A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello All!I am having some difficulties with my parents not approving of my engagement. My fiance and I have been together for 2 years, I am 20, he is 23. We live in our own home, pay our own bills, we are both in college, and are both working as well. We're ridiculously happy. I have never been able to be my real self in front of anyone like I am with him, and he always has my back. We're best friends (and were friends for 5 years before we even started dating!)We told my parents that we were engaged a few months ago, and their response broke my heart. I cried the whole drive home. I got a "you're way too young" and frown from my mom, a nearly silent sneer from my dad. This has been the happiest time of my life, where I actually feel loved and respected and have my life coming together, and they basically spit on it.They seem to get along with my fiance just fine otherwise. He has had some financial struggles in the past, but he's doing well now (as well as a young college guy can). He's a quiet chap, and sometimes comes off as not very friendly because of it, but he is a good man and I feel we're a wonderful match. I know we're young and relatively inexperienced, but I strongly feel this is the right thing for us. And we are waiting a year anyway. Why are my parents so opposed to our marriage? Don't they realize that this has trampled on my happiness? I don't know what to do, but they're disapproval is making me sad to even think about the wedding, knowing that they won't be happy for us. Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): Can I just say that my mother was married before she was 25 and that her marriage has never had any issues and that my mum and dad have been together far longer now than since they were apart and that they got engaged after about a year. So it is all relative to the couple. Also, an early engagement doesn't mean an immediate wedding - they can wait until they are (well or just) out of college. OP, I would do what you feel is best for YOU and your other half, don't let any one else tell you how to live your life, especially when I can't see you making a mistake. Prove to them you're not too young, letting this get to you will only make it seem like they were right all along.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): "Why are my parents so opposed to our marriage?"As a guy probably a few years older than your parents, I agree 100% with person12345 and will add yet one more legit concern as stated in your own words: "He has had some financial struggles in the past . . ."Huge red flag, big difference between young college guy doing well enough to get by day-to-day and young college guy with a prior history of "some financial struggles." If I was your father, I'd want to know the details surrounding his previous money problems, and I'd want to know exactly what steps he took to make sure he does his best to avoid repeating them. From your father's perspective I'm envisioning a possible future scenario where you're drowning in debt thanks to your husband's financial irresponsibilty, and I'd be stuck having to loan/give my daughter a large chunk of my hard-earned money to bail you out while keeping a roof over your head, food on your table and clothes on your back. Worse, from your father's perspective I'm envisioning a possible future scenario where you're drowning in debt thanks to your husband's financial irresponsibilty, and I'd be stuck having to loan/give my daughter a large chunk of my hard-earned money to bail you out while keeping a roof over my grandchildren's heads, food on their table and clothes on their backs. Worst of all, from your father's perspective I'm envisioning a possible future scenario where you're drowning in debt thanks to your EX-husband's financial irresponsibilty, and I'd be stuck having to loan/give my daughter a large chunk of MY hard-earned money to bail you out while keeping MY roof over my grandchildren's heads, their food on MY table, and their clothes hanging in MY closets.""Why are my parents so opposed to our marriage?"Because the best predictor of future behavior is past behavior, and at this time fiance's track record isn't very good. Being able to pay your bills is not the same as being able to pay his debts, which upon your marriage will become your debts, which your parents would prefer that you not have to pay, especially if you can't and they can.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (11 July 2012):
Your parents are worried that it’s too much, too soon, and that their daughter is going to get hurt. Marriage is a huge commitment and perhaps they feel that it’s just too soon: it’s not an objection to your fiancé, but a fear that you’re rushing in to this. Of course the reality is that some people remain engaged for years, not least because a wedding is very expensive, and because they find that simply knowing that you want to marry each other one day is enough to keep you happy until the right time comes to go ahead with the wedding. What you need to do now is explain to your parents that you were hurt by their reaction, and that although you don’t agree with them, you understand their concerns, and respect their opinion. Then the proof will be in whether you remain together and happy or not. If you can take a mature and respectful stance with their opinion, and you can prove over time your continued commitment together, there is the possibility for them to be persuaded. It’s natural for them to be instinctively cautious, and though you might not like to hear it, your young age makes such caution all-the-more understandable.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 It's hard to let go of your baby.
Raining on your parade like that will not go down in their memories as one of their proudest parenting moments. Yes they're worried that you're too young, they're afraid that it won't work out. They should have put that aside and affirmed you, but they'll figure that out eventually. In the meantime, congratulations!
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (11 July 2012):
 You ARE too young. Couples who marry before age 25 have more than double the chance of getting divorced as those who wait. You've also only been together for 2 years, which relative to your whole life is nothing. You're still in college, there is no reason for you to be rushing into this like this. Every single couple I know who got married while in college or very soon thereafter is either divorced, in the process of getting a divorce, or well on their way to that. All of them were deliriously happy and well-suited for each other.
It's not because you aren't in love or because you're going to break up, but something about getting married so young seems to be the kiss of death to young love.
If you are making a lifelong commitment to each other, then nothing will be different in a few years except that you'll be more mature and ready to handle marriage. If you really are ready to make that kind of commitment to each other, there's no reason that commitment will change in a few years. If it does, you never would have made it being married anyways. And if it doesn't, then your wedding will be much more stress free knowing that the majority of your guests won't be sitting there thinking that you're too young. If you get married now, most of them will be.
Marriage takes a lot more financial security than simply being able to get by, and after college you will be more prepared for that.
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A
female
reader, jinxx +, writes (11 July 2012):
 You are young, and your parents probably want you to experience more of life before you settle down. That's what my mom has said to me in the past, anyway.
I'm not one to judge, and honestly, if you feel you are ready to be married now, then go for it! You're an adult and are capable of making your own decisions. Just make sure you think this through with your head, as well as your heart.
I'm sorry they don't approve, but as your parents they don't have to approve. If I were you, I'd hold off on a wedding until they are more on board. I'm sure you want them there with you, right?
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