A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I was with my ex partner for 3 years, we have a 2 year old son together. I recently ended the relationship due to him being very controlling. However he seems to think he isn't controlling and hasn't done anything wrong I just wanted to tell you his behaviour and see what you guys think. It started off with my friends, he has poisoned me against them (he doesn't like any of my friends) he doesn't like me going out with friends (especially clubbing) which I do once a month for a break, and he now has turnt against my family. I'm very close to my mum, dad and sister and I confide in them but he says they don't love me and don't care about me, he puts things in my head and turns me against them, I have spent 2 years of being put down, he says I can't get a job because I'm too lazy, eventhough I have been for 7 interviews in the past 3 months. He's constantly saying "I think your going to run off with someone else" even though I assure him I won't,I have never cheated on him at all. the time and I'm sick of it, he never listens to me and don't take me seriously. I'm an attractive girl and always am told I am while he is very insecure about him self and he isn't the best of looking lads (but I fell for personality) he thinks he is not controlling but I think he is. He expects me to sit in all day and look after our son. My family don't like him anymore as they have picked up on his vibe and think I could end up in danger if I carry on with him. What are your opinions.
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female
reader, IamJess +, writes (10 July 2012):
 I think you already know that he's not good for you and that your not good in a relationship with him, your not gonna want to take anyone elses advice when you know whats right inside your heart, he's trying to control you, your not going to be happy going back to that.
Making you have no friends so you have no social life, and nothing to do and nobody to talk to except him, is worrying because he wants you all to himself. He can't do that, and you can't let him do that, he needs to know you have friends, and your gonna want to spend time with them.
You don't go clubbing often, so that shouldn't even be a problem, usually it'll be because he can't trust other men or you with other men in the clubs, and is afraid of you cheating, like you said, but if there's no trust, theres no real relationship.
Your family should always be your priority, because they're blood and they raised you and protected you, you shouldn't be driven away from them, I see exactly what your family mean.
Obviously you know you have to spend time with your child you don't need to be told.
Put him in his place. Not good for you.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (10 July 2012):
You didn’t say one good point about him in your post. He’s tried to ruin friendships, tried to turn you against your family, and tried to put you down in order to try and make you so low in self-confidence that you believe that you’re no good, can do no better than him and that you just stay safely at home all day in isolation, all so that you have nothing independent from him. Is this controlling? Yes, but it’s much worse than that: it’s emotional abuse. He’s so insecure that he needs to have you under his control so that he can reassure himself that you’re not going anywhere. You did the right thing ending the relationship, don’t go back to him. Unless you fear for the child he should have access to his son, but that’s it. You should have nothing else to do with him.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (10 July 2012):
 HiFirst, you SHOULD be spending your day looking after your son,he's right,if your not out working. Not in the house ALL the time though,there's lots of stuff you can do with other Mums. You go clubbing with your friends, perhaps he thinks they are a bad influence,that they dont like him and will try to get you to cheat.Do you and he ever go clubbing together?The way he is with your family is wrong though.You should stand your ground and never fall out with them or stop seeing them regularly.No one person should control another , you have to stick up for yourself, not be influenced by his words. Its all very unhealthy for you and your son, he sounds very insecure. The fact you say that your good looking and he is not speaks volumes.Maybe he can sense you think this, which won't help him.You either have to set new rules and stick to them or finish this relationship.You will all only become more miserable as time goes on otherwise.
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