A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am trying to lose weight.I am not huge at all, but I am too big for my frame and would feel more confident if I lost weight. I also can’t eat a lot of sugary things as they make me feel ill and give me bad skin.My boyfriend knows this, or rather, I have told him this over and over again, yet he continues to bring back tons and tons of unhealthy food. He does not eat sweets himself, but if I ask him for one candy bar from the shop, he will bring me six. If I ask for a small box of sugary cereal that I like, he will bring me the biggest size they sell. I ask him to stop, and have now resorted to secretly throwing the things he brings me away, but then of course I feel guilty and also resentful because he has spent money on them. But I feel worse if I eat them, and if they are in the house, I get tempted and stressed out. If the stuff is not here, I am not tempted. I ask him why he does it and he says he ‘wants me to be happy’ but how can he really care if he keeps doing what I ask him not to?? I don’t want to eat unhealthy food and I don’t want to keep arguing about his sabotaging ways!If it matters, we’re both gay and in our early 30’s.
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male
reader, Biffo  +, writes (1 September 2012):
I've had a relationship like this!! Sounds oh so familiar. I had a boyfriend once, who whenever I started a diet and started to lose weight would say "I've made your favourite today. Mousse with milk and white chocolate" The answer is clear as day. Your boyfriend loves you very much. But he is afraid that if you get to your perfect weight, other guys will start to look in your direction. He is basically insecure and feels your love handles will stop the guys from looking at you. Tell him you love him and throw away the excess candy bars. That's what I did (well at first. Then I threw him away and kept the candy bars ha ha)
A
female
reader, Atsweet1  +, writes (5 August 2012):
 ask him why he buys it then tell him not to if he understands the issues then he can be proactive in solution even when you lose weight and gain confidence and leave so be it self preservation is important even if he brought home the chocolate factory self control we all have vices drink some women porn weed cigarettes we all battle these vices
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (9 July 2012):
Your sexuality is not important here. It’s perfectly understandable that this behaviour by your boyfriend is upsetting you. Although you do not have to eat the things he brings home, you’re unhappy that he seems to be going out of his way to bring temptation to your door in the forms of silly quantities of unhealthy food. And yes losing weight requires will power, effort and discipline, but he’s being most unhelpful and not encouraging you at all. He probably does on the one hand genuinely want you to be happy, but on the other hand he feels threatened by the possibility of you losing weight, because often when people do shift weight that they’ve been unhappy about for such a long time, they can become much more confident and outgoing, which their partners may regard as a change in personality. Perhaps you feeling unhappy about your weight makes him feel more secure and so he’s trying to be an enabler: enabling you to carry on following a diet that will hamper your efforts. It’s time to have a difficult conversation with him. Explain that you have not been eating the food that he’s been bringing home, and ask him only to buy what you ask for and not 10 times more. Tell him that you associate unhealthy food with your current weight, which makes you unhappy, and that what would really make you happy is his support. For example, what do you do for exercise? Could you ask him to come along to whatever you do, be it swimming, walking , going to the gym or whatever? Could you take responsibility for the cooking some of the time and make healthy meals for you both? Try not to just criticise him for what he’s doing wrong but include him in your healthier lifestyle: whether you’re dieting or not, healthier living is good for anyone.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): your bf is not sabotaging you, if you wanna lose weight don't ask for candy bars specially cause you know he'll bring a lot of candies ( and he's not force feeding you either).
I understand your bf, cause I bake cakes, and I know my brother loves them, mum says he's too fat and I should stop, but I like to indulge him, maybe it's bf's way of showing love, but try to show him that you're serious about your goal of losing weigh and instead ask him to join you at the gym or taking walks, whatever, just don't ask for him to buy you sweets ok.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): Am no it doesn't matter hehe.
OP it sounds to me like he's just trying to be nice to you. You ask him for something and he buys the biggest and best of whatever you ask him to get you. That's not a bad thing you know. That's a guy who seems to want to go beyond the call of duty for you. I mean is he that type of guy in general, the type that would do anything for you and loves to see you happy?
Be honest OP is he really trying to make you unhappy by doing this or is he doing it in a misguided way to make you happy?
Does want you to be fat and miserable or is he getting you lots of that thing so you don't run out soon and can indulge yourself without having to go buy some?
Now here's the cold hard, harsh truth OP from a guy who was very fat and worked his ass of to become ripped. Stop blaming your partner for your inability to lose weight in a time frame you'd like.
You're the one asking him for these things you say you shouldn't be eating, you're the one that can't resist temptation. Do you really want to change this guy from being a guy who falls over himself to make you happy into to one who panders to your weight problem and become your punching bag that you blame for your weight issue not being solved? he doesn't deserve that does he? This your personal issue that you need to fix, he's just trying to be nice.
OP first off you don't "try" to lose weight, you either are losing weight or you're not. Nobody ever achieved anything by "trying" only by doing. Trying is what failures say, trying is what people say when they're not actually doing anything about it. Stop being one of those guys.
First off if you're dieting to lose weight, stop that and eat what you like but portion it better, that way it's not about temptation, it doesn't take will power and it's something you can continue on with but also still enjoy your favourite foods. Secondly it's time to start a work out routine that involves weights and some cardio. Nothing burns fat off or gives you that toned look faster than weights. Thirdly patience be patient and throw out your weighing scales, you want to look and feel better right? You think a number on a machine is going to do that more than what you see in the mirror? No, let the mirror be your judge of progress OP and don't put a time limit on it either. That way you'll never fail because you'll as long as work out and eat well you'll keep looking better and better.
You see OP your weight is not the issue, I'm in the overweight BMI category for my height yet I have a very impressive 8 pack and pecks you could forge a sword on. you want to reduce your body fat percentage, so just portion right and work out. No need for low fat crap, no need to give up any foods just add exercise to life.
I eat unhealthy food all the time, but I eat a lot more healthy food because I need a lot of calories just to balance my regime. I don't plan how much I eat, I don't sit there counting calories I just eat what I enjoy, work out as part of my life and not even a big part and my body just turned out this way on its own with no real thought or stress, or pressure at all.
Stop trying, stop stressing and just get to work. Above all ask yourself is your weight really something that should be creating this much tension between you and he? What good is being more confident if it causes irreparable damage to this relationship?
Do not forget OP you want this because you want to improve your happiness don't you? So what use is letting it make you unhappy? Completely illogical isn't it? There are more important things in life OP and if this guy is a good guy then you'd do well to remember that.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (9 July 2012):
 Just because he brings them home does not mean you have to eat them. You could have my problem. I want to lose 10 pounds but my fiance likes me at the weight I'm at. HE FEEDS ME IN MY SLEEP.... the other night he woke me at 3 am to eat bacon... I kid you not...
DO NOT ask him for ONE candy bar... do NOT let him know that you indulge (do so when he's not around) it's not that you have to lie to him but many folks are very black and white about food and figure if you eat candy once you will eat it again....
it's his choice to spend the money...
chocolate and junk makes me happy and I love it and my guy loves to feed me ice cream and bad stuff... but when I say NO he keeps trying till I keep saying NO....
He does care. He thinks that the chocolate ALWAYS makes you happy... he can't see that it's a once in a while thing (and that's a good thing)
BTW clearly your age, gender, and sexual orientation don't matter... I'm 52 female and my fiance is 39 yr old male...
so see this problem spans all ages, races, sexes and relationships.
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