don't think you would want this man to touch a much younger girl would you so just be brave and make sure you either go to a clinic or your doctor and get yourself checked over.
There are all sorts of child helplines that you can ring for help as well and anyone who is a teacher at school that you trust could also help you and if you want they could be there for you if you want to tell your parents so you are not on your own.
Keep away from this man and if he tries to call you try to tell a little white lie that you are not well and you can't see him at the moment. Don't tell him that you are going to tell someone what he has been doing to you as he could go away and hurt someone else who is younger than you but just say for now you can't see him until you are well again.
You must feel very lonely with all of this but all the women and men on this site are here to help you so never be afraid to tell us anything OK.
As a mum myself I wish there weren't men around like this man but sadly there are and if I was your mum I would want to be there for you to hold you and cuddle you and make it all better and I am sure that you have someone close like your mum or an aunt or grandma who can give you that support.
Lots of love to you and be brave and strong right now.
Again it is not your fault at all and never will be.
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (4 May 2007):
 What is wrong with this guy? How'd you even meet this guy? Please tell someone or even better, your parents. Someone needs to put this to an end. This is ridiculous. See a doctor and/or go to a clinic to check yourself. You don't know what he could possibly give you. This guy is taking advantage of you. Please seek professional help. Take the step, young lady. Be strong.
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A
female
reader, agony_emz +, writes (4 May 2007):
 your a smart girl to have asked for her n im glad you know what he is doing to you is wrong!! but yet you shouldn't let this happen he is taking advantage of you! this is completely wrong and he should know better!! yer if someone does find out and goes to the police he will get in trouble as you have not give concent this will be classed as rape! and its illegal to have sex under the age of 16 especially as you are only 14 years old! i really hope that you stop seeing him for your own safety at the end of the day i know you say your in love with this guy but what is doing is wrong and you shouldnt let this happen to you!! you arwe not the first so you have nothing to be ashamed of!! i really think you should talk to you parents about this, it will be hard but your parents will be really understanding and help you through this!!
i really hope you do the right thing sweetheart!!
good luck x
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (4 May 2007):
 1. I am sure you know the age of consent in the UK is 16. It doesn't even sound like he got 'consent'. It is a criminal offence where he was the perpetrator and you were the victim.
2. As a child predator he is using all the tricks in the book on you to keep the 'secret'. Unfortunately, if he is like this with you it means he would do it to another child (even younger) so stop looking on him as a boyfriend and start looking on him as a paedophile. The authorities need to be alerted - call social services, childline, NSPCC - as this man is a danger to children.
3. I work in child protection so I can tell you clearly that a 21 year old man is doing this to you because he probably has a personality disorder and an enormous sense of personal inadequacy. He cannot relate to girls of his own age band who see him for what he is. It is much easier to impress a child and use that power for personal gratification. The guy needs psychological help to deter reoffending and you will in fact do him a favour by reporting him to a professional.
4. I am not hearing any use of contraception going on during these events - you have a duty to protect yourself against pregnancy and STDS.
5. You personally need help with your self esteem to be able to say no to boys and men (or anyone for that matter) who makes unpleasant demands on you. You really need to work on these issues because you will go through life with people making various demands on you for all sorts and you need to feel good enough about yourself to say no when it doesn't make you happy.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2007): If true, the guy deserves to be in jail. Tell your parents and get him put away. You probably aren't the first, but if you are, it is guaranteed you won't be the last.
As for yourself, I would recommend talking to your parents about seeing a therapist, or having family sessions with the pastor of your family's church. This type of abuse, and the personality type of the adult male who would engage in sexual intercourse with a minor so much younger than himself, and the trauma of the criminal and legal battle that will ensue after this comes to light... You're not going to escape without some serious mental scar tissue.
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A
female
reader, heartxbrokenxgurl +, writes (3 May 2007):
 u guys have an age difference n even if u like him it seems ur not ready for this relationship i say stick with someone ur age or one age higher ok
good luck
jenna
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (3 May 2007):
 He is taking advantage of you and it needs to stop NOW! Youre feelings for him maybe so, but if he loved you he would understand that your young and it is wrong to do what he is doing.
It is clear that you are not ready for this relationship, and you need to think about seeing someone your own age. You say he held you down, that is forcing you whether you like it or not. he is using his age as a way to over power you and knowing that you dont know how to handle the situation taking every opportunity to get what he wants.
You need to push your feelings aside for him and look at what he has done. You are young and inexperienced and he knows this, finish this quickly before he does this again.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2007): FIRST OF THIS IS ILLEGAL, YOU WILL BOTH GO TO JAIL, thats considered rape!!!!!!! and if he makes you feel uncomfortable and pressures you thats even worse, i feel he is taking advantage of you cus your soo young, stay away!!! find boys your age!!! He is a grown man and he should know better than to do this to a child!!!!
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