| A
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes: I have slept with 5 people, all except for one were one night stands. During my long term relationship I don’t ever remember thinking sex was amazing, my ex was selfish towards his needs. Now that I have been single for 2 and a half years, I have had a few one night stands, based on the fact that I felt horny and the timing was right. On one occasion, I was extremely physically attracted to him and for the whole experience he was amazing, but I could not allow myself to relax and release my inhibitions but in my head I wanted it so bad as a result I did not cum and the sex became dry and painful. Can anyone tell me why is this? Will it change with the more partners I have or am I not into men?
View related questions:
horny, my ex, one night stand Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 July 2012):
 It is still possible to keep one of the guys who approach you for casual sex, and keep him on a more steady basis. That way you'll get to know him sexually, and can have enjoyable sex, while you're still looking for someone more suitable to be in a relationship with.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone for your varied comments, based on your comments I have come to a few conclusions. I agree that ONS require instant pleasure, creating pressure. Not knowing these men I became overwhelmed by their hot looks and therefore made me self-conscious, and being unfamiliar with the surroundings made me uncomfortable to lose my inhibitions. I did make an effort and when I masturbate I am able to pleasure myself. Yes I was very satisfied with the encounter it just that they would tell me to “try and not hold back” and as I thought I wasn’t I began to question it.
Being in a loving relationship would be perfect, but and I haven’t found anyone and therefore decided on an ONS after not having sex for a year. After reading these comments I guess ONS are not for me.
...............................
A
female
reader, person12345  +, writes (9 July 2012):
 It's very simple, the sex sucks because you're having one night stands. Very few women have orgasms from one night stands because for most women we need to be comfortable sharing our often complicated ways to get off. Not only that, but a lot of women feel pretty self-conscious with a new guy and it's impossible to focus on sensations rather than "does my stomach look flabby from this angle?" If you want sex to feel good try to find a boyfriend to have sex with, someone you can trust and who can learn your specific sex quirks.
Also if you don't know what gets off, you should start learning so you can share that with your future partner.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2012): OP you do know that most women never cum during sex right? Only through clitoral stimulation. You're probably just one of those women and will have to be satisfied with it feeling amazing but not climaxing.
Seriously, try climaxing with a non-vibrating dildo, you may just not be capable of a penetrative orgasm.
...............................
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (9 July 2012):
Sex is great when you believe that it was great, I suppose. IT’s a tough question to answer, but if it’s pleasurable and if you enjoy the experience then for you it was great. IT sounds like you weren’t emotionally ready for these one night stands and that you’ve had some bad experiences. Unfortunately what a lot of people fail to realise is that a satisfying sex life relies on good communication: telling each other what you like and dislike, experimenting and learning about each other together. That’s why great sex is best had in a committed, loving relationship. A one night stand is all about instant pleasure and so the pressure can be too much. Everything hinges on one encounter because the purpose of it isn’t to express your love for each other, so there’s no second chance or time to learn together. So one night stands offer little possibility of truly thrilling sex.
I wish you all the very best.
...............................
A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (9 July 2012):
 I think sex is great when you are having it with someone you love. That may be why one night stands were not good for you. If you're with someone you love, you are more likely to let your inhibitions down. You want to pleasure the other person as much as you want yourself to be pleasured. I can't say sex is always great with someone you love. If the person is selfish and doesn't really care, sex or intimacy in general can be horrible. I have only had one terrific sexual experience and that was with my ex. We were together 9 years and I was in love with him. So, I can understand how you feel. I have been attracted to other men, but I have not been as passionate about other men as I was with him, so it isn't the same. I think it will change if you find that person you connect with, develop real intimacy with, and extremely passionate about.
...............................
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (9 July 2012):
Lose your inhibitions and I think you'll have a much better time at sex. You also need to STOP when you become dry or/and when it hurts. Sex should never hurt. Tell the man to stop if it is uncomfortable.
Have you ever brought yourself to climax? Have you ever had an orgasm? Masturbation is sex. If you love touching yourself and can make yourself feel good, then I assure nothing is wrong with you, and sex does feel good for you as well. It sounds more like it was a bad choice of a boyfriend, in addition a couple of one night stands that ended up in painful sex, that is the cause of this worry. Nothing at all wrong with your body or ability to enjoy sex.
I suggest you find a steady partner. Not necessarily a boyfriend, but maybe a lover. Someone you can meet several times in order for you to learn to relax and enjoy yourself. And TAKE CONTROL. Don't just lie there and wait for him to finish. Move, make yourself comfortable! You are the one who is responsible for making YOU feel good. Move positions, take charge, move your hips, thrust, play and have fun with sex.
...............................
|
