A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I met a man online a year ago and we became friends ,he's 40 and im 58 but i never told him that.I never thought we would continue to talk so what did it matter.Well the unthinkable happened ,we fell in love ... he is single and so am i .He is the kind of man i wish i had ,had in my life along time ago .Problem is I cannot tell him my real age ,it was be terrible if i did .I wish i had never lied .I have to find a way to break it off and not hurt him. In all other area's i have just been myself and he adore's me and it hurts me so bad that i have done something this horrible ,he will never understand ,so there is no point in trying to tell him.I really love him ,but i know this is very unfair to him.How am I gonna break away ,I dont even know where to start.
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (9 July 2012):
I also believe you cannot be in love w someone you've never met. Its more like you are in love w the idea you've formed of that person, albeit a quite incomplete idea.
Next, never start any relationship on a lie - there is no good that can come from it. You need to come clean immediately. Will he move on? I probably would. For starters, once you lie to me, I usually dont give a second chance. Also, 18 years is quite a bit for a woman to be older than a man. Can it work out? Yes. Is is likley? Absolutely not. So many things working against it long term. He may want children. In a few years, he may start thinking at 45 he can easily get a 33 year old. On and on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 July 2012):
 You never told him you were 58… what age did you tell him? Has he seen recent pictures?
The first thing you must do is tell the truth about your age… I’m 13 years older than my partner and we make no bones about it…. More and more it’s not a big huge deal for women to be older than men….
the truth of the matter is that until you tell him the truth your entire relationship is based on a lie... and love can't grow in an environment with lies
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Have u actually met?
Did he see u in real life? What age did u put there, 40?
The story is unclear, but if your put your age at 40, and put your younger picture on line and you never met, then you are in trouble.
It's not even that u lied, it's the fact that he expects a woman his age. You could be his mother.
It's unclear if you are dating, but if he already saw you how can he not distinguish the age difference? Unless you are some genetic freak. If it was even 10 years then may be if u look incredible with a couple plastic surgery it might pass, but 18 years it's just silly, may be he is looking for sugar mama.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): How can you be in love with someone you never met? I don't think so anyway. Tell him the truth and meet him because it's not love yet.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): Well it might not be that bad, if you only lied by a few years and not something like 20 years.
Don't just assume an end to the relationship as that's the last thing you both want deep down. Just tell him the truth he may not be that bothered to be honest, he may find it funny. Just as long as you are the person in your pictures and you have shown him an up to date one. Age is just a number.
On the other hand he may look at it as "Well she's lied from the outset, how can I trust her?" (Which he would have the right to feel) but at least give him the chance to make that decision before making a decision you will end up regretting
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): Tell me the truth. He deserves to know. If he turns away, don't worry about it. Then it wasn't meant to be. It is bad that you lied but I wouldn't say it is "horrible" because it could be worse. Just tell him and see how it goes. You were planning on breaking it off anyway so if he isn't happy it shouldn't matter. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (8 July 2012):
If you think that the relationship won’t last if you tell him the truth, then you have nothing to lose from owning up. And you never know, he might understand. Explain to him that you lied because you were worried that it might put him off, that you’ve been completely honest about everything else, and that you regret the deception. If he breaks it off, then although that will be painful for you, you’re expecting it anyway. But you should give him the chance to decide for himself what he’ll do about this. If you just end things yourself without telling him about your age, he’s bound to be confused and want to know why. Then you’ll either have to come clean anyway, or make up another lie to explain to him why you’ve ended things seemingly out of the blue. So pluck up the courage and tell him what you did.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (8 July 2012):
 Just tell him the truth. Then see what happens. If he gets mad and doesn't want to talk to you then it's just as well, because you wanted to end this anyway.
I think it'd be worse if you lied to him about why you need to break it off. I think he deserves to know the truth. It also shows more respect for him if you tell the truth, rather than tell another lie. It wont make up for what you did, but I still think it is the better option.
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