A
female
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anonymous
writes:my bf asked me to marry him 3 years ago after a fight and a mini break up.he did it in his car when he picked me up and he didnt have a ring.i then went looking round jewellers to get an idea of what i liked- alone, he didnt come with me.when id seen one i liked i text him to tell him. he asked how much and i said £1400. he replied no way was he spending that much so i just left it.i then looked around on ebay and found something similar much cheaper. i made the mistake of trying to show him it when he was watching football and he wouldnt even turn away from the tv- he isnt really a great football watcher. he then pulled out his wallet and threw his credit card in my direction and told me just to get it.i closed down the computer and never mentoned it again and neither did he. needless to say i didnt want to buy my own ring onlinedoes he just not care about me at all?he has been engaged before but aparently she proposed to him in front of her family and then 6 months later forced him into buying a cheap ring because her sister was with them. im not sure if i believe this story.am i wasting my time?
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks guys-
i have asked him about this and he did come up with a ot of excuses. one of them that he was sick of me going on about it and another that he was going to do it he just wanted it to be really special and another that he forgot about it entirely!!
i cannot trust this man and i cannot trust him to give an honest answer . this is the way it is with ever prblem in our relationship so i guess its time to move on
thanx again
x
A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2007): Sit down with your bf and please have a calm, straight forward discussion about 'trust' in a love relationship. Because this is clearly an issue of 'trust' and I will tell you why. I cannot stress enough to all couples...how keeping a promise is very, very important in a love relationship. Your bf has to know that he shouldn't be making promises he can't keep. If he can't afford the ring or simply doesn't want to be engaged, , then he needs to tell you, honestly, lovingly and in a straight forward manner. Broken promises hurt our loved ones and can harm good relationships. It shakes the foundation of trust, hun. Open the channels of communication and tell him,
"I have trusted you and your trustworthiness is valuable to me. It tells me you have good character, that you are a man with a lot of integrity. These are traits I love the most about you. You asked me to marry you and I wanted a ring as a symbol of our committment to each other. It's been 3 years and you haven't come through. I need to know why. Because if it's an issue of finances, then you need to tell me that. Perhaps the two of us can look into a monthly 'payment plan' that most jewellers offer as an option. Or was this just a stragedy to soothe and appease the hurt I felt when we argued three years ago? If it was, you have painted yourself into a corner here and you have to understand the damage that has been incurred. Because all your actions, your excuses, your lack of caring, is untrustworthy behavior and it's really telling me you have no interest in being engaged, at this time. Personally, I would rather you tell me the truth than stringing me along, like this. It's hurtful to me and I want to know the truth. But please, just don't break promises to me, anymore..just tell me...do you want to be engaged?"
After saying this to him..sit back and listen to what he tells you. You've opened a door that allows him to come clean-be totally honest with you. Let's truly hope he does. He may apologise, he may state he's not ready to be engaged, he might have a potpourri of excuses or he may agree that the cost of buying a ring is too much for him. After you have spoken to him, then you make the decison for your own happiness as to whether he's worth staying in this relationship with or not. You will know..your gut instincts will kick in. None of us can tell you to leave him or not. He may not be ready for a seriouscommittment such as an engagement and marriage. That's a big huge step for a lot of young guys, but it doesn't mean he doesn't love you. But you need to ask yourself...Will you be happy just dating him and letting your relationship progress to an 'official' engagement(ring and all) in the future? Who knows, it may happen sooner or it may never happen. This is the risk we all take with love relationships. We can't push others into doing something they are not ready for. I hope you are able to work this out. People can learn to make positive changes in their life. He's been with you 3 years or more. Give him one last chance before 'giving up on him altogether'.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (1 June 2007):
 He asked you to marry him to make up for the split. However, he has shown little interest since and actions do speak louder than words! I can understand he may not wish to pay 1400 for a ring if he is on a budget, but he is not even compromising over this and that is a very bad sign. If he is that unenthusiastic now...imagine what he would be like as a husband. I think you have great patience and I think this 'engagement' is a bit of a non-event because he would have raised the subject of a ring and future plans of marriage if he had real intentions. Are you really sure you would want to marry someone who cannot be bothered even finding time to shop for a ring?
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female
reader, love-him +, writes (1 June 2007):
 Hia babe im amazed that yoo were so calm that he said no way! i would be mortified.. a simple no darling not that much would have been sufice! id talk to him, say yoo wont to know if yoo are engaged, if so, you want a ring, if not then its up to yoo, do yoo feel ur relationship is heading somewhere or to a dead-end? hope i helped chiick mail me if yoo wonna talk x x x
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2007): I am very much affraid you are wasting your time.
It seems that he used the one weapon he knew would have you flying back to him after your little spat and split. He asked you to marry him. He probably didn't want you to leave so he dangled something like that infront of you to keep you. It is obvious he is not interested in commitment because if he did he would be with you or show interest.
£1400 is alot if he doesn't have a particularly good job and buying online isn't that bad, but even if he was watching a football match, the way he threw his card into your direction is a sign of not only disrespect, but also to shut you up.
Ask yourself a question.
Do you actually want to be with someone like that?
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