A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So there is this guy I met at work and we have been hanging out for a couple months now. At first I thought he really liked me, we hang out by ourselves all the time, he is really sweet and we get along so well. Every time we hang out he gives me all these compliments, pays for everything and at the end of the night these really nice long hugs and almost seems like he wants to kiss me. Other than that he has not made a move. I talked to him about a month ago and told him I liked him and was curious how he felt. He said he just wanted to be friends. And I was ok with that. But the hanging out, flirting, etc. continued after the conversation and even got stronger. He still never tried to kiss me or anything but I feel like it was getting to that point. A couple days ago he had a party and asked me to come. I couldn't make it I had other plans. Well, I find out he hooked up with this girl at the party and now he supposedly wants to see where things go with the 2 of them. He only met her at the party, never knew her before, and were both drunk. And now He is actually bringing her out on a date!!! I feel like if I was at the party we would have hooked up and I lost my chance. This was a couple days ago. Then just last night we hung out again on his boat and went star gazing. There were other people there but he made sure to come over to me and cuddle up next to me on the seat and lay down with me very closely and intimately to look at the stars. The whole time we were chatting like normal and I swear I felt the connection once again. But at the end of the night... still no kiss, nothing... So when I got home I texted him and asked him whats up and he still says he just wants to be friends. I don't understand this!!!! If he is interested in me why doesn't he make a move, if he's not interested then why is he acting like this, and if he wants to date this other girl (which he told me himself that he did) then why is he doing this? I feel like if I was at the party something would have happened, and the only reason this girl is in the picture now is because I wasn't there. Besides everyone telling me he is a player, can someone please help me get things back on track with us, how do I get him to make a move with me and forget about this other girl?
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female
reader, IamJess +, writes (10 July 2012):
 I think as hard as it is to hear this you might be the only one feeling the connection. He really might just want to be friends, and friendly invited you to the party it wasn't just a way of saying "I'll hook up with you" your his friend therefore he's going to invite you to things he wants to.
They see things in a totally different way to girls, star gazing might not even have being romantic to him, and he's trying to stay friends with you even though you have feelings for him. He even told you he wants to date this girl - if he wanted to date you I'm sure he wouldn't of told you that.
I think you need to realize that you and him aren't going to work and just move on, there's someone right out there for you, and not someone that doesn't feel the same way back. No use hanging onto something thats just not there.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (10 July 2012):
Here’s the blunt truth: you didn’t miss your chance because you never had a chance in the first place. You talk about feeling this connection, and you seem to assume that if you felt it so strongly, he must have done too. Well, obviously he didn’t. How many times does he have to tell you that he only wants a friendship with you for you to get the message? Perhaps you’re misreading his behaviour as flirty when actually he’s just being relaxed in your company because he considers you a good friend. But even if he is flirting for whatever reason, he’s made it clear that nothing’s going to happen. As for making him forget about the other girl, how do you propose to do that? You can’t make him feel something he doesn’t. You’ve already told him how you feel, and he’s done the same, so accept it! As for your belief that things would have been different if you’d gone to the party, get real! If he wanted you, he wouldn’t have given up just because you didn’t go to a party. He’s had months of knowing that all he has to do is say the word, because he knows you’re interested, and he hasn’t done so. He isn’t interested in you.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, MissMax  +, writes (10 July 2012):
 Sweetheart, give it a rest. Sounds like you're his "lonely" girl. The one that he gets to hang-out/flirt with when he doesn't have somebody warming his bed at the moment. Honestly? I don't think he's interested in you, just the fun you allow him to have with you. I think it'd be best to let him go and open yourself up to somebody that might actually want something with you
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2012): You seem more jealous of the girl than you seem to actually like him...I would say reevaluate your priorities.
The first part of your story indicates that this guy is quite shy, the second part indicates that he's just indecisive and ambivalent. Personally, I think he just wants one of you two to make a move so he doesn't haven't to take responsibility for initiating. I also happen to think he likes flirting with you because he enjoys the attention you give him.
Imagine for a moment that you were the other girl he's supposedly interested in seeing and you watched him snuggling and flirting with another woman or taking them out on what are essentially dates.
Even if he did make a move and date you, would you be happy with him if this the sort of behavior you could anticipate? Rather than worry about what you're losing, have you ever asked yourself, what you want? He seems nice enough, but I think he's just enjoying the attention...for all you know he might be saying the same thing to her.
I'd say step back from it for a while and give your obsession a rest.
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