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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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My husband is a selfish pig but I don't want to be a lone parent!
Q. I have been married for 3 years and I have just had our first child. Although it was not a planned pregnancy my husband and I always knew we wanted children so were both delighted when we found out. Shortly after the celebrations died down my ...
A. 13 June 2006: Well this is partly his fault, and partly yours. Sure this guy is behaving badly but as his wife, why are you letting him get away with it? If my husband rang me to pick him up from the pub at silly o'clock, he would know what sort of response to ... (read in full...)
How do I get through the World Cup ? Need some attention from him, any ideas!?
Q. I know many women will be able to sympathise with me on this problem - I'm sick of my man leaving me alone to watch the World Cup!!! He's mad about football but now, there's like 3 matches on a day and I never get any attention whatsoever!! Mos...
A. 12 June 2006: Greetings from a fellow football widow...well I actually like the game, but the world cup is OTT. I suggest that you wait until his favourite game is due to start and take the fuse out of the TV set! I have a rule in my house that means any games ... (read in full...)
My father in law is still harrassing me
Q. Hi, I'm back again with "I am not comfortable with the attention I'm getting from my husband's father!". I know it should tell my hubby about this matter but I am SO AFRAID! DAMN AFRAID! Yesterday, we visited my in-law again as my sis in-law i...
A. 12 June 2006: I don't know what sort of relationship you have with your husband, but you must let him know some-how. Basically, your father in law gets his kicks from the secrecy and power of the situation, as much as the sexual contact he aspires to. By ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend is being difficult!
Q. I'm going through hell with my b.f of 1 yr! Saturday, I found him chatting with his ex (whom he dumped miserably while she was pregnant... for me. She had an abortion). Everything was fine till Friday. And on Saturday I had the feeling somethin...
A. 12 June 2006: I agree with the others but wanted to add that you have to take some personal responsibility for the way that your relationship is turning out. Your BF is hardly a gent if he walked out on his pregnant ex for you, or cheating on you in the past. ... (read in full...)
Will my personality affect my chances of a long-term relationship??
Q. I'm worried that my personality could affect me from having a long term relationship with a girl. I'll have to explain why. I must admit I hated high school. I was bullied for the entire 5 years I was there by the same person. He would make fun of m...
A. 11 June 2006: You shouldn't feel bad about this, or let it plague your adult life. Basically the problem is with the bully, not the victim - they are very unhappy people who lash out at others because it is their only comfort. Teachers are sometimes not very ... (read in full...)
I am worried about a trip to the beach with my girlfriend
Q. My girlfriend asked if I wanted to go to the beach one weekend and I said yes. We're going in about a weeks time but I'm starting to feel insecure because she's fairly tanned all over her body. Whilst my arms and head are tanned but my torso is ...
A. 10 June 2006: I am sure your girlfriend isnt so superficial that your tan, or lack of, will bother her. Lets face it, if she dumped you over something so trivial then she wouldn't be worthy of your attention. If you don't want to look like a zebra on the beach ... (read in full...)
I fancy my mechanic, what shall I do?
Q. I need some help. I met this man at his shop through my driving instructer and I'm going to buy a car from him. I gave him my number to call me when the car was ready. I went to his shop last week and he was fixing it all up for me and he'll let ...
A. 10 June 2006: There are two things for you to think about. Firstly, I am sure your driving instructor is on commission with this guy for referring customers to him. He probably takes girls and boys to the car dealer - hot or not - just to get some money. ... (read in full...)
Is it ok to be a hairy girl?
Q. is it ok for a girl to be hairy every where?...
A. 10 June 2006: It depends how hairy is hairy! With media pressure to wax yourself to an inch of your life then you have to decide how much hair you have got. Lots of women have hairy legs etc because they are naturally dark haired. However, there are certain ... (read in full...)
I am 22 and I have never had a boyfriend!
Q. I am 22 years old and i have never had a boyfriend boys just arnt intrested in me im not very attractive and i feel i am destined to be alone forever i am very lonely. i have lots of friends im friendly i have lots of interests and get out loads so ...
A. 10 June 2006: I was a late bloomer, and didn't have a proper boyfriend until I was 22. If I am honest, I found dating in my 20's just horrible because younger men tend to be out for a bit of fun, a bit immature, jealous etc (...well that is my experience anyway). ... (read in full...)
Is it ok not to tell your mother things?
Q. is it a bad thing if your afraid to tell your mom things or even ask her questions?? ...
A. 10 June 2006: It is perfectly natural not to want to tell your parents personal stuff sometimes, and to be a little scared of them...I am 34 and my mother still scares the hell out of me! However, if you don't have a great relationship with your Mum then you ... (read in full...)
I want to be exciting for my boyfriend
Q. hi im 15 an just started going out with a boy. i dont want our relationship to be boring so i want to make it exciting. but i dont know how. i wanna just hug and make out but i wanna make myself seem really exciting to him. but i dont know how, any ...
A. 10 June 2006: There is no point trying to be exciting...this boy has just got to like you for who you are, rather than who you are pretending to be. So just be yourself as it is far less stressful! That doesn't mean that you cannot put some effort into your ... (read in full...)
I am a virgin and a bit confused about sex
Q. i am a virgin and im confused. when u have sex for the first time my mates have told me something pops when u have it to say u are not a virgin anymore. and apparently the thing that pops really hurts when it pops or something like that. what are ...
A. 10 June 2006: I am sure your friends have been telling you all sorts of gory stories. The thing that 'pops' is called a hymen which is a band of skin inside the vagina that breaks on first intercourse - sometimes it stings a bit, sometimes women bleed a little ... (read in full...)
I think I caught something from the boy that I had sex with...what can I do?
Q. hiya, im 15 and iv had sex with 4 boys! i last had sex with a boy about a month ago, in the last 2weeks iv been having realy bad discharge. the boy i had sex with is not my boyfriend and i know that hes had oral sex many times but never had sex i ...
A. 8 June 2006: You have bad discharge because you have had unprotected sex with four boys at 15! It should be treated by a doctor because you may have a condition that affects your future fertility. You also need to be hooked into cervical screening services ... (read in full...)
He was a real brute in the bedroom and forced himself on me, and then couldnt understand why i chucked him out! Do men get kicks out hurting women during sex ?
Q. hiya everyone, this is my sister in laws account. she recomend i go on here with my problem as she didnt really to know my problem. well im not sure if this is going to get posted because its a little extreme but if it does, oh please some one help. ...
A. 8 June 2006: You may have given consent to have a normal sexual relationship with him but you didn't consent to anal sex, physical pain or force. Under the law rape can be non-consensual sex at any stage - that means that you can get into bed for sex with a man, ... (read in full...)
Want to look good for the guys but I have a sweaty-back problem!
Q. I'm trying to stay cool and look good for all the guys in the summer coming up but i have an embarassing problem. My back sweats uncontrolably. I'v tried everything to prevent this from happening but it just keeps happening every time i go outside. ...
A. 8 June 2006: If the problem is really bad you can get specialist deoderant sprays on prescription from a doctor, or at some beauty clinics - aluminum chloride should be in the product list. However, if it is just a minor issue then remember that it is important ... (read in full...)
As a Nice Guy, am I destined to finish last with women?
Q. Thanks to all the ladies who posted to my last question but even though their advice was sound I have another question. Why is it that nice guys finish last? I mean all I've ever done is treat women with nothing but respect and I treat ...
A. 8 June 2006: Why is it that nice guys finish last? It is not true, it just appears that way in the media etc as the 'love rat' is somewhat glorified (no idea why!). As women get older and want to settle down then they are looking for someone reliable, nice and ... (read in full...)
My friend is too scared of his abuser to get help!
Q. I really need your help. My male friend has told me he is being abused. His abuser beats him badly. No one knows apart from me. He says that if he tells anyone, his abuser will kill him. He is so scared and I wanna help him but don't know how and ...
A. 8 June 2006: I am an expert in child protection and domestic violence. I have worked with many families affected by these issues. The perpetrator will often threaten the victim with consequences to reporting the 'secret abuse' as part of the power-relationship. ... (read in full...)
BF says I only look good wearing make-up & mini-skirts!
Q. I would really like if someone could help me because I'm hurting really bad. I've been with my boyfriend for a little over a year. He is 4 years younger than me and when we first started going out he was doing all the running. Lately he is always ...
A. 8 June 2006: This bloke has serious self confidence issues of his own and he is lashing out at you as he is being very insecure. People who are 100% ok about themselves rarely lash out this way. However, personally if a man said that I only looked good when I ... (read in full...)
he was so in to me..then he went cold, suddenly. Was it really our age gap or something else?
Q. First off I will tell you that there is an age gap between me and my man, I am 34 and he is 20. We met last August and to be honest when we first met I didn’t know his age and he certainly didn’t look 20! He thought I was a lot younger too! But by ...
A. 7 June 2006: Age gap relationships can work as I am 34, and my husband is just 24! However I get a lot of hostility about it from family (...well they just don't speak to me at the moment) mainly about the age difference. It is my view that age is only a problem ... (read in full...)
I need a mole removed on my back but I don't know how to go about it...
Q. can i have more answers plz. i have a finger tip size mole on my back and i am so self conscience about it. im 16. what age do you have to be to get it removed? also i dont wanna ask my mum if i can get it removed cos its embaressing, i dont wanna ...
A. 7 June 2006: At 16 you are free to go and see your GP on your own without parental permission. Anything you discuss with your doctor is confidential. S/he would probably make a referral to the local dermatologist doctor at the hospital with a view to taking a ... (read in full...)
I think im in love, im only 13, we used to hang out all the time, now hes asked someone else out, why would he do this ?
Q. Hi im 13 and there is this guy that i am in love with.and well i told him that i like him a few months ago, and he said that he liked me too,and when we hung out together he would flirt with me..a lot,and he would take my cellphone and run behind a ...
A. 7 June 2006: You get an extra big hug from DrPsych. From my experience of working with young people, 13 is just a horrible age! Boys don't mature as fast as girls (boys in their teen years are not from mars, they are from another galaxy). You cannot possibly ... (read in full...)
We have been together for 4 years, I want a baby he doesnt, he doesnt want to move in, am I wasting my time ?
Q. hi i am going out with my boyfriend 4 years i have a child from another relationship i would love a baby with my boyfriend but he doesnt want 1. i have my own house and he doesnt want to move in i am 31 and he is 33 am i waisting my time with him he ...
A. 7 June 2006: I am about your age so I understand the body clock ticking thing. I don't think this man wants the sort of committed relationship that you are looking for, and you maybe his 'surrogate mother' when the other one is unavailable. If he did want ... (read in full...)
My parents won't let me live with my boyfriend
Q. I live in South Africa and am currently studying. I turn 18 next month and i want to know what age i am legally aloud to leave home and live with my boyfriend? my parents say i cant live with a guy until im married or 21! please help, i want out of ...
A. 7 June 2006: Your parents are just being protective (overprotective?). Some of the posts I read on this board are about much younger girls getting into all sorts of situations they shouldnt be and I ask myself where are the parents? At least in your case you ... (read in full...)
I have been dared to have a gang bang at 13!
Q. hi am a jade and i am quite young still i am 13 years and 11 months and i am quite average i like to wear girly clothes and do social thigns but yesterday i went bowling with 5 of my guy mates that i get along with really well. i enjoyed it and we ...
A. 6 June 2006: Hmmm what nice 'guy mates' you have! I can understand why you wouldn't want to get into an orgy at 13, or any age for that matter. You must know these guys are either joking or if they are serious then they are definitely not your 'mates'. I know ... (read in full...)
I want a relationship with my sister in law's brother
Q. Is it considered wrong to have a romantic relationship with my brother's wife's brother?...
A. 6 June 2006: There is nothing legally wrong with this sort of relationship because you are not related by blood. The only thing you need to figure out is how you will handle the situation if your relationship with this man goes wrong. If you date someone ... (read in full...)
Am I too young to get married?
Q. do you think im too young to get married? i am 19 and me and my boyfriend are thinking of getting married pretty quick but is it the right decision dont get me wrong i love him to pieces but.......
A. 6 June 2006: You are right to be concerned about getting married young. I know you love him but there are lots of other factors to consider too. Marriage is about more than love at the end of the day. It is about having the right financial and emotional balance ... (read in full...)
School ends and I might never see my crush again!
Q. I'm 13 years old.I only have 3 days left in School before it ends.I've never even talked to my crush.Can some one give me tips on asking her out?...
A. 6 June 2006: Just ask the girl on a date as life is too short. She may refuse but at least you don't have to see her again. I sent a boy a valentines card when I was 15 under significant peer pressure, and he humiliated me in front of the whole class...I ... (read in full...)
I fancy this boy near where I work but he refused a date
Q. hi i am 17 and work parttime on a Saturday. I am bi also. A boy who works outside the place where i work, on a market stall, he is very nice looking and i am attracted to him a great deal. he is not what most gay teens would go for i dont think ...
A. 6 June 2006: Just remain friends with him for now and don't ask him out again anytime soon. Basically if he really wanted to date you or 'have a drink' then he would find the time in his busy schedule. Maybe he is not comfortable with his sexuality just yet or ... (read in full...)
I need to get rid of unwanted body hair so the girls don't think I'm a freak! Any suggestions?
Q. i want to get rid of unwanted hair on my upper legs and arm, is their any cream that does that, i mean i dnt want that hair to grow again, ever agen, becoz i dnt feel confident and am scared girls might think im a freak when they seee me...
A. 6 June 2006: Some hair is ok but if it really bothers you then get saving some cash as laser therapy is very effective if expensive. I have had that done recently and I can tell you that it hurts a bit but is really effective at zapping hair and it doesnt grow ... (read in full...)
Is the semen ment to run out?
Q. hi i just want to know something me and my boyfriend have sex but when he has ejaculated inside me when he gets off of me the semen seems to run out of me is this normal because i would like to know because me and my boyfriend are trying for a baby?...
A. 6 June 2006: Some of it will run out, but if you are trying to conceive then you should lie down on your back for 20 to 30 minutes after sex as this is supposed to improve your chances of conception. Good luck!... (read in full...)
My period's gone irregular in the last 4 months. Why?
Q. Hi I'm 14 years old and really worried. I started my periods when I was 12 and I got into a routine where I came on on the 6th or 7th of every month, but I have not been on for 4 months. Is this normal? Hope I get replies. Thanx ox...
A. 5 June 2006: Don't worry for now as your body is still going through puberty and your periods may not be regular. However, if you are still having an irregular cycle when you are a little older, say 16, then get checked out by a doctor as there are many medical ... (read in full...)
I am trying to get pregnant and I think I am obsessed!
Q. I dont know where to start...to cut a long story short i found out almost 3yrs ago that i may not be able to have a baby if i leave it too late. My bf and I are very happy together and havent used contraception now for 2yrs though we have been quite ...
A. 5 June 2006: I have been trying for a baby for about 9 months and also have infertility issues so I really understand. I bought enough pregnancy tests to keep a small country going, but after a few months I just locked them away in a cupboard because it can ... (read in full...)
I am scared of losing my virginity
Q. i am really scared to loose my virginity i am 14 and 2 months so the time will come in the next few years. i am really worried. most of my friends have had sex beofore and they say it really hurts, they say when the skin breaks (cherry pops) it ...
A. 5 June 2006: It is really normal to be scared of losing your virginity at 14 as most people of your age, or any age for that matter are a little concerned about it. Remember that the age of consent is 16 under the law for a reason! Your friends are telling big ... (read in full...)
I have had 3 lovers at 15 and now I have a nice BF
Q. hey i am not doing well with guys. i have been out with 3 guys in the past 5 months and all of them have forced me into bed i suppose it is cos i am small so they can keep me down. i see my self as a slut. have had sex 7 times between 3 lads and i ...
A. 5 June 2006: You have very poor self esteem and you definitely need to work on that because you are not a 'slut' (that is a stupid word). You do have to stop this destructive pattern of relationships with men now though because otherwise you will go through life ... (read in full...)
I don't know how to tell him I'm scared about getting pregnant, what should I do?
Q. i'm 15yrs old and my boyfriend is 23 he's already got a daughter, and i've been pregnant before but miscarried. when we have sex he doesn't use condoms and i don't want to get pregnant again, he says he wants me to have his kids but only when i'm ...
A. 5 June 2006: I agree with the others with regards to getting some birth control sorted out. However, it is interesting to read your comment "...he says he wants me to have his kids but only when i'm old enough" (how kind of him - very generous to give his ... (read in full...)
My step-sister is blackmailing me for money and sex
Q. I am a 12 year old boy from the uk and my problem is that my 14 year old stepsister caught me smoking cannabis 3 months ago and ever since then she has been blackmailing me by threating to tell my mum at first she was only demanding money but since ...
A. 5 June 2006: If you are serious...then you really just ought to confess about the pot smoking to your mother and deal with the consequences. You will run out of things that your step-sister wants from you, and then she will tell your mother anyway. So it is the ... (read in full...)
I need good tips and advice on losing weight.
Q. i am trying to lose weight, but what ever i do i do not seem to be losing weight, i stayed away from junk food and i walk to school which take me bout 15-20 everyday, and still i couldnt lose this weight, is their any type of medicine that can help ...
A. 5 June 2006: I don't believe in diets, as they usually end up in your weight yo-yoing up and down and you feel miserable by restricting intake. Weight loss is a simple thing - eat less calories than your body needs per day and then it will tap into your fat ... (read in full...)
I played strip poker with my Bf and his mate but he now ignores me!
Q. i have been seeing this guy for well over a year now and we split up a while ago but i met him a few nights ago and we had sex and played strip poker with him and his mate as a laugh but he hasnt botherd texting me since..what should i do? I have ...
A. 5 June 2006: You split up with this guy a while back and he doesn't sound like he wants to renew the relationship. When men are into you then they will be knocking your door down, or texting your phone to the point of melt down. It is also the case that some men ... (read in full...)
I'm so self-concious of my mole on my back..that I won't wear strappy shirts and bathing suits. What can I do?
Q. this is a strange question but, i am 16 and i hate wearing strappy tops or bikini's/swiming costumes cos i have a big dark mole on my back. to me i think it is really big and people will notice and go yuk. but it is on my back on my shoulder and ...
A. 5 June 2006: First of all you have to put this into perspective - it is a relatively small mole and some people have all sorts of facial disfigurements to deal with that cannot be covered up with clothing. Secondly, you would be wise to keep it covered up ... (read in full...)
I think my Dad watches porn on the computer, shall I tell my mother?
Q. I have a problem. Today i was looking through the history file to find a website i forgot the address to, but i couldn't find it as i was last on the internet on saturday night. I come on this morning, and find weird addresses in the history that ...
A. 5 June 2006: Maybe your Dad is watching porn...maybe your Mother is watching porn...either way it would not be a good idea to talk to her about it. Maybe she knows he is looking at this and doesn't mind. It doesn't sound like these are dating websites and he is ... (read in full...)
I feel down all the time and like I am wasting my time
Q. i am a seventeen year old girl..the past few years of my life have been a complete blur as I have refused to face up to circumstances and changes in my life and as a result lived in my own little world, mostly in the past imagining, wishing ...
A. 4 June 2006: To some extent it is perfectly normal to not have any fixed goals or to know for sure what you want out of life at 17. Your teen years are all about confusion, uncertainty and making mistakes and that is NORMAL. In this fast world that we live in ... (read in full...)
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