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... Send *rPsych a private message | | | *rPsych's profile:Hello, I am a 39 year old psychologist from Witney, UK. I am married with one little boy, and I work part-time. I have been answering questions on DearCupid for a couple of years as I think it is an important resource. |
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Back with my ex but he still sees another girl, help!
Q. i was with my boyfriend for 2 years and 2months,we recently broke up for 2 months and hes with somebody else, were back in touch and its great were sleeping together again and he keeps telling me hes going to break up with his new girlfriend to be ...
A. 19 May 2006: If he was going to finish with her then he would have done so immediately. At the moment he has his cake and he is definitely eating it. I understand that you must be emotionally upset by the death of your grandmother but you shouldnt let this guy ... (read in full...)
Feel used,dirty and sexually taken advantage of!
Q. Dear Cupid, This is a gay sexual related question. I've been with my long distance partner for almost two years. We are each others first with this being a "gay relationship" however on my side he was my first, and I lost my virginity to him. Whe...
A. 19 May 2006: Despite the resentment, you actually seem fond of this man or else you won't bother posting. I am not sure what sort of skin disorder he has but it must be very important to him if he has hidden it for 2 years. Perhaps the key to both your ... (read in full...)
His a drug addict & has trust issues, i'm thinking of leaving, what do i do?
Q. Do I stay and work it out or move on? My husband and I have been together for 8 years. We met when he moved in across the street from me 14 years ago. His sister and I were best friends, so I got to know his family pretty well. We have alot of ...
A. 19 May 2006: There are a couple of issues here. I have worked in drug addiction welfare services in the past (mainly with people in housing crisis because they have run up huge debts). I know from my clinical psychology background that one thing that is ... (read in full...)
Shaving fantasy
Q. Why are guys so fascinated in women shaving? My boyfriend wants me to and he's given me a few reasons i just wondered if anyone could enlighten me further. thanks...
A. 19 May 2006: I agree with the other posts...but I also think it is fashion trends. You see these beauty programmes on the TV with laser therapy, and so-called fashion brazilian wax thingies promoted on sex in the city etc...ouch, ouch, ouch. I think it isnt ... (read in full...)
I'm happily married but there's this attractive woman at work who likes me! What should I do?
Q. Hi There. I'm in a spot of bother at the moment. I'm married,quite happily and have 2 children and darly love my wife. BUT.... there's this girl (yeah I know!!!) whom I work with. We get along great and she's really attractive. She's engaged to...
A. 19 May 2006: "I'm loosing sleep,weight, and my marbles... all at once"...how about losing your self respect and dignity? You cannot be happy with your wife if you have wandering eyes that are contemplating action. Try to sort out your sex life with your wife if ... (read in full...)
He has been cheating and I am pregnant
Q. at the moment im 17 weeks pregnant, i already have 2 boys to my ex who is still a massive part in there lives, my problem is ive had two miscarrages to the partner im with now but i found he was cheating as i was loosing my 2nd baby, we split for a ...
A. 19 May 2006: Getting married isn't the answer to this because if he is cheating (and he may not be) then a wedding ring isn't going to change that. Whats more, getting married because you are pregnant is a second bad reason for a wedding - you should marry ... (read in full...)
Mixed race relations are banned by his father
Q. I hope someone can give me some advice on this... Basically I've just split up with my boyfriend of two years (for the second time) the reasons for our split is that his dad will not meet me or allow me to go round his house as he doesn't believe in ...
A. 19 May 2006: Your post really struck a cord with me because I am in exactly the same situation as yourself. I am British and married to a Macedonian man (lets not get into the greek-macedonian thing!). My parents refused to meet him, banned me from marrying him ... (read in full...)
How do I get better breasts
Q. My problem is i am a 20 year old virgin engaged, i love my fiancee very much but i have a very short breast tell me how to enhance my figures ...plz help meeeee...
A. 19 May 2006: Lots of women have a thing about their body parts. Of course breast surgery is popular but very painful, expensive and not without its health risks. There are all sorts of support bras (chicken fillets!) and exercises out there is make them bigger ... (read in full...)
Should I get pregnant by this man
Q. This is really stupid i know but i'm completely in love with this guy, who's told me he wants to have sex with me. The thing is, i know he doesn't have any strong feelings for me, and i'm tempted to try and get pregnant with his baby so i can have a ...
A. 18 May 2006: Having a baby is a serious commitment. You maybe in love with this guy at the moment but there will be other men; once you have a baby it is a parents responsibility to take care of a child. You may even resent the child if he or she doesn't bring ... (read in full...)
Climaxing, orgasms and all that confusing stuff at 15
Q. hey i am 15 and when we have sleepovers etc we always play truth or dare i have been asked a number of times how many times i have climaxed or had an orgasim what are they? are they the same thing? and how do you know you are having 1 sorry i sound ...
A. 18 May 2006: Yes they are the same thing. You are not stupid as sex terminology can very complicated! An orgasm is the muscle contractions of the genitals associated with sex or masturbation. If you want to know more about this then there are lots of teen sexual ... (read in full...)
Want more than to just be a rebound... how can I know?
Q. Ive met this man who ive met twice now, I really do like him but ive been hurt so many times by men off internet dating sites and all I want is a relationship but nothing ever develops. This particular man who does seem very interested in me,he ...
A. 18 May 2006: You have got to be careful about dating men from an internet website. I am sure there are some nice people out there in the land of internet dating, but there are a lot of not so nice too who are not afraid of preying on others vulnerabilities. It ... (read in full...)
Problem getting a job... husband not being supportive...
Q. My husband says things like I make him unhappy he is always positive and happy and he is the bees knees whreas the opposite he wont talk to me or anyhting. He said i am finding it hard to find work because I live in a remote area I have no money co...
A. 18 May 2006: He sounds like he is putting you down to try to stop you finding work - some men are intimidated by independence in their female partners and he is just criticising you to control you. It must be difficult to arrange interviews around child care ... (read in full...)
How do you make the first move without looking desperate?
Q. I'll try and keep this short and sweet. I have been dating my bf for awhile, im not a virgin but he is still alot more experienced then i am and said hes not gunna do anything i dont want. I want to have sex but dont know how to make the first mo...
A. 18 May 2006: Maybe he isn't making a move because of respect - he doesn't want you to think he is just after sex. The best way to sort out the problem is to arrange a date at your home and get yourself dressed up with the candle lit dinner thing - not over the ... (read in full...)
My boyfriend has had 6 lovers and I am a virgin
Q. I've been seeing my 22 year old boyfriend for almost 3 months, and last night I learned that he has slept with 6 girls in his past. I'm a 21 year old virgin, and knew that he had had sex before, but I feel so differently now that I know his ...
A. 18 May 2006: First of all, I think it is good that he has communicated his sexual past to you. At least you two are able to discuss such sensitive matters! Only you can decide if he is perhaps exaggerating the number of ladies he has slept with (some people feel ... (read in full...)
Sweet, sweet revenge!?
Q. Advice on sweet sweet revenge. Last year my boyfriend forgot my birthday, and on that day someone told me that I was attractive, naturally I told him, as we don't keep secrets, as he tells me when someone does that to him too. However on the day ...
A. 18 May 2006: It takes a better person not to take out revenge however disappointed you have been in his childish behaviour...if you feel the need for gameplaying then you have got to ask yourself some questions about where this relationship is heading because ... (read in full...)
I haven't had a boyfriend yet, but my friends have.....what should I do?
Q. help me....im 16 an have never had a bf. i feel so left out when all me mates start talkin bout theres coz i aint got one. is it coz i aint pretty enough or coz i aint got a great personality. i have loads of mates, sum of whom are boys, but no one ...
A. 18 May 2006: You have loads of mates...so you have got bundles of personality! Don't put yourself down about not being pretty enough because ultimately beauty is in the eye of beholder...there are boys out there who will think you are a stunner. What's more, a ... (read in full...)
Boyfriends little girl passed away and he's now spending time with the mother... what should I do?
Q. my boyfriends little girl died 2weeks ago when i was up north with him! but it happened at his ex's! the funeral took 2 weeks to happen it happened a couple of days ago and since he went home and he has spent alot of time with his ex!! and the nigh...
A. 18 May 2006: My brothers baby died a few years ago so I have some understanding of what your BF must be going through. At this emotionally distressing period, he and his ex will not be thinking straight or rationally. She maybe putting pressure on herself, and ... (read in full...)
My husband has been seeing escorts....is it my fault?
Q. I have just found out my husband has been visiting escort agency girls - dominatrix in particular. How should I handle this? Is it my fault as I haven't been too interested in sex for about 6 months. thanks...
A. 18 May 2006: Don't blame yourself as you must work through this problem jointly with your husband if you are to rescue your marriage. I think that marriage is about rather more than sex, and his need to see escorts is probably symptomatic of a rather bigger ... (read in full...)
Hot boyfriend cooling off
Q. Hello,I met this guy who seemed so super. We went out on a couple of dates. He said that he'd fallen for me in a big way and I couldn't understand the connection that we'd made so quickly. He has done all the chasing.I now find that the phone calls ...
A. 17 May 2006: I totally agree with Irish! You must be disappointed by the whole experience as he seemed full on and then cooled down. I think you should sit back and see what happens. It could be that something serious is going on in his life that is affecting ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend pressuring me....should i dump him?
Q. Dear agony aunts, My new boyfriend keeps pressuring me to snog him and to give him blow jobs but i dont want to. Should i dump him?...
A. 17 May 2006: You should never feel pressurised into doing things you don't want to. You sound like quite a strong person though as you must have identified this as being wrong to have wanted to post the question. Dump him if you don't think much of him but why ... (read in full...)
How to stop picking at my boyfriends bad points.
Q. Hey I really like this guy but when i'm not with him and thinking about him, all I can think about is all of his bad points. So when i am with him i am put off by him. Is there anyway i could stop doing this?! i need help, it is realy effect...
A. 17 May 2006: Maybe your BF has some valid bad points but only you can tell. It is more likely that you are not feeling very good about yourself and sometimes people pick on others as a sign of their own personal discontent. For example, I have a neighbour ... (read in full...)
Sex whilst on a period... what do you think?
Q. do all guys hate/dont mind sleeping with a girl when she has her period? im always extra horny at this time and although i try to not let anything happen i cant resist my boyfriends roaming hands at this time, i even forget its that time off the ...
A. 17 May 2006: Periods from a female perspective...I just feel like death warmed up personally but if it floats your boat and your boyfriend doesn't mind then it is your personal choice. People are sometimes revolted because it goes back to a time when ... (read in full...)
I want a baby & my husband is terminally ill
Q. WHEN I was 17 I had an affair with one of my dad's friends who left his wife for me. We married and agreed not to have kids because he already had three and we couldn't really afford one of our own. But I am now 37 and my husband is in his 60s ...
A. 17 May 2006: Not sure what country you are based in but the 60-something woman having a baby is exceptional and went to Italy for the treatment as fertility licensing laws, and medical ethics, have prevented her (and women of her age) from having IVF in her home ... (read in full...)
Not pregnant but should I tell my boyfriend?
Q. need advice,i had a pregnancy scare last week, im not!! but do i need to tell my bf or is there any point in worryin him since theres really nothin to worry about? also the reason i was worried is because we had stopped using condoms (im on the pill...
A. 16 May 2006: I can understand you would be anxious but the contraceptive pill, when used correctly, is about the most effective form of birth control there is apart from abstaining from sex. Although condoms are useful for preventing infections etc, their ... (read in full...)
Am I over-reacting about this woman moving her mom in next-door?
Q. the woman i have become crazy jealous of from my mans work has become interested in the place next door to us for her mother,but if mom moves in she will naturally be there often.this is just too close to home for me but what can i do w/out causing ...
A. 16 May 2006: Forget about her mother moving in next door as there are some things you cannot control in this life. Concentrate on sorting out your own feelings of jealousy as that is something you are in control of. If you think this woman being close to your ... (read in full...)
A rollercoaster ride in my relationship... he is great but there seem to be so many problems...
Q. Hi, I have been with my b-friend for almost 4.5 years now. It's certainly been a rollercoaster ride. I really don't know where to start without sounding as though I'm trying to blame my b-friend over I. He's very strong-willed, competitive, bri...
A. 16 May 2006: You are bad for him, and he is bad for you...it is a bit like my relationship with chocolate. You may love him, but the fact is that if you truely loved him you wouldnt have been able to date other men, and likewise he wouldnt be able to date other ... (read in full...)
I'd have bet my life my wife would never, ever cheat on me. But she has...
Q. I met my Wife when I was 21 and she was 17, we were both virgins and this was our first serious relationship for both of us. We have now been together for 17 years and happily married for the last 11 years, we also have an 8 year old boy and a 3 ...
A. 16 May 2006: She may not wish to perform oral sex on you out of respect. I know it sounds funny but some women feel that oral sex is not what nice girls do (whatever the rights and wrongs of that) and that sexual relationships with your husband should be based ... (read in full...)
Torn between two men!
Q. 10 wks ago during a drunken arguement i told my fella to go and he did, he wouldn,t answer my phone calls or reply to my texts for weeks it broke my heart. 3 wks later we began to talk as we had a holiday booked for a wk after. I secretly hoped we ...
A. 16 May 2006: It sounds like you like the new man rather more, and it also seems like your relationship with your boyfriend has been troubled in the past so it might not even work out for the best anyway. The new man sounds really nice and very patient. It is ... (read in full...)
Is it wrong to break up with my girl because her hair is falling out!?
Q. Hi, I'm Tom. I've been going out with my girlfriend Anna for almost two months now. Everything was great until a few weeks ago when Anna decided to dye her hair red. Because she has very dark hair, she needed to bleach it first. She's always had ...
A. 16 May 2006: It is wrong, so wrong that wrong isn't even the word...break up with the girl though as you sound like not very good boyfriend material if you are that bothered about something superficial as you will be doing the poor girl a favour. I have ... (read in full...)
Pill Protection
Q. Hi, I need some advice.I have just started taking the Pill Cerazette and my doctor advised me to take it the day it was given to me which was the 2nd day of my period. I had sex last night which was 2hours after taking my 7th pill and im worried ...
A. 16 May 2006: The contraceptive pill gives you 24 hour protection when taken correctly. It is also effective if you take a pill up to 12 hours late (but not more than this). You should be ok but I think you should read up on the pills you are taking so you are ... (read in full...)
My perfect boy has a girlfriend, he said he will leave her... but what kind of a person is he?
Q. I have a big problem, a few weeks ago I noticed a very cute boy at the library-looks wise he seems completely perfect for me. I soon realised he was attracted to me because he would always give me a smile when I would walk pass-due to the fact that ...
A. 16 May 2006: What you have to ask yourself is this...if he was your BF and he was in the library panting over another lady how would you feel? When I was at Uni. 'going to the library' really mean't 'going to the library to check out the cute boys'...well I ... (read in full...)
Boyfriend is being horrible since i told him I was pregnant. Why is he being like this!
Q. me and my ex split few months ago but remained mates til i told him i was pregnant, then he turned horrible.i excepted he was not gona be in mine or the babys life so i returned all his possesions i stil had.ready to move on.but when i asked him to ...
A. 16 May 2006: He is just being a child but you have shown yourself to be a strong independent woman capable of standing on your own two feet. You can get your personal effects back through the small claims court - filing a claim is really easy and only costs ... (read in full...)
He broke up with me and now I don't want to do anything but have him!!!
Q. my boyfriend has just finished with me and i dont know why, He said he was losing his love for me. what can i do?? i dont wanna eat sleep or do anything else except for being with him help!!!!...
A. 16 May 2006: You maybe loved up at the moment but he doesnt feel the same way about you. You cannot make someone else do something they don't want to. You should focus on all the things you liked about him and try to find someone else just like that who does ... (read in full...)
Are school nurses correct when they say it's IMPOSSIBLE to get pregnant on your period?
Q. I had unprotected sex with my bf on the first day of my period, a few hours after taking the Pill for the very first time. I took the ECP "Plan B" almost 48 hours later, and have continued to take my Pill at the right times (my gyno said that if I ...
A. 16 May 2006: School nurse is definitely wrong on this one. It is less likely to get pregnant during your period, but sperm are nifty little fella's and can hang around for a couple of days. The most likely time to get pregnant is around mid-cycle (it is ... (read in full...)
Can My Lovers Wife Trace Me From A Text??
Q. After my lover led me on for several years. I finally snapped and had a moment of madness. I sent a text message to his wife hinting at his infidelity and it turns out he has had many other flings. I then later received angry calls from him, several ...
A. 15 May 2006: I wasn't aware that infidelity was a criminal offence...perhaps it ought to be? The only remotely connected offence would be if you sent her obscene messages as there is a communications act in the UK to prevent menacing calls etc and BT work with ... (read in full...)
I don't want to cheat but can't switch off my feelings
Q. I've recently developed feelings for this guy at work which have become stronger over the past few months. He already has a girlfriend of about two years though who also works at the same place, I think he has the same feelings for me because the ...
A. 15 May 2006: If you fancy him that is ok, but it is not ok to go after him when he has a girlfriend and especially one based at your workplace! Basically you could have a fling with him and it could go horribly wrong and what then? You have to see him at work ... (read in full...)
In A Relationship But My Ex Wants Me Back
Q. Hi there, I need some advice.... I was in a relationship for nearly 5 years, from the age of 16. My ex decided to break up as he believed he didn't see a future for us. Although this was over 3 years ago it still left me in bits. Looking back we w...
A. 15 May 2006: You broke up for a reason, and he has also hurt your feelings in the past so probably best not to go back there. You haven't mentioned that you are happy in your current relationship but I suspect there must be problems with it because you wouldn't ... (read in full...)
He said he was going to be breaking up with his girlfriend, but now he isn't paying that much attention to me....
Q. A few weeks ago I met a boy at the library. At first we would just give each other a smile but eventually we started to talk-I found out he had a girlfriend and was a little shocked when I did find out because he told me he thought I was really cute ...
A. 15 May 2006: Run away now...and count your blessings. He has a girlfriend and he has a wandering eye, if you were his girlfriend he would wander too...think how she must feel. He maybe a little bored with his current relationship but if he wanted to break up ... (read in full...)
Online man got cold feet...confused!
Q. I spoke to a man online and we met in person.Over a short time we fell in love and he told me that he wanted to marry me and asked if I would like for us to have a baby together some day.We both have children from previous relationships.He also ...
A. 15 May 2006: You haven't known this man long, and it sounds like he has a difficult background. He has shown you the nice side to his personality, and you have glady received this because this is the person you would hope he was. Basically, marriages don't ... (read in full...)
I'm not in love with my BF? Should i move on to my gym love?
Q. Im a gay male and I live with my partner of 3 years. I have only ever been in love once and I know what it feels like, and I know I do not love my current partner like I loved my ex. However at the gym we go there is a guy who works there and I am...
A. 15 May 2006: If your current relationship is not going anywhere then perhaps you should finish it as that would be in the best interests of your partner since you say you don't love him now, and imply you never will. However, gym guy shouldn't be seen as a ... (read in full...)
Aged 21, pregnant with twins, father ignores me.
Q. im 21 and 3months pregnant with twins.the babies fateher ia an ex of mine and we use to live together, we split up at the end of january but remained good friends by seeing each other and being in contact everyday.but a month ago when i told him i ...
A. 15 May 2006: The guy is not worthy of your time so just ignore him. However make sure that you pursue him for financial support for your children as twins don't come cheap! He maybe just in shock about being a Dad at the moment and may come around to the idea ... (read in full...)
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