A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I had one great date with a guy I met on an online dating site. He texts me everyday / a few times a day and asked me for a second date. We've been in contact now about a week and a half. However - one thing is troubling me! He saw me "online" on Saturday and text me "I know we can see each other online but I'm willing to delete my profile. I don't like dating multiple people. It's ugly". I text back that is premature for that as we haven't had a second date - but in general I agree and we can discuss on 2nd date. Since then - twice now - he texts me every time he seesMe online!! Last night it was "sleeping ?" and tonigh "let's talk on the phone - don't want to loose the mojo". I didn't answer. An interesting note. He told me on our first date that his 3 year relationship didn't work out bc she was "very jealous". ButAm I right to worry its him being a little controlling?!
View related questions:
jealous, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 It sounds like he hasn't dated in a while either. At least not successfully. He's extremely insecure. Like I said, let him go.
A
female
reader, Ciar +, writes (11 July 2012):
I'm with So Very Confused. He sounds very, very needy and desperate.
He believes you're getting hit on by many men and that he is one of many options for you while you are his only option. He's not trying to avoid the mess of dating more than one person. He's trying to avoid the disappointment of losing the one woman who is paying him any attention.
I don't think I'd keep this one. Too needy to be respectful of boundaries and protocol. My advice is to block and delete him. No second dates. You don't owe him any more chances. He had his and he blew it.
...............................
A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (11 July 2012):
 Uh, yeah... After the 8am text, it is now blatantly clear that this guy is a weirdo. I wouldn't even respond to that...he would probably interpret any response as leading him on.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo I didn't answer the "mojo" text sent at 11:30 last night and this morning at 8am I get "good morning let's cancel for tomorrow . I don't feel ok and I have a lot to do so I will be wasting energy and you to. All we do is text and not talk on the phone. its a dry desert. Good luck "
I haven't dated in awhile - but isn't that super needy? Isn't there anyone "normal" out there?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): Sorry but I'd say 'creepy'. Plenty of red flags there!
...............................
A
female
reader, katiekate +, writes (10 July 2012):
Creepy! I would handle this guy carefully. Sounds like he has some stalker tendencies.
...............................
A
female
reader, IamJess  +, writes (10 July 2012):
 I'm not sure it sounds like he's not meaning to do it in a rude way, but can't help it I suppose, he's probably just into you and worried that your talking to other guys and going on other dates.
Although, he shouldn't really be putting it across that way, but men have really weird ways of saying things, and often put their foot in it.
Talk to him about it, if you don't want to go on the second date though, don't, and put it out there, he's obviously one to get attached quickly.
...............................
A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 July 2012):
 You have been in contact for a week and a half and had one date and he is monitoring your internet usage? If his behaviour is niggling at you and you feel a little uncomfortable, listen to your intuition and let him know you don't think it is going to work.
Good luck!
...............................
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (10 July 2012):
I would be a bit worried. For one, he's going against every single dating adage that there ever has been. After the first date, you always want to play it ice-cold to stoke the other persons interest. If there is any from the first date, playing it non-chalant for the second date will only fan the flames of that interest more. He is doing the exact opposite, and your reaction is commensurately expected. Instead of you thinking of him as a cool mysterious guy who has a lot going on, you are here asking if he's a creep or not.
If it were me, Id pass. Im not big on internet survailance, nor am I big on ppl who act as if they have no other options.
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (10 July 2012):
 He sounds anxious and a bit insecure.
I'm not sure i would label him as controlling.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (10 July 2012):
Yes this is worrying. The fact that he’d eventually like to reach a point where you delete the profiles if things progress and get more serious is fine, but to expect it after a single date, and to assume that you are trying to date multiple partners and criticising you for it, just because you’re signing on to the site is alarming at this early stage. His previous relationship might have broken down because of her jealousy, but you’ve only got his word for it that the destructive behaviour was all one-way. Tell him that you don’t think it’s going to work out and would like to call it quits, wish him well and then cut contact. If you’ve already got doubts, and doubts which do not seem to be without justifiable cause at this early stage, it’s going nowhere.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
|
