A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Here is my story. My bf and I are in a slump and a lot of crap has happened between us and now I'm being pressured by him. I feel super lost right now. I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly 2 1/2 years and before all the trouble began, we had reached a decision that we would have a baby at or around age 27. But then a year went by, and he began pressuring me into having a child. He would at first start by joking around running my belly and say "baby"? I would always told him soon. I guess he had gotten tired of that and he began drinking himself sick everyday. One day we had a super bad fight and we decided to take a break. Then the third day of our break he told me he cheated on me with a girl he met at a party. I was devestated! I didn't know what to feel. He had told me he was sorry and after a while I decided I could forgive him. But he keeps talking to her because she has two kids and left her bf for mine. But mine told her he wouldn't leave me and to get over what happened between them but he keeps talking to her. And today he told me he is unhappy with me which is why he cheated because I won't give him a baby, and that other girl said she would. But he doesn't want to be with her. Now he is pressuring me to move in to his moms house and I don't want to because she and his entire family hate me and make me feel shunned. One because they know I slapped him one time and they hate me because I'm not a real "Mexican" woman because I won't give him a baby. So obviously I don't want to live there. I told him live with me where my parents won't judge him or me over a kid. But he doesn't want to and keeps pressuring me to get off my birth control give him a baby move in and live happily ever after. But I can't do either one. First off he keeps talking to the girl he slept with after he swore to me he would change his number and tell her to stop texting him and hasn't. It's like me still talking to the guy I first slept with. I don't know what to do. I know I should have left him when he cheated and I always told myself I would leave a cheater but I foolishly took him back and still love him. But he keeps pressuring me to have a baby and live with him to show his family I am a committed woman. They want me to cook and clean for him, be a housewife and respect the men. But no! I ain't that kind of woman. I don't know what to do I'm being pressured by the man I love and his asshole family yet my family doesn't rush me into having a baby telling me I can wait. But that's what annoys my bf. Plus, we aren't even married and we probably never will because in his family the groom provides EVERYTHING and he has a minimum wage job. He is a manager but it's minimum. I always told him we need to be prepared for a kid and all he will ever say is see you don't have faith in me. And it makes me feel like crap! It almost makes me want to break down and let him get me pregnant. But I don't know. Help me I feel so pressured and lost..... And just so eveyone knows I'm 21 and he is 20...
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female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (14 July 2012):
 I agree with Cindy, NO to the babies.... there is NO reason to have them yet.
Cut your losses and dump him. He should cheat and he SURELY shouldn't pressure you into having a baby with him.
Can you imagine being STUCK with this guy? And his hump of a family?
Get out now, honey you have your WHOLE life in front of you and YOU can do a lot better then him
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 Oh great. He's only 20, minimum wage, drinks too much, cheats on you, his family hates you, and he incarnates the worst outdated oldfashioned macho Mexican stereotype (, of the kind one hopes it only still exists in some lame sitcom ). And, you are wondering what exactly... please remind me... if you have to let him get you pregnant of a child you don't want so that HE is happy ?... If you have to let him give you the life that HE wants for you and that you don't want ?....
That would seem a no brainer to me. Just say no, in fact NOOOO !. No babies, no moving in, nothing, but nothing that does not make YOU too really, totally , extatically happy.
What do you say, but then he'll get fed up and dump you ? Yes, could be. Possible. No big deal , in fact he'd be doping you a favour, Are you sure that you want to be with a cheater, and a controlling one as for that ?...
And are you sure that this relationship is eevn worth sweating about ?...You say his family hates you because you slapped him in the past ( btw, can't blame them, I'd haye you too if you had slapped my son.. ) and the point is not if he richly deserved being slapped , he probbaly did- But when physical abuse starts showing up in relationships, from either side... time to call it a day, most of the times it won't work and it will only get worse.
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A
female
reader, deirdre  +, writes (14 July 2012):
dont even think about having a baby with him, this isnt about a baby or your unwillingness to have one, it is about him and his many shortcomings as a boyfriend. you deserve better, and he must know that deep down too as he is pressurising you to have a baby which seems like a way to make you tied down to him. if he cheats on you before you are even committed he definitely will do it later down the line. sorry. you can do better than him, way better. he seems very immature, thinking you dont need to be prepared and have a plan before bringing a child into this world. that would be a disaster. good luck and well done for standing your ground.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (14 July 2012):
 She left her boyfriend to be with YOUR boyfriend. That alone tells you there was more than just one night of cheating. This is an ongoing affair. He still talks to her. She still wants to be with him.
He's pressuring you to have a child with him because he doesn't want you to leave him. That's what I think. He knows you'll leave soon, because he is having an on going affair (I don't buy that it was just that one time). But if you had a child with him he'd have you trapped, stuck to him for life. He wants his cake and to eat it too. He knows you wont stick around until age 27, by then you will have realized what a loser and a cheater he is long time ago. That's why he's rushing you.
You said you'd leave a man if he cheated on you. Well then do so. Leave. You tried to forgive, but things aren't better, they are bad. Just leave. You tried. You can't be expected to do more. Let him find his baby-maker elsewhere.
Your boyfriend is a douche, sorry. He wants YOU to show his family that YOU can commit, when he is the one who has a woman on the side. And yes, the texts haven't stopped because the affair hasn't stopped. If it was a one time thing he'd cut contact. This isn't a one time thing. All the signs point to him still hooking up with her.
You and your boyfriend do not want the same things in life. Find some else who makes you happy, not miserable.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (14 July 2012):
He is still cheating on you, keeping in contact with the other woman. How would he feel if the tables were turned and you were still talking to a man with whom you’d cheated on him? His behaviour is absolutely disgraceful! Disgraceful because he thinks that you not giving him a baby whenever he decides he wants one is an excuse to go and cheat, disgraceful because he spends all his time drinking and sleeping around and thinks that this is the responsible attitude of a parent, disgraceful because he doesn’t seem to care about how life-changing having a baby will be for you, he has no consideration of financial and practical issues, and he thinks that a baby is a solution to the mess that your relationship is in right now. Unfortunately, he seems to expect the same of you as his family does, but you should not be made to feel guilty because you don’t feel that the time to have a baby is right at the moment. You must wait until you’re ready, and he should respect it. Sadly your boyfriend doesn’t have any respect for you at all, he wants a baby so you should have one, he wants to live with his family so that’s what you’ll do. And if he wants to carry on talking to a girl with whom he cheated on you, you should accept that! But when does he consider things from your point of view? Does he care about your feelings? Does he care about how hurt you are? Unfortunately, everything points to the fact that he doesn’t. As painful as it might be, you should walk away from this relationship. Let him go back to this other girl if he wants, no doubt he’ll pile the pressure on her or whoever else the next woman is eventually, but you should walk away, and let your family support you because it will be difficult.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): "Is this relationship worth all the pressure he is putting on me to have a baby and move in with his parents?"No. Pressure from a controlling lying cheating jerk boyfriend and his "asshole family" (your words) is the absolute WORST reason to conceive a child.A baby is not a bargaining chip or commoditiy to be traded or dowry to be brought into a marriage and be "given" to a man, a baby is a human being. Why on earth are you even considering dooming any kid of yours to a hellish childhood with scumbag father and asshole grandparents? And why on earth do you still profess to "love" said scumbag who has treated you so shamefully and disrespectfully? Do you not have one speck of pride, dignity or brains? Run, don't walk away from this neanderthal loser and his caveman parents, and under no circumstances let him coerce you into an unwanted pregnancy, because if you do then you and your child will be miserable and unhappy for a long, long, long time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): First off he cheated and it must have been more than a one off encounter for the other woman to leave her bf for him. So letting him get you pregnant is not a good idea because 1)He cheated on you and 2) He could have given you an STI or give you one of you let him try and get you pregnant.
You are not the woman he wants you to become and you will be miserable trying. My advice to you is to be very strong and show him the door, dump him and tell him to have the other woman as you do not want a child this young and he has shown he cannot respect you wishes so it's over for good.
Do not give in to any sweet talk or promises, your heart will want to but in these circumstances your head will know it is all BS. Of course you will still love him but you must be sensible and see that this guy is not someone who you can trust or one that respects you. If you have a child with him you are tied to him forever more regardless if you split up and again he doesn't sound like someone you need in your life forever!
Read your post and see what we all see, a man that cheats, lies, bullies you into something you are not comfortable with etc... If this was someone else I am sure you would tell them to leave too? You want to be an independent woman but while you are with him, who has his families beliefs, you will not get that chance. Be strong, people are always on this website if times get tough and he wants you back and you just need words of encouragement to not let him back in your life then come back here. You know you deserve better. Good luck x
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