A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm in a stable, loving rollercoaster relationship with an amazing guy. It's been fantastic right from the start and despite our very volatile ups and downs, it's been great.However in 7 weeks time I am due to return home (we met abroad) to start my studies. Now we both come from the same area and he has said he will be coming home eventually.I'm all for trying to make a LDR work - I know it's tough but I want to try. He however doesn't seem to want to, I've broached the subject a few times and all I get is "well how would that work" It breaks my heart that he wont even consider it.After consulting some friends they all say 'what's meant to be is meant to be' but in this situation I can't help but feel that we can't leave it down to destiny. I get that perhaps this is his way of ending the realtionship, but I need him to tell me what he feels and why he doesn't want to continue if that is the case, but HOW do I get him to talk about it- actually sit down, look me in the eye and discuss?Any help or similar cases is much appreciated - thank you! Reply to this Question
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male
reader, anonymus2012  +, writes (13 July 2012):
Maybe he is afraid, so you have to talk to him and explain that LD is not that bad...well it is bad but dont tell him ;-) no, seriously you have to talk to him and explain him why do you think your relationship will work. but dont be pushy or try to convince him. because if he really loves you he will put some effort. if not run away, he is not for you and you deserve better.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (8 July 2012):
It sounds like his heart is not in this relationship. Firstly, ask him to sit down for a proper conversation about how you’re going to make things work when this becomes a long-distance relationship. If he turns the suggestion down, put him on the spot. Explain to him that he’s shown no desire to figure out how this might work, and that he seems to dismiss any ideas as unworkable. Tell him how you feel, that you think that he’s losing interest and wants to end the relationship. Tell him that you want an honest answer, that if it’s over he should say so. He’ll either admit that he wants out, or be shocked in to telling you what other reasons might be behind such an apparently non-committal attitude. Or, if he still can’t be bothered to have any kind of discussion about it at all, you should probably take ownership of the situation and end it yourself. You can’t go on forever with this uncertainty. It’s good that you realise that he could be ducking out though, you certainly should be preparing yourself for the possibility that this isn’t going to work, but do all you can to get your answers from him. Any relationship, but especially a long-distance one, needs a lot of effort from both people, but it sounds like your effort is entirely one-way.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, bubbletea +, writes (8 July 2012):
 if you think that you will be eventually be together, then continue that ldr situation, you have to talked to him, if he willing to have commitment with you ? how old are you? and your bf? you have to be positive always. if your bf is so overthinking and always analyze things then its your part to be positive. if his mind has a question mark. you have to be put the answer there. your decision your plans. for both of you . you have to be the voice . if he cant deal and decide for bot of you. my ldr bf is like that too. hes sonfuse about our future together. but im not giving up. . so let things passed if you really feel that this guy will be your man in the future
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