A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Recently a married co-worker started e-mailing me at home. The emails are not sexual in any way--the most he has ever said is that he thinks I'm cute and that he likes my company and enjoys talking to me. He came to visit me twice at home, yet both times we just talked. Once, he said that if he wasn't married, he would try to ask me out. My question is, do you think he is interested in an actual relationship with me or is this just a fun, flirty fantasy that will never lead anywhere?
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007): He is interested in an affair and like Sweet-thing suggested..it is a test. Otherwise, why would he bother? I don't mean that to be cruel..I just think if he's married he should be committed to his wife and family. Can you love someone who is so disrespectful of his wife and family? I think there are some serious character issues here, red flags are a wavin' in your face. It's like he's grooming you..wedging himself in your life so you will get attached to him and he gets to have his fun. I have to say, there is no positive, smart reasons to even think about dating a married man. If you are tempted, you need to remember a few things. Cheating on his wife tells you, who he truely is and how he deals with problems in his relationships. When times get tough, he gets going..right into the arms of another woman. So if you are swooning and thinking there is feasible a futurewith this guy...think again. He is showing you what he's capable of. He's devious enough to do the same thing to you, someday, isn't he? An affair means keeping this relationship a secret. Don't you feel you don't deserve someone you can proudly show off to your friends, your family, the world? Here's another thing about many married guys. Even though they begin the affair, they end up never respecting the woman who take him on. They eventually end up deeply disrespecting a woman who would take on the role of 'his' mistress. Why? Because you are a willing participant in a man violating his marriage and betraying the trust of his wife. You will eventually take the blame...becaus ehe will have problems accepting responsibility for his role in this scenario. Sad but true. Be cautious, dear and I would tell him..just work buddies and 'thanks, but no thanks'. Be smart hun...and think of the ramifications, down the line. Don't go there. Good luck and I hope you make the best decision for you.
A
female
reader, Sweet-thing  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 I think he's testing you to see if you'd be interested in a "fling". He's not talking about divorcing his wife that's for sure. If you're smart you will not take him up on his offer or his implications, no matter how tempting they are. If you give in, you will hate yourself later and the whole thing will end in heartbreak (mostly yours). In fact, if you're attracted to him, it might be best if you stop e-mailing him back and if he drops by your house again, don't answer the door.
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 How many men have you ever told you'd date if they were single. How often do you approach a guy and tell him he's cute? There is your answer.
What difference does it make if he's interested in an actual relationship with you? He's married, that puts him off limits....correct?...corrrect?
Don't head down this rotten, calculated , destructive path. If you think I'm wrong, tell his wife what he said and ask her if she minds.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (23 June 2007):
 He doesn't want the relationship you would like and he cannot offer you any long term happiness because:
1. He is married and thinking about cheating. If he cheats on his wife, he would cheat on you.
2. He is a co-worker. Many companies are not impressed by colleagues dating and extra-marital affairs are usually strongly disapproved of. You would be committing career suicide.
3. He is bored with his marriage and using you as a distraction. I stress the word 'use' there as you will be merely a distraction until he finds out what he really wants.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2007): You should be ashamed of yourself for even considering seeing this man. He is married , think of his poor wife, how would you feel if it was done to you. If you have any self respect you should break contact with him and make it very clear there will be no extra marital affair. If he's willing to cheat on his wife who he has made vows to don't think he won't cheat on you in a second. Think about that!!!
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (23 June 2007):
 He is probably interested in having you as his bit on the side. Invariably married guys never leave their wives, so ultimately you become the mistress or bit on the side, only seeing him when he can sneak away, then crawling back to the marital bed after his bit of fun.
If i was you i would leave this one alone because these sort of things tend not to have very happy endings. Drop this guy and find someone who does not come with a wife.
Good luck x
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (23 June 2007):
 This is a friendship that won't go any further. Put the thought of a relationship with this guy right out of your mind! He's married. He's told you he'd ask you out if he WASN'T married....but he is. I expect he's enjoying your company and some mild firtation. Or else he's hoping to have a fling with you. Getting involved with a married man is a disaster. It ruins lives and ultimately you're likely to be the one left hurt and alone. It honestly isn't worth the heartache, the waiting for him to be free to see you, spending family holidays alone and everything else an affair with a married man entails.
By all means be friends, but if you feel you're even remotely getting involved then run a mile! There are plenty of other lovely single men out there. Go looking. Best of luck!
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