A
male
age
51-59,
*ichard.S
writes:I am a virgin at 44 and was looking for advice on how to remedy the situation. In my case i have always had comments aimed at me because i'm let's say not exactly nice-looking. Ugly in fact, let's not beat about the bush.Because of this i have never particularly liked bars and clubs and am too old for them now. I prefer quieter places such as countryside pubs with food restaurants. But i always try and dress at best as i can and try to be well groomed but it never seems to make any difference because i have no redeeming features to set this off against.I never received replies on internet dating sites and was thinking recently of going to an escort (properly run place) to try and lose my virginity. Is this a good idea?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): I understand how you feel. I also feel your frustration for not ever having sexual contact with a woman. You can do the escourt thing. I do not believe it would have any serious effects on you. You should also consider there are many women just like you out there and I'm sure you could find someone on dating sites. I've had great results with a mostly free popular dating site, and I'm no Prince Charming. Women want it too and much prefer some kind of relationship before sex. Having a regular thing is nice.
A
male
reader, Richard.S +, writes (14 July 2012):
Richard.S is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have also thought about signing on at a gym again. I was a member between the ages of 28 and 35.
Actually i don't even judge myself on looks really-i can only go on what i have been told and what i've heard people say about me. It isn't nice-what can you do?
I have plenty of interests and work full-time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): You can very rarely find a real beatifull person. Most people are average looking or not good looking at all. Also there is a matter of taste. I was called many times ugly and even scary looking when I was teenager by another teenagers so many times. And now looking at my pictures I can't understand how such a pretty girl could be called ugly, just doesn't settle right in my head.But I had a lot of suffering because of that. I had a beatifull friend, and though I loved her, I couldn't help but being upset that when we go out, guys so obviously ignore me, and all over her, and it was my very young years.Now in my 40s I hear all the time how pretty I'm, and young guys hit on me all the time. My beatifull daughter with delicate features was told constantly when she was a child that she has a big nose. I don't think you being a virgin is a result of your "ugliness" . Everyone at one point get laid. Most of the time its personality issue.I don't see anything wrong with hiring escort. Most powerful people have done it, that could have anybody, but they would hire escort and pay thousands to have exactly what they want. I d say go for it.
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A
female
reader, 1sunshine  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 No don't buy an escort! It will lower your self esteem even more. Be proud that you haven't had sex just to say that you aren't a virgin anymore! Wait for that special person. I am 41 and failed at my marriage and had sex with the wrong people throughout my life and I regret those mistakes... You need to turn your life around. Try new things, go to new places! Read books about relationships. Take a cooking class, art maybe? Something you like to do. You can meet new people in classes and interact with a new circle of friends. It sounds like you need some new contributions in your life. Maybe meet someone special. :)Don't give up! We are all unhappy in one way or another. Nobody has a perfect life. I love this DearCupid site. Everyone with all sorts of problems from all around the world come on here to help and be helped. ;) Good luck!
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (13 July 2012):
It would be pointless. You would then simply be adding the fact that you had to go to an escort to get sex to the list of negative thoughts you have about yourself. That’s the real issue here, anxieties about being a virgin are just part of a generally poor picture that you have of yourself.
You mustn’t assume that there’s anything wrong with you. Whilst people often come up with cliché phrases about how “there’s some-one for everyone,” and that you just have to wait for “the right person” as though knowing the person you meet is right is the most obvious thing in the world, they do hit on something interesting. That interesting something is the fact that whatever kind of personality you have, or however you look, there’s always an element of luck if you happen to meet some-one at a more typical age than yours. No-one has yet come up with a reason why some people aren’t, despite their best efforts, able to get a relationship. These people are not obvious, they don’t look a certain way, and their social skills are often no different to their contemporaries. Why can’t they just be unlucky then? So you should really be reassured that there’s nothing wrong with you. As for people not replying on internet sites, that goes with the territory and happens to everyone. What you need to be very careful about is letting your lack of relationships cause you to become withdrawn and isolated. There’s a risk that you’ll put so much emotionally in to having sex that you’ll forget about all the other things in life: forming friendships, going out (by the way a club is a bad place to meet people anyway), and spending time on whatever leisure activities you enjoy, finding groups of like-minded people where you can. There are two reasons for this: your relationship worries shouldn’t dominate your life and you can still be fulfilled in other ways, but also because your social life exposes you to people, and they are given the opportunity to find out what you’re like as a person. Of course it’s impossible to say if or when you’ll meet some-one for a relationship, but trying to be as outgoing as you can puts you in contact with the greatest number of people. You should focus on getting to know people without expecting anything at first, but just enjoy finding out about them and letting them find out about you. Why? Because friendships matter! And, the best relationships usually start from a strong friendship. Is this easy? No! But there is one final cliché, and this one I rather like and believe to be true. That is that nothing that’s worth doing is easy.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): If you can afford it and you take all the necessary precautions not to get any bad diseases, WHY NOT? Let me tell you what I think about your situation. Don't think of it like "trying to lose my virginity". Attaching some special status and sentiments to virginity is ok if you are a teenager. The main thing is, YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY and you are old enough to run your life whatever way you want. But don't by any means put yourself down in your mind thinking "I am not good enough. That is why I have to go to an escort". Many actors and such celebrities, who can get as many women as they want to sleep with them for free, hire escorts. Relationships can be a headache. So many relationships end in heartbreak. So not being in a relationship is not that bad as you might think. Be happy with who you are and enjoy your life. I must add that I believe that there must be women who will like you. But you can't be waiting forever for things to happen. So give yourself the happiness that you deserve. Good luck!
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Is this a good idea for who?
what is the point of losing your virginity to an escort?
I doubt you are ugly...
I am thinking that your bigger problem is self-esteem...
will that improve if you are not a virgin and have lost it via an escort... I doubt it.
Redeeming features in a man:
generosity
intelligence
humor about the world and himself
confidence
kindness
maturity
gentleness
do you have those things?
do you work full time?
did you go to school?
what hobbies to you have?
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A
female
reader, DanceInTheDark  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Sure.
It's not going to do anything other than make you not a virgin. It's not going to give you any extra social skills, or make you decent in bed.
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A
female
reader, cute angel  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 Hey first off you need to get rid of all these negative vibes!you've got to stop being soo negative about yourself..listen to lmfao-i'm sexy and I know it;) every morning you'l feel better..On a serious note,you make think the most important thing right now is to lose your virginity but when you do it with an escort you'l regret it later on in life when you meet that girl who u like and wonder shldnt she the one who I lost it to than some random escort!!So don't take hasty decisions,your 44 and a virgin?sooo?atleast you had morals and just dint lose it to someone or anyone..you shld give credit to yourself for that..next time you see someone you like,approach offerr to buy her a drink go to clubs,get out of your comfort zone only then would you know what you really like..All the best!!
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A
female
reader, sprite +, writes (13 July 2012):
Richard it makes me sad to hear you say you are ugly because in the end it isn't all about looks. I've heard it said there is someone for everyone. Look around you - the majority of people are not goodlooking. Could it be your self esteem is low so that you see yourself as ugly? I'm a very average looking person but people have said unkind things to me too. It hurts but try not to let it destroy your confidence.Its obviously important to you that you lose your virginity and if you want to pay for it that's up to you but remember it wont mean a thing to the person you are with, it will be just a job. Is that what you really want? Have you tried singles clubs? Do you have any friends you can visit new places with?Practice being confident as lots of people find that a very attractive quality - looks are only part of being attractive to the opposite sex. Havent you ever heard women complain that a guy was goodlooking but dull?Try a little longer to find a girlfriend naturally but if being a virgin is really bugging you, you could pay for it. Dont expect it to be earth shattering though. Good luck.
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