A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I love my boyfriend 2 bits i have never had a relationship before we have been together for a long time and have children. He found out i kissed someone and has broken my nose beat me up and is currently in prison, he tells me he loves me and wants us to be a family again but wants me 2 prove i havent done it before and i didnt sleep with him.He has cheated on me before and I never get the truth from him, I haven't done it, should i take the test
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): Your boyfriend has cheated in you; he beat you up and broke your nose and is in prison?
Says he "loves" you and wants to be together again as a family?
Young lady: ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS!!!
HIS actions prove he does not love or care about you! Give up this idea of "loving him to bits" - what in the name of all that's holy is there TO love about this jerk, anyway?
And use the time while he's locked up to get away and make a life for yourself!
A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (2 June 2007):
 People say all sorts of things and make all sorts of promises when they are in prison because it gives them something to focus on for the future other than the daily routine behind bars. Whats more, prison and probation staff actively encourage family ties because it is well-known that it has implications for re-offending rates. Sadly in your case you have been the victim of domestic violence and I rather suspect you know little about how good relationships can be since this is your first and only boyfriend. Any domestic violence is unforgiveable but he caused you some serious injuries suggesting he really lost it. Sure, you cheated but that is no excuse for violence. You kissed someone else because you weren't 100% happy with your relationship. Domestic violence offenders reoffend time and time again and few can get over this pattern without specialist professional help. You say you love him, but surely you should love yourself and your children more. Research clearly shows that children raised in families affected by domestic violence grow up to be juvenile offenders, victims of abuse or bullies. Whats more there is a high risk that he will be physically abusive to the children in the same way as he has been to you. He shouldn't be taking the moral high ground of setting you tests to prove your innocence - it is the very psychology of a man who is not sorry for what he has done to you and is continuing to justify his behaviour by blaming you. Have some self-respect and walk away before he drags you and your children down with him.
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A
female
reader, kazzie_m +, writes (2 June 2007):
No you shouldnt take the test. Why should you! You are the victim here not him. You say he has cheated on you before and now he has hit you.I understand that its not as simple as just leaving someone when there are children involved.You also say that you love him.Because this is your first relationship you dont know what your missing there is more to life at your age that him.Think about this clearly he has cheated on you, hit you and is now trying to blackmail you from prison. He doesnt appear to have the most promising future ahead of him does he? Move on and find someone new dont let him drag you and the children down to his level.The children at the end of the day are the priority and they learn by example. Set yours by being a strong person and showing them not to settle for second best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): I assume that if he battered you but you still love him then he must be quite hot. I say go for it. I mean if he has only hit you once then mibbe he won't do it again and if he has hit you before then you probably like it deep down. go for it.
i hope you are very happt together
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): Ok, I just answered your first question anon, and boy was I right, he is abusive isn't he, he broke your nose, and is now in prison....are you reading this yourself! Run as fast as you can take the kids, before he hits you unrecognizable or kills you....Don't ask, tell him to stay away, file for sole custody of your children if you have to and don't look back, raising your children in a home full of violence will have profound effects on what kind of relationships they themselves will have as adults...give them a chance at happiness in life and leave their abusive father, you and they deserve so much more.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (2 June 2007):
 Do not do any sort of test for this man.
He physically assualted you, he is a coward and in no way deserves your "Love" if you can call it that.
If he truely loved you he would never harmed you let alone think about harming you, even if you betrayed him. Though his anger may be justifed his action were indeed not.
You aswell can not love a man you are scared off and who has beaten you, this is no way to live your life, scared of making mistakes (If Kissing the other man was a mistake) and you will be attacked if you made these misjudgments.
You are still young, do you really want to be waiting for him when he get outs angry from jail?
Do you want to be there when he has a fight a the pub?
Do you want to be there when he takes his anger out on you again?
You say this is your first relationship, you need to know there are much better men, who treat women like queens. For yours and your kids sake find a man who will treat you like a queen.
Like i said before dont take ANY test for him. The only thing you should do is pack up and leave with your kids, and never look back again.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2007): This person dose not love you. He has struck you, lied to you, and cheated on you. While he is in prison you should take the time to move on with your life. Build up your confidence so that nothing like this occurs again in your life. Take care.
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A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers +, writes (2 June 2007):
 I hate to say this but he physically assulted you and this has no excuse to it. Whether or not you "had" cheated on him the thing he is not seeing is trust which he obviously has none of for you.
You dont hit the people you love, you protect them and his anger "may" have been justified but to lash out and hit you is way off the mark. You need to look at this in perspective.
You may love him and he "may" love you but if he has hit you once what is stopping him doing it again, and what if next time it isnt just a broken nose? You have children around you which should not exposed to this kind of behaviour. Your saftey and your happiness should be the first thing to think about here (and your children of course).
You should not have to take any test to prove you are lying or not. It is his insecurities which have given you a broken nose and nothing to do with you at all.
Physical abuse in relationships is not acceptable and you need to make sure IF you do stay in this that you are sure your safety for your children and yourself is not ignored.
You may love him now but years down the line after a few broken noses and a growing feeling of fear towards him will you still be happy?
Just be safe in choice and think about what he has done to you and if you can live with that threat and be happy in the longterm.
Keep safe.
R
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A
female
reader, StarGazer78  +, writes (2 June 2007):
 Please, please, please leave him! You've both strayed and he's abusive, you have children to look out for. I don't see a happy future for you. How he releases anger is to beat you up? That's a pathetic loser in my opinion. He's not worth of you or the children. Find out your rights and the laws in your area and leave him immediately.
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