A
female
age
26-29,
*emmaa
writes:My father's moving abroad while my brother and I are remaining here with our mother; but of course we're completely dreading him leaving but he seems to be counting the days until he leaves to be with his new girlfriend and her children. The other day my dad completely blanked me and my brother for over an hour because he was texting this woman (we only get to see him a few times a week) and I felt extremely hurt by this.My dad decided he was going to take presents for his new girl friends children (a boy and girl) and made me and my brother pick things we would like so he can buy them. This kind of hurt a little and when my mum tried to explain this to my dad he lost his temper and told me that I was completely out of order for being annoyed about the gifts and the texts.But worse than this I feel like I'm loosing my dad to these other children (their around the same age as my brother and I) because they sent him a fathers day card! I feel like that was out of order but my dad doesn't feel that way.And finally my dad promised (in front of my mum, brother and step-dad) that he would take me to see a movie since we spend no alone time together whilst he does with my brother. And a few days later when I suggested a movie he denied promising this and called me a liar, even when my mum and brother told him they heard him he said that he did not say it and if he did he must have been joking and that I was out of order being annoyed at him for all of this. Am I? I just feel like I'm loosing my dad and he leaves in just a few weeks! Please tell me if I'm in the wrong?
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male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (10 July 2012):
It’s understandable that your father is making such an effort with his partner’s children, as he’ll need to have a good relationship with them in order for his relationship with his girlfriend to work. However, he does not seem to understand the impact that is departure is going to have on you and your brother and for trying to get him to spend some quality time with you before he leaves, you’re not in the wrong at all. All you can do is try to get that impact on you across to him, and how he responds to it is really up to him.
Ask him to find some time to commit to spending with you and your brother to talk about the move. Explain that although you understand that he has his own life to live and has made the right choices for him, you are going to miss him, that it’s going to be hard for you to get used to him not being around and that you want to spend as much time with him as you can before he leaves. Explain to him how much you would like him to stay in regular contact when he moves too. Tell him that when you complained about the texting and picking gifts for his step children, it wasn’t out of jealousy or spite, it was because you felt frustrated that you weren’t focussing on just you and him having quality time as father and daughter, and that you really need your dad to be there for you at the moment. Once you’ve done that, all you can do is hope that he’ll respond in a decent way, and if he doesn’t the failure is his. Make sure that you and your brother give plenty of support to each other, whatever happens.
I wish you all the very best.
A
female
reader, Heyshorty16  +, writes (10 July 2012):
 Belive me I know excatly what your saying. Im an only child and my parents are divorced. My moms and alcoholic so I really can't rely on her, but my dads been in this relationship with a women and she has two kids both girls. They are both young and he buys them the world. Mind you I'm 16 I really can't buy my own things because Im not aloud to get a job. What I do to manage the neglect I get from my father is I talked to him about it, even though it didn't do much I pointed out he doesn't pay shit for me but spoiled his gfs kids. After not talking to him he realized he couldn't live without me. My advice would be to talk to him, if he doesn't listen then lose contact, he will soon relize that it's family over girlfriends and he will be missing you. It worked for me so I hope it works for you.
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A
female
reader, Aunty Susie  +, writes (10 July 2012):
 If you have explained to your father how his behaviour has been making you feel, I can't see what more you can do. You are justified in feeling the way that you do, so don't doubt yourself. You will have to be the grown-up in the relationship with your father, as he appears to be thoughtless and a little on the selfish side. Possibly, after he moves away from you, and the novelty of his new life starts to wear off, he'll come to realise that he misses you and your brother, and the mistakes that he has made. So it might be a matter of waiting to see what happens, though it may take some time. In the mean time, get on with your life, try and not give him too much thought. Relationships can be very hard work sometimes, even with parents (and those should be the easiest of all!!). Try and focus on the good things going on in your life. All the best. xx
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