A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am worried that I may have hurt someone by getting their hopes up. I have been single now for 18 months after ending a 7 year relationship and I am happy being single but lately I have been missing a bit of male company, the problem is that I not someone who can have casual sex and flings, for many different reasons including the fact that I use to experience discomfort during sex and so sex is a important thing to me which I can't do unless I really like the person I'm with, recently I began kissing a guy that is a friend, he is really sweet and has made it clear he likes me but I don't see him that way but due to a mix of drinking and feeling lonely we ended up going upstairs. I stopped the situation before it led to sex but he was still persistant and he wouldn't understand why I was saying no and at one point he even questioned my sexuality. I left the room and cried all night, I felt awful for leading him on and realised that I just couldn't have sex with someone I don't feel anything for. Am I awful for leading him on and what do I say to him next time I see him?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (8 July 2012):
Explain that you got carried away after too much to drink, that you understand that he wanted things to go further, but whilst the friendship means a lot to you, you do not want things to go any further. Tell him that you did not intend to lead him on, but that you realised that you didn’t want to have sex that night, and still do not want to. That might sound a little blunt but you’re feeling bad now because you think that you might have left him unclear about where he stands with you, so to fix that you have to clarify matters to him. You also need to stop beating yourself up about this so much. However bad you might feel about your actions that night, he didn’t exactly behave impeccably either. Persisting to try and get sex, then questioning your sexuality just because you stopped things wasn’t a decent thing to do. The right thing to do now is for you to put him straight, how he takes that is up to him.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (8 July 2012):
 I don't think you should feel too badly over this. I would communicate with him that you have come out of a 7 year relationship and not sure you want to be involved with anyone yet. Also that you didn't want your relationship to be just sex because you take sex very seriously. If he cares about you, he will understand...and should already. If someone says no, you stop immediately. I know it is not always a compfortable situation, but you stop. If he questioned your sexuality over this, I would consider dumping him as a "friend". You don't need people like this in your life...you need people who will be supportive and understanding.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 July 2012): LOL you are NOT awful, no is is no, you have the right to change your mind ANYTIME you want, even if you were married to the guy. Have some self respect, why should you feel obligated. You changed your mind , that is it. I would have gotten offended that he questioned my sexuality, what you want is what it goes! He just could not believe he was not being desired it was more of a blow to his ego.
Next time you see him say : "Sorry about last time, I'm just recently single, and I'm looking for anything not even a fling" or say " Sorry I changed my mind, I was jsut not into it anymore" Be honest, if he does not understand he is an idiot.
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