A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am pregnant but i cheated on my partner and fell pregnant around the same day i slept with the guy i cheated on him with but he said he never ejectulated inside me, whereas my boyfriend does every time we have sex plus i fell pregnant with him same time last year and we have sex at least twice daily. i only cheated once but fear its not my boyfriends baby but the other guy never came inside me so whos is it?? please help me i dont wanna lose my partner so telling him is not an option. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (6 June 2007):
 Anonymous,
In my opinion you owe it to the baby to find out who the father is. More imporantly than your relationship is the health of your child. What if the other guy turns out to be the father and he has some sort of disease that runs in his family? What if he's more prone to alcoholism or heart disease? Wouldn't you want to do what's best for the health of the child? I think you need to consider more than just hurt feelings here.
Take care.
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 June 2007):
 ...I forgot to add that there is another way of determining paternity other than a DNA test which is based on the blood group of the baby. The baby will have a blood group determined by its mother and father, and parents are usually told the blood group shortly after birth. By knowing your blood group, the baby's blood group and your boyfriend's blood group you can exclude him as the father if the baby comes out with certain blood groups. It won't tell you who the father is exactly, but you can work out who isn't the father using this screening method. Look at the table at the bottom of the following article for further info:
http://teenadvice.about.com/od/teenfathers/a/teenfathersFAQ.htm
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): Hi there,
No one can tell you on here who the father is, their guess is as good as yours! I would guess that there is more chance that it is your boyfriends but in these situations, it really is impossible to tell.
The only way you are going to know for absolute certain is to have a DNA test. And, speaking as a man, I would find it unforgivable if I found out after the birth that the mother lied to me and led me to believe I was the father when I might not have been. Whether or not you think of yourself first or put your partner, and ultimately your baby, first is ultimately up to you. It seems you would be better of coming clean, sooner rather than later.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 June 2007):
It could be either your boyfriend or the other guy - there is no easy answer. A DNA test after the baby is born could confirm or disconfirm paternity but this would require your boyfriend's consent for a sample (so you would have to tell him really). Just because the other guy says he didnt ejaculate means nothing because (i) he may have and you didn't feel it and (ii) there are usually some sperm in the preejaculate which men have little control over. Regardless of the cheating and the who is the father dilemmas, you should get checked out for STD's as part of your antenatal care since you didn't practice safe sex with the other guy and it would have important implications for your health, your baby's health and your boyfriend's health. Your midwife will be used to hearing all sorts of life stories and she won't judge you if you explain the situation.
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