A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I can't stand the sight or sound of my daughter's new boyfriend. She is 23, he is 21. How should I handle it with my daughter without pushing her into his life? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2008): Run a background Check
Ask your daughter for the guy's name beforehand and then search for him on popular teenage social websites such as MySpace, Facebook or YouTube. Any personal profiles or videos that turn up will give you an idea of his personality. Look closely at his favorite movies, books, games and friends. Remember, reality mimics fantasy. Many times criminals, when asked where they got their ideas, will state they saw it in a movie.
Don't be swayed by your girl's pleas to stay out of her life, she will thank you later when she is married to a respectful well rounded gentlemen.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2008): I have found the answers pretty much agree with the action(or in-action) I am taking with my daughter's boyfriend who is a scrounger, lazy and arrogant and the more I see him the stronger I dislike him. He comes into my kitchen and completely takes over. Whatever he thinks, says or does is so much better than anyone else etc, etc. I just take a deep breath and look forward to him leaving! Sadly they have started visiting us more and more and I think that I am going to have to be out when he comes in order to keep the peace. It has got to the stage where I only have to hear his name and I cringe. In all other aspects I am mature and level-headed but I can just see how he is using her and it really, really annoys me.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 November 2007): or maybe hes just a guy with some issues and you should lay off and see how things go... from the ages of 12-20 i was a train wreck.. hated everyone was selfish this that whatever else yes i was trash...but..people change and maybe he will to oh and maybe he might even get into a good plastic surgery clinic so you can stand to eat and look at him at the same time :) and if she really does love him then well..maybe you should me a little more mature yourself and just accept him?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your great advice! I know you are all right. This guy has no redeeming qualities. He is needy, immature, uneducated, annoying, and superficially..unattractive. I wish there was something I could say positive about him. But I will take your advice and lay off. I personally feel that my daughter feels sorry for the kid. Hopefully, she will come to her senses!
Thanks again!
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 Sorry doll, but she needs to make her own mistakes and learn from this on this one.
Unfortunatly, when someone says to another person who's in a relationship " he's not right for you" or " you know it won't last" they automatically say to themselves "I'll show you!" and then they turn cold against you.
You need to just keep it to yourself and wait it out. It may turn out that they don't last because she calls it off. But if she gets hurt by him, just ensure you're there for your daughter and not acting in the " I told you so " way.
Hope I helped. I wish you all the best.
x
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A
female
reader, DrPsych  +, writes (11 June 2007):
 How you handle the situation is wholly dependent on your reasons for not liking him in the first place. Only you can decide if you have legitimate reasons for dislike or you are just feeling like an over-protective parent. Of course you can say you don't like him and don't want him in your house, but you cannot tell her what to do.
There is little you can do to stop your daughter seeing this guy as she is old enough to make her own decisions. However, if you dislike of him is for good reason and your daughter is a chip off the old block then it is fairly certain that in time she will discover for herself why he is unsuitable and then you can be shoulder to cry on. She will need to date men who are unsuitable for a variety of reasons to come to recognise Mr Right when she eventually finds him.
I had a huge row with my parents over my husband before we married - they were very opposed to the relationship but came around over the years. I have to say their opposition made the relationship stronger and they have come to realise they were very wrong about him now.
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (11 June 2007):
 You know to keep your opinion to yourself or you will push her in the wrong direction. Just wait it out, if she decides to dump him you can breathe a sigh of relief. However if she decides she loves him and he's the one then you'll just have to learn to like him or risk losing your daughter. It's tough being a parent, no matter what age your child is.
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A
male
reader, kenny +, writes (11 June 2007):
 I think really you have got to take a back seat on this one, you don't want to jeopodise your relationship with your daughter.
She is 23 so really its is up to her who she see's and dates, all you can do is offer sound advice. So you can't stand the sound and sight of this guy, well the relationship is new so maybe she may think the same as you in a month or two.
Good luck x
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): Make an effort to get along with him? Even if you cant stand the sight or sound of him, do it for her. If she wants to be with him, he cant be that bad?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): Why can't you stand him? My mother stopped me seeing my first love aged 15 because she couldn't stand him either. I had to wait 30 years before I met him again and she has admitted that he is wonderful. We both regret our opportunity of having children, is gone. We cherished each other and still do, we were meant to be together.
My mother loves him now and is wracked with guilt. She used to feel that my Dad always took our side (the kids) and so she drew a line of stone with my Dad that I should not see my boyfriend because it was "too intense". It was the ultimate challenge upon which she decided, their marriage would survive or fail.
Simply getting on your nerves is not an acceptable reason. If there are other things you don't like say so.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2007): Hi darling,
You dont say for what reason you dislike you daughters boyfriend so much, have you maybe heard something that is worrying for you? or is it just a gut instinct?..
Does your daughter appear happy with her new fella?
if so love all i can say to you is keep an eye out be there for your daughter, if you do tell her how you feel she may well dig in and you may get into a bad situation with her and thats not what you want i can tell that from your question...
I hope this helped a little take care and good luck xxx
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